Spouses of Bipolar in Active Relationships

Hi Friends!

I was wondering what your thoughts are. If you can all remember, I just recently joined this group, and my husband, which I believe is bipolar going through a manic episode, left me and our two small kids.

I went to a PDOC today to go over what behaviors I had seen. I didn't get anywhere with the doc. He gave me 25 minutes and left me with: Just tell him to come in for an evaluation and say you are concerned his judgment is impaired. And if he does so, then I will ask him a series of evaluation questions. He asked a few questions about my husband's behavior, but mostly it was very short. I had to pay $150 for the session, and my insurance only covers half. FIrst session was $300.

I am left at a lull.

I have three pages of notes I wrote last night to get ready for today, and one bullet sheet to reference.

I basically don't know but I am wondering how you all deal with this?

DO pdocs work with families and HOW?

How are wives encouraged to invite their husbands to participate in the session when they are manic?

Is this a far fetched idea of mine?

This idea was given to me by NAMI, who said there was some pdocs who work with families.

I am wondering if I just wait to see what happens and if he crashes then approach him or go to a pdoc asap?

What are your thoughts? Thanks so much. You can read my story on my last posting.

Seem

In my own experience, my husband while manic wouldnt listen to anything I had to say or advise I gave or help I wanted to give. He went to a pdoc himself, lied about his behavior and me, and got much worst. I did fax the pdoc all of my concerns and she helped a little, but it wasnt til my husband hit bottom, wanted to get help and asked me to find a better doctor so we could both go in, we did and he has helped and is still seeing us for couples counseling as well as treating my husand.

Your idea is great, but when manic all rationality goes out the window and they run from help because they dont believe they need the help, so they run from us unfortunately.

I think it is great that you are going to learn about the disorder, you cant be too armed with info about this disorder for when he comes around to lucidity.

I have had the same experience.

My husband doesn't want to hear anything that doesn't suit him whil manic.

He will talk to me like I am trying to psycho-analyze him.

I am quick to remind him once he's calm, that I don't have to have a degree to be educated on the matter.

But I have learned that Hopeful is right. Yes, you should be well versed in the disease, but Do Not throw it at him like ball to the bat.

Oh seem! I fear that people at NAMI only told you half the truth. (I don't think they meant to do that.) Ideally, a psychiatrist WILL work with the family of the person who is diagnosed with bipolar disorder.

BUT....a psychiatrist would NEVER diagnose a person based solely on the observations of their spouse. It would just NEVER be done. The psychiatrist (pdoc) has to have the mentally ill person in front of them.

The pdoc you saw was not being very helpful, though. The pdoc could have asked you about your relationship, about your support system, and maybe even help you strategize about how and when to persuade your husband to get in for an evaluation.

And, unfortunately, it is unlikely that he will go in for a mental health eval if he is manic. Perhaps, like my husband, he will do something that will get him arrested and that will be the "bottom" he needs to accept he is ill. But the most likely scenario is that when he goes from manic to depressed, he will be much more amenable to your suggestion he goes to see a pdoc.

You might ask people he respects and trusts if they will help you persuade him to go to a pdoc for diagnosis and treatment. Surely other people have seen his erratic behavior and have some idea he might have a mental illness?

I am sorry that this pdoc was not more helpful to you! Don't stop informing yourself about this illness!