My husband goes off on these tangents about the stupidest things. He was basically talking to the computer saying "no, none of them have it right.". I asked what he was looking at and he said he was trying to see what people thought that the white horse meant in Ozzy Osborne's Mr. Crowley and then started on a tangent about that it is really a symbol and not cocaine. I was trying to still listen 15 minutes later as I was trying to give my daughter a bath. When I changed the subject he got very quiet saying why does he even try to have a conversation with me...what? Not sure he did this because he didn't want to go over our new budget (which will affect his out of control spending) or because he just likes to talk about random crap! Now he's pissed. Again. At me. Thank God he had to go work at one of his worksites for awhile.
Vent away, hereforhelp. Sometimes, it really does help just to get that frustration out. Hopefully, your hubby won't be so angry when he returns from the worksite and the two of you can find some common ground and good times together, for a little while later tonight.
oh my, I really couldn't stand those tangents my ex would go off on-just ridulous things and I had to try and act interested...seems he is in some real trouble tonight..(just posted on my diary about it) hopefully something bad won't happen
Help4, I have to remind myself that your husband is undiagnosed and unmedicated before I reply to your posts!
Yes, I do indeed recall how incredibly frustrating it was for my husband to get on some KICK and not be able to let it go. My husband still has this ability to dwell on something WAY too long. But it will not be about the interpretation of an Ozzy O song any more. It will be about how the banks have ruined our economy....that sort of thing.
What might help you are two strategies I had to find in my old notes.
1. Engage with him. But ask him a lot of questions. "Who doesn't have it right, hon?" "Why are you thinking about this now?" "Isn't white often used in songs for cocaine"(thinking White Rabbit?) in that era?" "Are there a lot of websites dealing with interpreting Ozzy's songs?" "Why do you think noone has understood it but you?" [This last is a question that I learned to ask....from a smart psych nurse. When our bipolar spouses are getting grandiose they are often smarter, better, more insightful, etc...than everyone. But if you start to ask them questions, they can sometimes realize their thinking is screwy. SOMETIMES.
2. Ignore him. Sounds like he was muttering at the computer and you asked him why. It is often better to NOT ask an untreated bipolar person (and yes, your husband is not for sure BP) why he or she is muttering until it seems to be really agitating them. The untreated bipolar brain can go through, just to give you an example, an urban newspaper, and find DOZENS of things to mutter about. But if you don't react, he might just keep muttering until he finishes reading the paper...
Well it's morning and he is still being an ass--only to me but laughing with our baby. He left for work. I asked him if he was going to work or trying to avoid me, he said both. Nice. Guess I set myself up for that one! I did tell him that even if he doesn't want to spend time with me it's ok it he needs to spend some time with our girl. Feeling more isolated than ever.
10/02/2011 10:59 AM
Posts: 4891 VIP Member
If he is treating you badly, he really doesn't need to be spending time with your girl, does he? I used to just leave for the day and come home at bedtime so I didn't have to deal with my husband when he was unstable. It's not a good environment for even a baby. They can really pick up on the tension. Just looking back, I wish I hadn't tried so hard to get along with him when he was irrational. There was nothing I could have said or done that would have been the right thing in his mind at that time. I think as little conversation as possible is best. But even that used to trigger him. I didn't know it at the time, but he needed to be stable. All he was doing to get there wasn't working and he didn't want to do any more. Nothing changed until I made it change.
10/02/2011 11:30 AM
Posts: 1489 Group Leader
When is the pdoc appt? I agree with wife. I have been where you are as well. Even after he has been diagnosed and is on meds, you will need tools to get through the bumps. They are big bumps at first and then they taper off. The most important tool is to know how to handle yourself in these situations. I know it sounds crazy, but you do have some control over these things. It's your reaction to how he is acting. Change your way of thinking. It's a process. I really hope things get better soon. I know how draining it can be. Keep posting.
10/02/2011 11:36 AM
Posts: 35 Member
Would be HAPPY to get out of the house but our daughter has a pretty bad cold. I really wanted to go to church today but he is gone and unsure when he'll be home. He is really, really good with our daughter. She adores him too.
Pdoc required a referral and I go that so they should be calling tomorrow. If not I will call them on Tuesday
Post edited by: hereforhelp, at: 10/02/2011 11:37 AM
10/02/2011 07:38 PM
Posts: 4891 VIP Member
Good with your daughter but not good with you? He can't have it both ways. I know it's great that he treats your daughter well, just tells you that he has it in him to treat you well, too. But he doesn't. Why? My husband got to the point of instability where he would rage in front of our baby daughter and scare her. I know now that depakote was not the med for him, lithium was not the med for him. Lamictal was the right one and thank God we found that out. But...again, until he had a willing attitude, NO med would have worked in my opinion. I think you have to have the triple threat against bp-- a willing attitude, the right med combo, and therapy.
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