For all of you newbies out there that may still be struggling with believing your loved one has truly got bipolar disorder or a mental illness that hijacks their brain and thought processes, at times,.....think about this!
*NOTE--The following isn't meant to insult anyone or hurt anyone's feelings. It is merely written as a "very small" list of any number of things that need to be considered when in doubt as to whether our loved one truly suffers with bipolar disorder or is manipulating us. I struggled with wondering if my husband was just a jerk or had bipolar disorder. After all the dust settled, I now realize he truly does suffer from bipolar disorder. Hopefully my examples below will help someone who has been struggling with the reality....
1) Have you noticed how everyone who has bipolar disorder exhibits ALOT of the same symptoms...and they don't even know each other or live by each other or work by each other or talk on the phone or anything???? 
Hmmmmm, something must be up! 
2) Have you noticed that even though alot of our loved ones with bipolar disorder don't feel like getting on mdj or any other internet site to read up on things about their illness....they still seem to "know" alot of the things that we are learning about day to day from each other and information sites on the computer????
Hmmmmm, something must be up!!!
3) Have you noticed your spouse being overly energetic at times? Or maybe saying rude things and apologizing later for it MORE than a normal person does? Have you noticed your loved one sleeping more than alot of people ever do, or maybe never really needing sleep and wondering why everyone thinks something is wrong with that? Have you noticed your loved one saying "off the wall or over the top" things to you or someone else and not understanding what all the fuss is about?
Hmmmmm, I just wonder what might be going on here....
4) Have you ever wondered what happened to the man or woman you married or wondered how they could suddenly "morph" into someone else for awhile and then return, without even realizing anything was different about themselves? Was it invasion of the body/mind snatchers?
Hmmmm, I wonder if there could be a valid reason for these things....
5) Have you ever wondered why your spouse is soooooooooooo intelligent and creative at times....above average....can even run circles around other people...cream of the crop, top of the top...fantastic....and then suddenly do something that is so contrary to their normal thinking and acting...in a huge way????
6) Do you ever wonder why they feel so much disdain about life and themselves when they are "sad"?
7) Do you ever wonder why they are sad when nothing bad is even going on around them?
8) Do you ever wonder why they can't just "pop" out of their sadness? Even when they are on medicines...? It seems like sleep is the only thing they can do? Ever wonder why in their sadness they want to isolate themselves completely from everyone around them? Sometimes even run away and show back up later crying and wanting to come home and can't explain what just happened????
Hmmmmmm, I'm thinking, I'm thinking....hmmmmmmm.
9) Have you ever wondered why your spouse would do something that hurt you so badly like tell you they don't love you and never have, when just yesterday they gave you a lovenote or just took you on a beautiful vacation last month, etc.????? How could they do that??? It doesn't make sense! Or while they are upset with you, they suddenly find this other person that is so fascinating and intriguing...a person that really "gets them", etc.???? They start saying and doing things of a more sexually explicit nature, outside their normal comfort zone? Maybe even move out, run off with someone else for awhile. And then SUDDENLY turn back around tell you they DO love you AND THEY ALWAYS HAVE..... and they don't know why they ever said they didn't, or ever thought that, or could have possibly done those things with that other person, etc.??? (Gotta add this one thing...a true cheat, a chronic cheat will not ever ever EVER really think what they did was wrong....and they will always always ALWAYS deep down try to find something or someone else at fault to justify their behavior...info compliments of my hubby's pdoc!!!) 
10) Have you ever seen your spouse suddenly become uncharacteristically angry or agitated to you and everyone who loves them? And then turn around later and say they don't know why they did it or maybe even that they can't remember doing it?
Hmmm, this is getting weird....hmmmmm
11) How about your loved one spending the rent money on buying a bunch of deer corn? Or a bunch of bingo scratch-off cards from the corner convenience store? Or giving your car payment money to a homeless person they saw in McDonald's parking lot? Or some other off the wall thing that has put your family in dire straights financially....without thought, without any guilt, without any explanation, without any history of ever acting this way before.....?
12) Have you ever wondered how a person could do these things to such an extreme and honest to goodness, not realize WHY they did it? Maybe not even realize it was THEM who did it?
Bipolar disorder. They aren't lying. Then can't help it. They are victims of their own illness. They need people to love them through it. To understand them when they don't even understand themselves.
They need people to hold them accountable for their actions, though. They need to be willing to assume responsibility for their irrational thoughts and actions that affect family/friends/coworkers, when they are unstable. If a person with bipolar disorder won't assume responsibility for their actions, who will???? There are ways to learn to do this and still come out on top in our relationship.
Our loved ones must be willing to stay med compliant. They must be willing to allow us to be in on their treatment plan and sign off on us being able to discuss their medical info with the doctors. They must not be in denial about their illness. And we mustn't be in denial about it either.
BELIEVE THIS: If your loved one has exhibited a cluster of symptoms, simultaneously in a given timeframe...and a professional has listened to everything....and made the diagnosis of them having a chemical imbalance in their brain, called bipolar disorder.....Believe it. I had a very hard time last year. The most difficult time was the first 6 months or so, not really knowing my husband had bipolar disorder. And then my thoughts on the matter ricocheted back and forth for months after that. He has been diagnosed now by 2 psychiatrists, one neuropsychologist, a neurologist who listened in on the symptoms, and he even has a family history of mental illness, etc. I believe it now....but I understand how difficult it is to believe in the beginning. In my opinion there are toooooooo many commonalities among our loved ones with the diagnosis of bipolar to rationally believe anything else EXCEPT that they truly have the disorder. They aren't tricking you. They aren't trying to manipulate you. They don't like their behavior themself. They would change it if they could. Believe it.
IT'S NORMAL. DON'T BE HARD ON YOURSELF IF YOU ARE HAVING A DIFFICULT TIME BELIEVING THIS COULD BE HAPPENING TO YOU/YOUR LOVED ONE/YOUR RELATIONSHIP/YOUR FAMILY, ETC. BUT IT'S GONNA GET BETTER. Hang in there!!!! Know we are here for all of you. Please feel free to post, vent, rant, ask questions...whatever you need to do!!!!
Post edited by: lollipop, at: 09/01/2011 01:30 PM
In the beginning I did feel kind of sorry for her. I thought she was caught up in his manic actions, until I got to thinking about it....she was 50 or so years old and she was the one who kept on contacting him AFTER I found out and stuff. She said he would respond sometimes, but not all the time and never told her he loved her or anything after he had first said they needed to stop things. She even went on to tell me she had written him "a hell of a love note" later on and he didn't respond. When I got to thinking about all of that stuff she said to me....it was hard to see her as a victim anymore since she was the one who kept initiating things for months afterward. But oh, well. That was then and this is now. And she isn't in my now. The way I look at it, he is moving on with his life, she said she was moving on with her life....and I'm trying to use the knowledge and experience I've received from such a selfish act between two people to teach others that it isn't their fault when someone lies and steps out on you. I don't care what the reason for it is....there is no good reason a person can present...unless they are a chronic or true cheater....lol 
