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10/31/2011 09:30 AM

How should I address med issue with SO?

ridingthewaves
ridingthewavesPosts: 1505
Senior Member

Hi guys! I have been very straight forward with my SO regarding my deal-breakers. One of which is take your meds as rx'ed.

Last night, we were about to watch a movie. I casually mentioned that I was taking my bedtime meds, and made a comment about him taking his. It was a brief comment as it was only 8pm. (that is when I take mine, he usually doesn't until around 9 or 10) After the movie, we were going to start another one. On our way downstairs I made another passing comment along the lines of “Do you need to take this water upstairs with you to take your meds?” he says “no” and we go downstairs to watch the movie. I fall asleep, at some point I get up in a daze and go to bed. I wake up at around 4am and he isn't in bed. I go downstairs and he is watching movies still. I ask him if he is coming to bed and he says something (remember, I am half asleep) like, soon. I remember responding with something like, “You would already be in bed if you had taken your night time meds” and then going back to bed. He came to bed at some time around 5am. I could tell he was restless and kept waking me up with his tossing and turning. He was asleep when I got up this morning and suspect he will now sleep until I go home and wake him up before his doctor's appointment at 2pm. I checked again this morning and he never did take his meds last night.

This is the first time in a long time that he has skipped a dose. Usually he takes them on his own, or if he has forgotten and I remind him, he takes them no problem. But last night I reminded him more than once, and he never took them. I realize now that I should have just addressed the issue last night but by the time I “realized” he was not going to take them, at all, vs right now, I was half asleep. How do I address it today? Say anything? Big deal? Remind him that he needs to take ALL meds as Rx'ed? Ask him why he didn't take them?

The only thing that I can think of is that he HATES Halloween… Quite a bit of bad things have happened to us on Halloween's of the past. Maybe he was trying to stay up late last night so he could sleep today away? Also, he dreads during the week because of me working all week and he sits at home “bored,” so maybe same thing, sleep away the day until I get home?

I really struggle with where the boundaries are and how to enforce them. Does not taking his meds last night, one time, grounds for a “deal-breaker” seems harsh to me, but then when do you draw the line?

BTW- his night time meds are trazadone 150mg (antidepressant), prazosin 4mg (PTSD, helps with nightmares) and klonopin 0.5mg which he did take at the same time I took my night meds (as that is what I take so I got both of our doses for that)

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10/31/2011 11:09 AM
sallyo
sallyoPosts: 3747
Group Leader

It could very well be a reaction to Halloween and feeling "bored." I think I'd bring it up at the drs. appt. to let him know you're concerned. I don't know that I'd panic after one missed dosage, but if it becomes a pattern that would be another thing entirely.

Also, keep a record of when he takes his meds so you can see a pattern between his behavior and how they're working.

Good luck at the drs. today. Hope it goes well for you.


10/31/2011 11:11 AM
lollipop
lollipop  
Posts: 4286
Group Leader

Hey RTW. I don't mean to sound negative but you HAVE to address this issue. If he had just "forgotten" to take them, it would be different. But he "CHOSE" not to take them. That's reality because you reminded him at least twice and then made one comment to him about how he would have been able to sleep better if he had already taken the meds. Then this morning you discover he chose to not take them.

In my opinion, you need to be nice BUT FIRM and just say that you observed he didn't take his meds and that needs to be a priority with him each night for him to be able to maintain his stability. If he acts negative AT ALL, IN ANY WAY....then remind him of the dealbreaker list he agreed to. Stand ready to do what you said you would do if he balks. My husband has forgotten to take his meds a couple of times and is always very compliant when I talk to him about it and gets right back to regular by the next dosage period. But if I asked my hubby 3 times about his meds, I would be very concerned and less than nice about it. His mania caused too many problems last year to be able to be sloppy about his medication dosages or the taking of the regularly. In fact, if my husband acted like that, I might have to even consider he was having a hypomanic slip into instability. So, I wouldn't freak out, yet. Just bring it up, voice your concern, remind him of the dealbreaker list, request that he get right back on there regularly. Keep your own word if he is deliberately slipping, he won't respect your word if you don't. And lastly, if he uses the lame excuse of it being Halloween....just tell him that not taking his medicine can make this Halloween be another bad one. He needs to take those medicines, RTW. You are worth it.


10/31/2011 11:17 AM
justhurt
justhurt  
Posts: 409
Member

Hello,

No meds - no marriage.

I haven't confronted this yet but that is the line for us. You know him - do you think it is ok for him to piss off his meds do he can sleep in and not deal with life/holiday? Some allowance is expected but this is your relationship as well. If you aren't comfortable you should probably say something. Not aggressively but that you did notice it and that it is important.

-just_hurt.


10/31/2011 12:35 PM
enoughalready
enoughalreadyPosts: 1418
Senior Member

RTW, the first thing that came to mind when I was reading your post was what lolli stated maybe he was feeling a little hypo last night and maybe it is because of Halloween. I know my hubby when he is in that mood would do things like not take them just because I asked him to. I dont know that I would get to upset about it just yet.

If my hubby was taking meds which he is not I might ask him something like are you feeling ok to day? just cause I noticed you did not take your meds last night and I want to make sure you are feeling ok. Then let it go and see what happens. If this is a hard time of year for him it might be just a little slip.


10/31/2011 12:42 PM
ridingthewaves
ridingthewavesPosts: 1505
Senior Member

First of all thank you all for your input. I went home at lunch BEFORE I read all of these and don't think that I handled how I should...

I got there, he was just getting up. Seemed in a fine mood. He said something about if I was going to apologize for being crabby when he woke me up last night (I was sleeping on the couch, he tried to "cuddle" and I was grumpy) so I asked if he was going to apologize for not taking his meds. He basically laughted and said something along the lines of "You want ME to apologize to YOU for ME not taking MY meds? I don't HAVE to do anything. I'm a grown mad. I won't take them for a week if I don't want to!" I then calmly said "I know I was groggy and don't remember when you woke me up but sorry that I was crabby" and started talking about something totally different. Once that conversation was done he got up and took his morning meds. All was fine... Except for that whole bipolar two sentence statement.

URGG! Also, his appt today is a first appointment with his newly assigned GP, so just a regular check up.


10/31/2011 01:48 PM
lollipop
lollipop  
Posts: 4286
Group Leader

I'm glad nothing bad came from it and I'm glad he took his medicine today. Be watchful. If necessary you will have to stand up and be willing to back up your dealbreakers list. Riding, can you refresh my memory about how he did this past summer? Didn't he quit taking them in the summer at one time? If he did, just be watchful and don't be afraid to back up your words. You aren't being unfair to expect him to do what he knows to do everytime in regard to his medications. If he forgets...that's one thing. But to deliberately choose NOT to take them is another thing, altogether. Anyway, maybe it is an isolated situation this time and nothing else will need to be said. I hope so.

10/31/2011 10:02 PM
marriedtoit
marriedtoit  
Posts: 11517
Group Leader

Riding....

Why can't you say... Time to take your meds.

Or why can't you just take the meds to him? Like a friendly gesture?

I fear your loved one is still resistant about his meds... which almost always means he is resistant about his diagnosis?

Can you try to do this with some humor to soften it up? Like put on some sunglasses and take his meds to him and say "I am sorry sir, but it has come to my attention that you haven't taken your meds for the evening."

Or maybe he would like a more direct approach. So you don't ask him about his meds....You BRING him his meds once it is clear he has "forgotten" them ( I agree with Lolli--your husband did not "forget"--he 'chose' not to take them)....and you act totally nonchalant and say "I know you are exhausted/tired/stressed/OTHER VERB so I thought you would appreciate me getting your meds together tonight."

Can I suggest, loving you totally RTW, that you need to be a bit more assertive with your man about his acceptance of his (and need for treatment for his) bipolar disorder and his alcoholism?


11/01/2011 06:32 AM
innerglow
innerglow  
Posts: 1489
Group Leader

I would imagine that he feels like you are treating him like a child with the meds. Sometimes we have to do that. I have failed in the past and not paid enough attention. Before I knew it, he was off meds and back on the biggest rollercoaster at the park. I think you handled it the right way, though. Just keep an eye on him. Then, if it turns into habit, I would definitely be more asertive.

11/01/2011 06:46 AM
ridingthewaves
ridingthewavesPosts: 1505
Senior Member

Last winter when he was still on depakote he quit taking his meds, and hid it from me for at least a few weeks. Since he got switched to lamictal (Feb) he has taken his meds always, except for truly forgetting once or twice. We talked a little bit more about why he didn't take them. His excuse that he gave me was basically he felt like I was trying to get him to take his night meds earlier and earlier. So we discussed what time they should be taken and agreed on 10 pm.

Hopefully that clears up the issue. So I will continue to remind him how I have but now if it is after 10pm, I will not ask, I will just take them to him.

Hopefully this was just a one time, being a jerk on purpose move. If not, we will have to address in a more serious manner.

Also, he has taken all of the inital testing/needs assessment for treatment. He now meets with his counselor on Thursday to hopefully finalize the what, where, and when of treatment. Unfortunetly, with state programs, they don't move at the pace that I would like. But in the mean time he has not drank. He is still out on bond from the DUI and we should know more about that in a couple weeks.

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