Spouses of Bipolar in Active Relationships

So I have a history of alcoholism in my family, and I haven't had a drop in over a year. I feel like I've been under so much stress with my husband that I should just not tempt fate or genetics. Anyway, so my husband thinks despite the crazy stuff he has done...he can still drink...and doesn't have a problem. Sure maybe not today...or tomorrow...but catch him in an episode, and add a little alcohol to it and wham you've got our marriage in ashes. And oh my gosh...everytime he was really going at it on the phone with his mistress...drinking!

I threw out all the alcohol in our house several weeks ago, because I don't want it around if we are truly working on our marriage and working toward health. Walked into the garage yesterday...fridge is totally re-stocked full of beer, and a half gallon of cheap whiskey! I took a deep breath, tried to relax and deal with it rationally...

Didn't work. I took his cheap whiskey, and started pounding shots down on an empty stomach. Stupid stupid stupid. Somehow I thought it was a brilliant idea to let him see what it's like to watch someone you love circle the drain. FML. I really hate him right now. His PDoc appointment is Tuesday. I don't know if I'll last that long.

BTW Never ever drinking again!

Good for you on not ever drinking again! Sometimes when we are frustrated or hurting alot, we will do things to ourselves. I don't know why it's that way. When I'm stressed, I'll overeat. Anyway, at least you realize it wasn't the thing you should have done and won't fall into that trap again!!!!

I'm sorry he's doing that stuff. I know it has to be just driving you crazy. Take care of yourself Kalissalea. I'm trying to be more consciencious about what I do in response to the frustration my husband's disorder deals out sometimes, too!

He quit his meds, he's drinking, he lied about taking his meds, he is barely contributing to our house financially, and I have zero trust left in him. He was actually planning to go away in February to attend the same conference he went to last year where he met his mistress...in the same town!!! Like it's no big deal. Instead of going....he thought it would be a great compromise to have his coaching friends over to our house instead for a drinking weekend! I feel like we exist on two different planets.

He's got till Tuesday. That Doctor had better be Helen Frickin Keller and work a damn miracle or I've got to file for divorce. This is no way to live.

Make matters worse...I think I'm having a relapse or something...I can't stop thinking about the affair. I was doing so well for so long!

Kalissa, It's definitely SKILLET TIME there. Give him an ultimatum. You were patient, compassionate, understanding.

Maybe you can't stop thinking about the affair because HE has STOPPED his efforts to stay STABLE!!!! If he wants to stay married to you, he needs to stay stable.

I am so sorry about this! Don't go drinking--that will only make things worse. Stay strong. You know what to do. He either gets with the program or you are gone. I know it will hurt, but it will hurt less than this limbo state of promises and NO stability.

Kalissalea, you know if there is anyway a couple can work out their differences, we are all for it. I mean that is why this group was established. To work on our active relationships with our loved ones who have bipolar. BUT, whenever a person who has bipolar IS NOT WILLING to try and work for their stability, that is like saying "I don't care about our relationship". At least that is where I am in this thought process. Maybe you could get alone with him, at some point, and just ask him how important this relationship is to him? I know you've asked him that before. But for old times sake, run that flag up the pole one more time and see if he salutes. Tell him to think long and hard before he answers and if he says he does care about the relationship, I would ask him "Well, what are you bringing to the table?" If he isn't completely, completely, COMPLETELY transparent, overly willing to please you, jumping at another opportunity, totally broken and willing to see the pdoc right fast and in a hurry....I would take that as a "NO", that he isn't that interested in EVER CHANGING and in that case, unfortunately it probably really is time to implement your dealbreakers. Keep us posted. I'm so sorry he still "doesn't get it". And by the way, I think marriedtoit is right....you are having difficulty with the affair stuff again because you are seeing glimmers of how things were at that time....you are being triggered by your husband's behavior and things he says. That is so difficult. Please keep posting while you are going through these bad emotions right now. We are here for you. A couple of us are on here late at night, too.