Spouses of Bipolar in Active Relationships

Christmas is SUCH a trigger for our bipolar loved ones. Here are a few of the ways I try to notch down the stress for my husband:

1. I don't drag him out to things I alone will enjoy. Example: I love to go hear Handel's Messiah over the holidays. My husband is tone deaf and Jewish. He doesn't have the association with Messiah that I have.

2. We have a small celebration and only ask tried and true friends to celebrate with us.

3. Let your loved one OPT OUT of any holiday gathering/event. If you have two cars, drive both of them to any family holiday event.

4. I help him strategize about his gift-buying.

Christmas is SO tough for our loved ones. How can we help without losing our own priorities?

You're right married, it is a very tough time of year for our loved ones who are suffering with this illness. Unfortunately, the difficulty they go through can affect us, as well. So, it helps to think about things ahead of time. We are planning a trip..well actually 2 trips. This weekend we have a graduation ceremony and party for my nephew. He's VERY special!!! He has CHARGE syndrome and wasn't expected to live at birth...he is now 29 years old!!! It's taken him 9 years to complete his 4 year degree but he made it!!!!! Yay for my nephew. My hubby is very happy for him, too, but coming off this long time of night shift work (14 hour shifts), it is sure to be a little stressful for him this weekend. Then we take off on 23rd for about a week and a half to go to north Arkansas and will see at least 8 of our grandchildren. I expect all of this activity may be over-stimulating for my hubby, but he seems to be excited. I hope everything goes well with the trips. My sweet hubby suffers from bipolar 1 and catatonia, which can throw a little twist into things if he becomes overly stressed out. Things I may do to help him are:

1) Fix him a room that he can retreat to if activities are too loud or there is too much movement in the room with him (kids...ya know!)

2) Don't overload him with too many new ideas or rope him into doing things he may find overwhelming...like charades or going to the movies with all those kids!!!!

3) Let him sleep in as long as he wants to!!!!!!!

4) Try to accentuate the positives...all day....everyday....keep it light....try not to make a big deal about his unusual coping mechanisms, if he DOES end up stressing out. (sleeping in front of everyone, etc.)

It's gonna be okay. I know he's got problems from time to time, I just have to help him out if he needs it.

For anyone who is interested, below is a link to a paper my sister wrote about my nephew who is graduating. His college stuff is on page 3. It's public info, so it's okay. His pic is on there, too! We're so proud of him!!!!

http://www.tsbvi.edu/attachments/newsletter/winter09.pdf

Very cool about your nephew! Congratulations to him!!!

We're going to keep Christmas low-key this year, too. I think we'll just have a few small get-togethers with children.

He stresses over the gift-giving, so I'll do most of it without him.

He was thinking about volunteering at a homeless shelter on Christmas Eve, so I'll look into doing that.

I think one of the keys is to talk it over with our loved ones, and adjust plans to help them keep on their regular schedule.

Sallyo, I think it is so very wonderful that your husband is thinking of helping out at the shelter on Christmas Eve. That is a real gift for him to give, considering his triggers when he gets around groups and stuff. I'm very impressed!

I won tickets to the Nutcracker, so me, my husband, my little one and my Mom are all going to the ballet! My husband was made to go as a child, so I never thought he would want to go, but he does! I think he finds such joy in watching our daughter experience new things. He is actually doing so well, I'm not at all worried about him this Christmas. In the past, he has become quite down around the holidays, missing his son. But I think he has learned to embrace the joy our daughter brings to the season. She is 5, so she is in the prime age for all the fun stuff at Christmas. We don't do a lot with family. One get together on Christmas Eve and one with my extended family on Christmas Day. Nothing with his family as they are all down in GA and FL. Just as well. His mom and dad are MAJOR triggers so I'm glad we are nowhere near them.

i'm so happy that you can find a peace