Hi All!
Thank you for this group!
I have read a lot of discussions and they have greatly informed me and supported me during my own crisis!
My husband of 8 and a half years, suddenly without warning and explanation, walked out on me and our two small children right upon moving into a new apartment.
He got himself a new apartment, and a new girlfriend all very very fast. He left specifically to date and have sex. Even though he didn't say it to me, it was all over his actions and his conduct. He was hypersexual for the first time in his life that I have seen.
Strange thing is that our relationship was very asexual. He had a very very low libido. And I always wanted to have sex and he never did! It was very hard to deal with. So, as you can see, I am very surprised to even think of my nerdy little CPA husband going around dating, finding, and procuring a girlfriend in a matter of weeks.
Now they have been together for nearly three months.
My three year old and five year old and I were basically dumped in a new city, and upon moving here, I noticed my husband was acting very very strange upon moving out of our old house. There was a lot of stress from the move, the children, one autistic child, was very very hard to deal with during the move, and our movers were very bad as well (moving van broke down, extra charges, etc)., my mom who annoys my husband came to help and that made matters worse.
I noticed my husband, who is usually very patient with the kids, pulling at them, irritated by them, rolling his tongue in complete aggravation over them, clonking them into their car seats, etc. Not normal behavior for him.
When we went to go sign the lease for our new apartment, the leasing office made a lot of mistakes, yet, it was the first time I had seen my husband act so crazy. He was argumentative, almost didn't sign the lease, had himself up in the community room of the leasing office and we had to bring him the paper work to sign up there in the clubhouse because he refused to come back down to the office he was so mad. He told me that he wanted to just not even move there. He was being unreasonable, hard to deal with and irritable as hell.
Upon moving in, just a few days later, he was unable to help with the apartment, unpacking, anything, the kids, it was all on me. He would leave for many hours, and not come home. Then after a few days he sat me down one edgy midnight, and said "I am moving out, I have my own room for rent" and then that was that. He looked exilerated, not concerned about us. He looked like he was on cloud-nine. He seemed a little "fake" as if he was acting. His eyes were vacant.
Whatever I said didn't matter.
His mind was set. And when I talked to him about it to find out why his reasons were vague "no spark" "it was from the beginning, there were issues from the onset" and then he would say "I know I am going to see the kids even more than I do now (his plan he said was seeing them two nights for dinner and one weekend day, saturday). Of course, his plan never came to full fruition and he seems them 5 hours per week.
He moved out, paid $300 for sheets at Bed Bath and Beyond for his room for rent, not sure what else he did, but he went on okaycupid.com, dated several women off the bat, met one, then I saw the hundreds of text messages per day to her number. At one point 300 a day even!
They became a couple two months into the whole thing. His facebook showed him wining and dining her in rare wine restaurants in Napa Valley, a kind father now was spending his time taking a woman to a corn maze and pumpkin patch, but failed to get his own kids pumpkins for Halloween or take them to something fun like a pumpkin patch for kids.
A mutual friend shared that he texted her asking how he could convert to Catholicism if he divorces me, because he wants to marry his girlfriend, but needs to be a Catholic.
He sends me numerous emails about divorce, financial planning in the interim, dividing percentages and such. THe emails are lengthy and they are accurate most the time. I am wondering can they be so clear during a manic episode? I know he is able to still hold his job as a CPA and do all that computing at work. His emails to me are always concise, business like and very dry and they always send me into a panic.. I hate that that is what happens to me, but it does because I am so taken aback by all of this even still.
He is not sleeping much. Friend told me he confided in her that he isn't sleeping that he texted her "sleeping is overrated." He never drank coffee before, but he is drinking tons of coffee now and drinking alcohol again in bars with his new girlfriend.
When he recently came to see the kids he seemed easily distracted and paranoid about something cooking in my kitchen, which was strange behavior for him.
His girlfriend loves the Oakland "As" so he sports a visor for the team, although he never liked them before when he visits us. It is so annoying to see him wearing the visor when he is changing the car seats into his car to take the kids! One Saturday he bought the children two matching visors and then I had three heads staring back at me reminding me of the grief this manic episode has caused me and my family.
This week I emailed him asking him to go to a psychiatrist with me to discuss if we are mentally ready to go through with our divorce mediation. It was my only way of getting him to a pdoc. He agreed. So tomorrow I will make an appointment.
Strange how much of his bp I didn't see till now: like when he blew my dad's 10,000 on day trading 4 years ago, when he used our credit cards through the roof, he always wanted to move and move away from where we were. We lived in 12 homes in almost 9 years time!
How could I miss it?
I would love to hear back from you all. Your thoughts on his bp signs, your advice and support mean a lot!
Thanks!
