Spouses of Bipolar in Active Relationships

Hey guys, I originally posted in another section, but I guess my thread technically belongs here. if anyone would like to offer me some advice please view my story...

http://www.mdjunction.com/forums/bipolar-spouses- discussions/general-support/2977894-just-married-and-wife- completely-changed-manic

Thanks!

Welcome, swift! We're glad you're here. You've very welcome on both groups; there's a lot of cross-overs.

As I said on your original post, we understand the pain you're in. Take it one step at a time, and make sure you get the help you need to understand the disorder and ways to cope with it. Hang in there, take care of YOU, and keep posting.

I am quite impressed with how you are handling this! I know you feel like you are falling apart, but you are doing much better than I did. My husband was diagnosed in 2000 when he was 22 and we had already been married for over a year with a one year old daughter as well. He has been on and off meds for most of that time. I find that is one of the hardest things to get him to do is realize that he needs to stay on the meds. He might feel okay one day, but that just means the meds are working. He has been completely stable now since April of this year. I will tell you that Zoloft sent my husband into a horrible mania last year. He went to a family doctor and did not tell them he was bipolar and asked for anti-depressants. That sent him completely out of control. He left me and our two girls and couldn't give me an explanation. He just left. Once he came down from mania, he realized what he had done. He couldn't believe that he walked out on his loving family for no reason. This evil force had taken over and wouldn't let go. You have a long road ahead of you if you decide to stay by her side. In my situation, it was well worth it. I *finally* have the husband that I always knew was there. I went through hell, though. I am glad I found MDJ. I think that is how I learned to face bp head on without crying and pleading with him each time that it took over. I love these people here. I have been coming here since October, 2010. Such a blessing. Good luck to you. Keep coming here to vent. There's a lot of wisdom here.

Thank you guys for your words. You're right, I do have a long road ahead if I stay, but, that will only come if she somehow decides she loves again, wants to be married, and my real wife returns - which currently seems unlikely.

I fear Zoloft. It is what pushed her last time into a very high manic phase where, in my opinion, she cheated, despite breaking up with me the day before. If the PDoc puts her on Zoloft I'm running for the hills.

If she comes back the first thing I'm doing is having her sign that release so I can talk to these guys.

If she comes back and things head in the right direction I will probably fly to each of your houses and give you all a huge hug and kiss! lol I feel like I almost connect with you guys as much as I did with the real wife. Thank you!

swift,

keep it coming brother. it helps to get it out. vent, vent, cry, cry. whatever it takes. we are here for you.

joyce

For what it's worth, my wife is on a cocktail of klonopin, geodon, lamictal-- the usual. The doc brought in Deplin 15mg; it's a supplemental drug, supposed to counteract side effects of others. Really helped with the mania/jump out of skin thoughts, brought her more into the light.

Post edited by: chuckels82, at: 05/13/2013 11:21 AM

Just read your original post; ironically, my wife is a psych major, BP, and did a lot of the things yours is doing. Took the last 5 years to get any semblance of sanity back; her personality changed, however, and she still has bouts of hypersexuality/darkness. Comes down to your patience, and even supervision where you can; I asked to attend her doctor appts, and she's brought me to every one since (to the point where if I don't show up, it's questioned). Likely, the doctor WANTS your insights, too-- helps with the diagnosis. (I initially set up a separate appointment, just to talk it through as well.)

It's tough, but what got me through is thinking that, if I were in that position (rock bottom, out of control, in darkness), what would I want my best friend to do for me? However, there are limits, and someone told me recently only you can know what those are.

Welcome swift, my husband went horribly manic two years ago, did the same behavior and same verbal statements as your wife. Read my story and my threads and younwill see. What helped me, was since he at that time would not give me access to his pdoc, i found out i was able to tell her or fax her helpful information since they dont usually get the whole truth. She told me she justbcouldnt talk to me about my husband. So if she wont let you go, i would still give the dr whatever info you feel will be helpful to get the right diagnosis. Until she goes to a dr and gets on a mood stabilizer, you will have it really hard, so i would just give her her space, until she comes down.

I feel for you, it took over a year for my husband to come home and accept help, i hope it is faster for you.

Stay strong.

Welcome to the group, Swift.

Zoloft is an antidepressant and often, when bipolar people are diagnosed ONLY as depressed, and put on an antidepressant, they can be tripped into mania. This certainly could have happened in your wife's case.

I think you should try to get her parents to read up on bipolar disorder. You might be surprised at how receptive they will be. (Of course, it is possible they will be in deep denial because they feel responsible....) At least try to reach them, I would say.

The thing that you MUST do is not take her back unless she agrees to be on psych meds and let you have contact with her psychiatrist. I no longer go to my husband's appointments, but I have access to his psychiatrist (and ALL of his team, including his therapist) and I have a medical power of attorney. You might ask her to let you come "at first, till the meds get right."

You must be going through tremendous heartache and stress right now. So soon after your dream wedding, and she turns upside down. But reassure yourself that it is NOT your fault, and that this is NOT the woman you married. And please come here to vent and cry and scream!