Spouses of Bipolar in Active Relationships

I am not a doctor, I just wanted to list unusual behaviors that my husband displayed when he had his worst manic episode to date. Please feel free to list the behaviors that your SO displayed while manic.

Here's mine:

1. Left me and our two boys, without anything instigating the urge to leave.

2. Said "I don't love your anymore, therefore I can't be here any longer with you"

3. Said "I don't know if I ever loved you"

4. Said "I just need to see what its like to be by myself, I have been too dependent on your too long"

5. Said "I just need time to get myself together and see how things go"

6. When I tried to explain that I believed he was manic, he emphatically said "you are the one who is not well, I am better than I have been in years"

7. When I said he had never acted this way before he said "Well I have been holding it in for years, today I am acting on it"

8. Bought 3 cars throughout our marriage without telling me.

9. Bought large ticket items behind my back

10. When manic, text me over 50 times in a day saying mean and hurtful things to me.

11. Joined social network sites previously to leaving our home and dating sites.

12. When I asked him to please see a doctor, he refused and said "You are the one who needs help, not me"

13. Had many jobs throughout our relationship saying "Its just not for me".

14. One day he wanted to be a real estate agent and spent $ on classes and books, then he wanted to start a business and had business cards made, then he wanted to sell cars, but when he didn't sell anymore after a month, just didn't show up.

15. Got in touch with people he couldn't stand before just because...

16. Got an apartment, but never moved all his clothing and belongings our of the house even after filing for divorce.

17. While separated, he still wanted to go to dinners, hang out, go on date nights like things were normal between us, even after he found another.

There are many more unusual behaviors, these are just the bullet ones that cut like a knife.

I am grateful to say now that my husband has been diagnosed with bipolar, he takes his medicines and understands how important they are to his stability. He is back home as the family that he was before diagnosis. He sees his pdoc for therapy as well as meds.

For today life is good, two years ago life was pure H$LL for a whole year before being diagnosed and treated to obtain stability.

OK, now your turn......

Ok here is my story. My husband was diagnosed 4 months ago, at my suggestion that he is probably bipolar. He saw a pdoc who is board certified and a bipolar specialist. In 8 years my husband has...

1. Been unfaithful, once with a girl where it went no further than kissing and love letters, and twice (that would be two years ago and as we speak) with a girl 15 years younger than him. His normal self is completely and utterly against cheating.

2. He bought a car and totalled it 45 minutes later

3. Says he doesnt love me, he cant stand to be around me, that the only problem in his life is me.

4. Says he never loved me, has never had butterflies in his stomach or seen me light up the room for him

5. This past Xmas did not get our 1 year old son or his 12 year old daughter (from a previous marriage) ANY xmas presents at all. He did however, get a $500 payday loan and gave the money to his girlfriend so she could pay her car insurance.

6. He stopped eating and starting exercising (this man NEVER works out, ever!)

7. Started buying earrings (tunnels, the big holes in the ear) behind my back, would always be getting something in the mail. Turns out he was buying these to mimic the ones his girlfriend wears, same sizes and same exact designs.

8. He lies...and lies...and lies...and lies...and lies some more

9. He says I manipulated his doctor into diagnosing him bipolar, that I am the one who has the problem, that his therapist said he has no issues and I am obviously borderline personality.

10. He talks loud and a million miles an hour, which is not him, he is shy and soft spoken.

11. He has left me before, now I left the home but he wants me to return and work so he can move in with his girlfriend.

I hate bipolar disorder, with a passion.

2. He quit going to work and didn't tell me.

3. He was doing cocaine, running with a drug dealing gang.

4. He was being picked up by young women to do drug runs.

5. He smashed the window of my car because he left the keys in the car.

6. He kicked a big dent in my van because I was leaving due to his rage.

7. He told me he hadn't been happy for years.

8. He said he loved me but wasn't "in" love with me.

9. He moved in with a female family "friend" and told me they weren't sleeping together. Lie.

10. He would go to his construction job in sandals and flowered shirts.

11. He grew a pot plant in our basement.

12. He had parties with his drug dealer buddies in our basement after I had left our home.

13. He grabbed me around the throat and pushed me once.

14. He blocked me from leaving more than once.

15. He said he was too messed up, didn't deserve anything.

16. He said he was going to leave us and move to Colorado, North Carolina, etc.

17. I found his van at a motel after not hearing from him for 3 days. He had spent all of his mother's money in her bank account, spent our entire tax refund. When I found him, he was in the motel room with 2 women and had supposedly put a gun in his mouth. They were trying to stop him, I guess. The cops knocked on the door and came back to tell me he was "fine".

18. He put his fist through our house's antique leaded glass window.

19. He punched holes in the walls of our bedroom, bathroom, kitchen.

20. He took a handful of muscle relaxants and his lamictal prescription, about 100 pills in all and drove away.

Ok, that's enough. I could list another 100 things, but you get the point. Things were very dire around here. I gave him a 100 chances or more. It took telling him to move out and be who he wanted to be without me because I couldn't do it anymore before he finally realized what his priorities were.

He has been what I consider STABLE for about 6 months now. He got a 4.0 last semester and is to graduate in May. It's a whole new life now.

2. Was sleeping about 40 min per night in short naps at one point.

3. Moved into our dirty unfinished basement, and isolated himself.

4. Started seeing a psycologist out of nowhere.

5. Lying...lying...lying...and then lied some more.

6. Tells everyone that I am a terrible selfish person, and I am the one with the problem.

7. Told me he should have never married me.

8. Maxed out all his lines of credit.

9. Weight is up and down all the time.

10. Has touble with tasks that require attention to detail and time.

11. Was using porn non-stop at one point.

12. Drinking and acting immature at every opportunity.

13. Says I'm controling, narssistic, unloving and judgmental.

14. Says I manipulate his doctors. Basically accusing the doctors of malpractice.

15. Gets angry over the smallest of things.

16. Tried to control weird things around the house.

17. Hypersexual.

18. Almost bought a tractor, and almost got a new tatoo.

19. Ended up in the ER for stitches after putting his leg in an animal trap, drunk on a Sunday...and drove himself. Also ended up in urgent care for scabies treatment, and one panic attack.

20. Denies he is Bipolar, and blames me and/or our marriage for his behavior. Or, says he, "just likes to have fun."

21. Maybe most importantly....his father and sister are both under the care of a psychiatrist (although deny they have problems), his brother although happily married has been unable to finish college despite several attempts due to anxiety issues, and his mother walked out on the family when he was 16 to shack up with a barely legal kid.

Post edited by: kalissalea, at: 01/30/2012 11:04 AM

Some of the things that I have experienced during the course of a 6 month relationship with a boyfriend who is bipolar/schizophrenic are.

1) August 2011 - present ~ I cannot bring you to my house because my mother did not give me permission. I will walk over and meet you at McDonald's.

2) August 2011 ~ You didn't see that car behind us, I think my family is following us. When I arrived home the other night my mother described what your house looks like.

3) August 2011 ~ I live at home with my mother (he is 35 years old) and she is 67 years old and afraid to be alone in the house. So there are times when I cannot go out.

4) September 2011 ~ I want to move out of my mothers house and move in with you but I must get the blessing (permission) from my mother and father. Why would a 35 year old man need permission to move out of his mothers house?

5) September 2011 ~ Good news I had a talk with my mom and dad, they have given me their blessing for me to move out.

6) September 2011 ~ My father called from Jamaica and told us that my step brother was shot and killed. I will be away for a week attending the funeral. When I return from the funeral I will pack and move in with you. The move never happened (see #7).

7) September 2011 ~ My mothers lady friend is moving into the house and I have to help move the furniture from her apartment. After I help her move in then I can move in with you. While I was over there helping my mothers friend move her furniture her ex husband and I got into a fight and I was arrested, that is the reason that I did not call you. My mother had to put her house up as bond in order to get me out of jail so I cannot move out of the house until my assault case is finished. See a pattern here of lies and excuses folks?

8) November 2011 ~ (Thanksgiving day) me and my mother had to drive from South Carolina to Florida to pick my sister up. Sister called and said she wanted to move back in the house after being MIA for years! He did not call me for 4 days during that trip.....claimed that his cell phone would not get a signal. When I told him that I was worried and asked him why he did not borrow his mothers cell phone to call me his reply was "I just did not think about it"!

9) November 2011 ~ My 18 year old son also has a mental illness (refuses to take medication) and he is in jail. My mother and I have to drive to see about him because the jail took him to the hospital. Again days went by with no call from him. Claimed again that his cell phone would not get a signal. Did not see him at all the entire month of November.....had excuses every week why he could not see me!

10) November 2011 ~ I work 7 days a week at a place called Gateway House (South Carolina). So exhausted from working so many hours that I don't have the energy to come and visit you this week. Phoned Gateway House and asked to speak to him.....they told me they have never heard of this person and that he does not work there!

11) December 22, 2011 ~ I want you to have my baby, lets begin trying to get pregnant(see #12).

12) January 9, 2012 ~ Nothing has changed with our relationship I am still moving in with you and I love you. I am going to make an effort with our relationship. I don't care if you don't believe what I am saying...I am going to show you instead of telling you. The rest of this month he has refused to answer my text messages or any of my phone calls! I now might be pregnant!

13) Does not like bright lights. Always asked me to keep the interior car lights off!

14) Sometimes hypersexual (sex 4 times in one night) and then will go for over a month not wanting to have sex.

15) The state labeled me bipolar/schizophrenic and I take Zyprexa and clonopin everyday but I do not feel that anything is wrong with me. Was told this at the beginning of the relationship.....now I see that this belief is just a part of his illness (denial)!

There have been a lot of other strange behavior but you all get the point. Love my boyfriend but all I can say is that people with mental illness should come with a warning label so that people will know what to expect before getting in a relationship with them. Nothing but excuses, lies and a constant roller coaster ride!

Post edited by: NYCDiva, at: 01/30/2012 11:53 AM

Post edited by: NYCDiva, at: 01/30/2012 11:54 AM

When manic my husband had a text/phone affair with another woman. He claims she knew about me, but I have my doubts...as lying is like breathing for him when he's manic. He would abruptly cut off contact with her, I'm sure giving her some lame excuse when I would threaten divorce and he would try again at the marriage. He told her he is a cop (which he isn't). He also told her how much he wanted a baby right away.

My husband is quite convincing, especially when you don't live with him. I have no doubt she believed every word of what he told her, and had no idea what was really going on.

Protect yourself, as there may be more to the story. It sounds like some lies are begining to unravel already.