MDJunction - People Helping People
 
Ask a Question
02/29/2012 12:25 PM

I ended it!(page 2)

kalissalea
kalissalea  
Posts: 663
Member

Wow, you are doing so well. Keep it up. Your strength is inspiring. He's not your problem anymore, the weight has been lifted...enjoy your life and your son and let him rage at someone else.

BTW my husband is convinced I'm a narcisist and that is why our marriage is ending...not because he is bipolar and self destructing...of course it's always someone else's fault...silly me Wink

Reply

02/29/2012 10:45 PM
lilolly
 
Posts: 33
Member

It is so sad - if only they could admit to their illness, which is what it is - and we could have helped them work through their hard times. But to be in denial...there is no hope. I read that only 1 in 10 marriages where one partner is bipolar survive, unfortunately mine was not that 1 - although I tried so hard to make it. He is still in denial about him having any part to play in the dissolution of the marriage and has called me the most appalling names which I could never repeat. And he told me that when he smashed stuff up of called me thos ethings, it was becasue I deserved it. Howlong before he turned physicallyabusive and I 'deserved' it. I have 3 children to protect. As much as I know I am in financial dire straits - the alternative is worse. I would never encourage anybodyto leave - it took me a long time - after being begged by every friend and family member to leave - but I had to pray and get the strength and the resolution to do it and mean it. He is still beinga nightmare - I am no longer taking his calls - although I allow him access to our son as I believe his son deserves to see his dad. All I can wish you is strength to getthrough the hard times and hope that he hasn't destroyed you to the point of no return. Sending loves and hugs and light !

02/29/2012 10:58 PM
marriedtoit
marriedtoit  
Posts: 11506
Group Leader

lilolly, that 1 in 10 number is not from a reputable source. BUT I have no doubt that untreated mental illness results overwhelmingly in broken marriages AND in broken families.

You should tell yourself that you did all you could. You would have been by his side as he was treated...only he like the land of Denial better.

If you ever feel like he is a danger to his son....don't be afraid to stop that visit too.

Hang in there! Sending you love, and hugs, and STRENGTH.


02/29/2012 11:07 PM
lilolly
 
Posts: 33
Member

Okay - new question: I have filed for divorce - my lawyer is compiling a no contest divorce. If he contests am I stuck with him?

02/29/2012 11:12 PM
marriedtoit
marriedtoit  
Posts: 11506
Group Leader

NO! If one partner wants out, the divorce is granted. Every state's divorce laws are different. But if you google your state's divorce laws, you will find the info about how your state does things.

An example: Let's say you live in North Dakota. You would google "North Dakota divorce laws" and go from there.

You aren't stuck with him! Are you sure you aren't reading too many horror novels??


02/29/2012 11:17 PM
lilolly
 
Posts: 33
Member

Nope - I live in South Africa - the laws are fairly flexible here based on whichever judge you get. I just pray that he will accept the divorce and let me get on with my life.

02/29/2012 11:21 PM
marriedtoit
marriedtoit  
Posts: 11506
Group Leader

WHAT???? If he contests the divorce a judge could order that you remain married to him?

You need a powerhouse barracuda of a lawyer, girlfriend!!!!!


03/01/2012 06:55 AM
kalissalea
kalissalea  
Posts: 663
Member

Agree, with Married...talk to your lawyer...that doesn't sound reasonable. I think marriages where the spouse is being treated have the same chance of success as any other marriage...and the same factors apply as do other marriages. Untreated Bioplar I would say 1 in 10 sounds right...probably the 1 accounts for situations where divorce is not an option for whatever reason. My husband's doctor told me point blank, untreated our marriage has zero chance of survival.

03/01/2012 08:17 AM
bethb2004
bethb2004Posts: 813
Member

Contested vs. uncontested isn't really about whether or not you stay married, it's more about if you agree on the terms of your divorce, i.e. division of property, custody of children, child support, etc. Usually, with uncontested you can settle these issues without court involvement. If he contests, then you may have to go to court. You still get the divorce, but you have to have the court system mediate an agreement on the final terms.

Post edited by: bethb2004, at: 03/02/2012 05:42 AM


03/01/2012 11:44 PM
lilolly
 
Posts: 33
Member

it gets worse! He is now contesting maintenance - he earns 4 x what I earn and has evaded the tax man for years (unbeknownst to me) - yet refuses to pay what he initially suggested! He is playing mind games. I reduced my maintenance request to speed things up and as per his request - then he changed his mind and reduced his offer to less than 1/4 of what I require just to make sure my baby is fed clothed and schooled! He is playing control games with me - I have told him to NOT contact me under any circumstances other than regarding our son - and that must be written correspondence. I am so frustrated and - for the first time in years - ANGRY. I haven't been allowedt o be angry for so long - and now the floodgates are wideopen. I never let on to him - but yoh! I can feel the fury pumping through my veins - how dare he try and deprive our son to punish me? He is a monster. I am starting to feel like he is trying to trap me - control me - I will NEVER allow him to do that to me again and he will not deprive my family due to his crazy control issues!
Reply

Share this discussion with your friends:
<< Start < Prev 2 Next > End >>


Disclaimer: The information provided in MDJunction is not a replacement for medical diagnosis, treatment, or professional medical advice.
In case of EMERGENCY call 911 or 1.800.273.TALK (8255) to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Read more.
Contact Us | About Us
Copyright (c) 2006-2014 MDJunction.com All Rights Reserved