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ridingthewaves  Posts: 1390
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Day after Pam's Birthday Feb 24 2011 Last night was hard. He "had" to drink in order to go to the cemetery for the first time. He broke down and cried so hard I thought he was going to had a panic attack. WhenI tried to explain that drinking wasn't going to help get through the day just mask it and make him treat me worse, he exploded. It was the worst since his manic episode. Threats and all that jazz. Of course he is sorry today, but I am sick of the roller coster. I want to be normal... I want us to be normal. He says he is done drinking. I have heard that a million times. But I have also told him I am leaving him if he doesn't stop drinking that many times too. Who is going to make good on their promise first. I hope it doesn't have to be me. That was my first entry here, a year ago today. I joined because I was so hurt by my SO's actions and could see how much he was hurting. Yesterday, we tried to get through his mom's birthday again. He is in a rough place right now, but compared to last year, we have made progress by leaps and bounds. Heck, we didn't 'try' to get through her birthday, we did. It was actually one of the best days overall that he has had in the last few weeks. I left work early, I could tell he had been "stewing" in his horrible thoughts all day. We discussed me going to the gravesite to put out flowers since he has figured out that he wasn't ready to go out there. BUT, we had our biggest snow of the year yesterday and it would have been really hard to get around. We talked about his mom, and that it is really his guilt that makes him feel the need to go there, not the action on putting out flowers. So we hugged, and cried, and I told him my mom would give her a kiss for us. We worked on a project together, and I took breaks when I wasn't needed and worked on shoveling. He came out to help and we ended up having a snowball fight. It was wonderful to laugh and play together. We decided on breakfast for dinner and I did the french toast and he was right next to me making us omelets. Was he sad, yes. Was he drunk, no. Was he mean, no. Is he the most unstable I have seen him while on meds, yes. But we made it through yesterday with flying colors compared to last year. I guess I just wanted to reflect on where we have come in the last year since I have joined MDJ. But, also I need help. I haven't put it all out here, as quite frankly I have been putting all of my energy into keeping him as stable as possble. Please pray/light a cangle/ send good thoughts for us both. For him to be able to deal with the stress of jail. That court REALLY happens on Monday. For me, that I have the right words to say to help him through this, and that I have the knowledge to make the best decisions. We got through yesterday, now we just need to get to Monday, and have Monday happen like we have planned, him starting his sentence. On Tuesday, I will get back to taking better care of me. Thirty days of "me" time. Shhh.... Don't tell him but I am looking forward to it!
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hopefulcb Posts: 3251
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I dont blame you for the wanting the well deserved break. I do pray that it all goes well, but dont be surprised if they postpone it again. Years ago, we said goodbye to a friend 4 times, and he never did end up going in because they didn't have room for him. They postponed and postponed and finally just said it wasn't going to happen so "be good so we don't see you again". It was crazy, but good for him. I am so glad you have come leaps and bounds from last year, that is soooo wonderful that you are experience a little more normalcy with him and you can laugh and have fun together. I love doing breakfast for dinner, sounds good! Thoughts and prayers with you and yours  It isn't my husband's fault he has an illness. It is his responsibility on how he treats it so he doesn't hurt others or himself in the midst of it.
My opinion, is just that, I am here to share my experience, strength and hope to those whose lives have been affected by this disorder :)
"When you feel like giving up, remember why you held on for so long in the first place."
~ Unknown |
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ridingthewaves Posts: 1390
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Thanks hopeful! I have called his lawyer, and the jail. They have both confirmed that Monday will happen. He isn't able to serve the 30 days where he had wanted to, but this jail has told me they will give him his meds. That is all that I care about. |
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hopefulcb Posts: 3251
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Well in that case, enjoy the peaceful time. I am so glad they agreed to give him his meds too, thats great! It isn't my husband's fault he has an illness. It is his responsibility on how he treats it so he doesn't hurt others or himself in the midst of it.
My opinion, is just that, I am here to share my experience, strength and hope to those whose lives have been affected by this disorder :)
"When you feel like giving up, remember why you held on for so long in the first place."
~ Unknown |
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grace72891 Posts: 301
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I don't know your story. Why is he going to jail? I am glad that he is doing better though. It gives us so much peace of mind when those we love are levelling out and coping, even if it isn't completely perfect, at least not being destructive. "Adventure is a state of mind and spirit. It comes with faith, for with complete faith there is no fear of what faces you in life or death." ~ Jackie Cochran
My purpose is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge. Col. 2: 2-3
Be free and have fun! |
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marriedtoit Posts: 9117
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Riding, you know that you and your loved one are in my thoughts and prayers. And it is SOOO wonderful that he got through the anniversary (of his mom's birthday) without drinking. That is major. Very major. (Grace, he is an alcoholic who is going to jail for a DUI. He has been sober for weeks--maybe months?---now.) All of my advice is based on experience and reading. I am not a medical doctor, and have never even played one on TV. |
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grace72891 Posts: 301
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Oh okay. That is too bad. But if that mistake made him realize his need for help maybe it was just a blessing in disguise! "Adventure is a state of mind and spirit. It comes with faith, for with complete faith there is no fear of what faces you in life or death." ~ Jackie Cochran
My purpose is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge. Col. 2: 2-3
Be free and have fun! |
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hooba  Posts: 509
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How is he taking it,having to go to jail? Is he real down about it or dreading it? What is his state of mind and mood like going in? These are all things I would be experiencing and thinking about. Has he mentioned much about it? You can show us the path to stability, it's on us to want to walk down the path and not veer off. |
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ridingthewaves Posts: 1390
Senior Member
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hooba- That is what I was alluding to with the "he is in a rough plce right now" He had been very unstable for about the last two or three weeks. I would classify it has probably a mixed state. If he hadn't have jail coming up I would have pushed for the hospital. He was very irritable, angry, then sad, distant, went out and bought a car   His moods have ran the whole board over the last couple weeks. I really think that it was more to do with his mom's birthday, then jail. I am not sure if he was just "acting" strong for me, but seemed ok with jail. He is ready to get this behind him and move on. We went to court yesterday, got it over with. He turned himself in last night. I haven't heard from him yet, but I am sure he will be fine. I pray that this time in jail will help to clear his head. I should hear from him tonight, and my only concern is that they screw with his meds. I know they told me they won't, but this isn't my first jail rodeo with him, and I know actions speak louder than words! Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers! My brother came up yesterday and will probably stay with me for a few days. He says to help me around the house, but I suspect the free food has something to do with it!  |
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sallyo  Posts: 3354
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Sending thoughts and prayers your way. I hope it's what he needs to have happen so he can start getting better. It's understandable that he's been in a mixed state with all that has happened with him. But how wonderful that he didn't succomb to the temptation to drink on his mom's birthday. Let's hope they keep their word about his meds. www.sallyosmusings.blogspot.com |
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