Spouses of Bipolar in Active Relationships

Hello all,

I'm new to MDJ just hunting around for anything to help my get through a rough time and found this site and several of the people/stories sound like me.

I'm 32 years old from Devon in the UK and have a bipolar wife and we have 3 kids (11, 10 and 7). My wife has been on Lithium up to 800mg and Seroquel upto 450mg for the past year since a major episode that made the doc and pdoc change her from her previous meds. Apart from making her very very sleepy the new meds seem to have made little difference so they are now swapping lithium for Depokote (250mg am 500mg night currently), these seem to be making her EVEN MORE sleepy.

She is currently going through a major episode and although not the first that I've been through I am really struggling this time and realised that I cant keep doing this on my own especially as the episodes seem to get worse each time and they are making our relationship more and more strained as we argue more and more. Currently she is telling me that shes going to leave and I couldnt bring myself to say that I love her ant want her to stay. I'm fairly certain that from her side its just the episode thats making her say this and that its the stress and trying to do everything and hold down a job with no support thats making me think that it might be for the best if we did go our seperate ways but I just dont know. I do know however that once she gets started in a rage I cant just walk way and constantly find myself arguing back but just cant seem to learn that this only makes her far worse.

I would be good to hear from anyone really that has some understanding of what I'm going though but just wrinting this has helped and reading other peoples expierences has helped so much.

I'll be reading again later but need to go and get some shopping food shopping and get the kids top be soon

Post edited by: hillsideman, at: 09/26/2011 12:50 PM

Post edited by: chuckels82, at: 05/14/2013 06:28 AM

Welcome to this group, I'm sure you will find some very helpful information and support on here. Seriously, this group has been so incredibly helpful to me. I don't know what I would have done if not for having the understanding and support from these people. Being able to see others share and to be able to freely share your own story is crucial to one's own sanity! So share away

You mentioned that because of what is going on, you are arguing more and more. Personally, I think it is almost pointless to argue with someone if they are bipolar and having an episode. It doesn't accomplish anything, and just adds fuel to the fire. And it takes two to argue.

I do not know you or your wife or situation at all, but I think that with the right resources and methods, your marriage is definitely worth fighting for. Don't give up now, she probably needs you more than ever.

It is also very important to take care of your own health during challenging and stressful times.

I do not even know where to begin with the medication thing. Like chuckels said, finding the right meds and combos can be a long and difficult process. In my opinion it is something that will have to be worked on forever. I try to be optimistic, though. It is hard to know sometimes what is the disease and what is side-effects of medication.

Welcome, hillsideman! Coming here was my last resort last year and it has made such a huge difference in my life. The others are right, you must avoid arguing at all costs. Sounds like you have a lot on your hands. I have been with my husband since '97 and he was diagnosed in 2000. He is now 33 and I am 34. We have two girls (12&7). My husband would always get on meds for a little while and then decide he just didn't need them. He would self-medicate with whatever he could get his hands on. I KNOW the stress that this causes on your marriage. What I learned here is that we must maintain an open line of communication. My husband acheived stability in April of this year and has been able to maintain it. I changed the way I reacted to him by what I learned here. We are literally best friends now and I have never been happier.

Depakote has always been the steady medication for my husband. The side effects are horrible, but he has been on it so long that they don't even bother him anymore. He did gain a lot of weight at first or when he had been off of it for a while and started back again. My mother also took depakote and her hair did start thinning quite a bit. I have not noticed that with my husband, but it is a possibility.

Please keep posting. We have a lot of wonderful people here.

Welcome to our forum!!! Like everyone else on here has said, there are always alot of side effects from the meds that can cause the negative behavior in our loved ones and we all have to try and discern which is the behavior resulting from that or are our loved ones just cranky, etc. The one thing to note is that whenever there is a medicine change, there will be a time of adjustment. The body has to adjust to the new medicine and pass through some of the side effects until that adjustment is reached. It takes several weeks, at times, to reach the therapeutic level with some of the meds. Also, with time, the side effects may subside. I had to take Depakote for seizure activity. I was so tired...it kicked in about 20 minutes after taking the meds and then I would "fade" in and out with grogginess. BUT, it did subside over time. I eventually was titrated up to 2500 mg per day and wasn't tired at all when I would take it. I did, however, gain a truckload of weight and my hair did begin to thin out as innerglow mentioned above. I took it for several years, until my new neurologist put me on Lamictal (generic Lamotrigine). It works great, too, and my neurologist said it is actually more mild on the brain, etc.

My husband wasn't able to take Abilify. It made him a drooling zombie, he was soooo tired on it. Geodon wasn't much better and he developed some teeth grinding and his tongue quivered about in his mouth, as well. Those meds just didn't work well for him. He is now on Depakote and it is working for him. He also takes some anti-depressants and if he gets overly anxious he has some Clonazapam for that. Risperdal is on hand to take only when he experiences some psychosis. So far everything is working!!! Finally!!!! Perhaps your wife should give it a little time, documenting each day how she feels in a journal or notebook, and if after several weeks there seems to be no adjusting...tell the pdoc (psychiatrist) and try something new. It takes awhile to get the correct dosage or med combination. My husband took almost a year after his big episode to find the best meds to balance his brain chemicals out and achieve stability.

Hang in there. You've taken a step toward finding help by just caring enough to join mdjunction. We all share information with each other, laugh, cry, rave, rant, encourage, etc. We welcome you. Hopefully we will be able to support you while you work through the difficulties that will surely come from having to deal with this disorder. In time, we all learn how to best support our loved ones and hopefully keep our families intact. Take care. God bless. Keep posting.

Post edited by: lollipop, at: 09/28/2011 06:55 AM