Spouses of Bipolar in Active Relationships

Hello. David is on meds. He takes four a day. He is 46, I am 44 and we have been married for almost 28 years. I knew something wasn't right the first week of our marriage. Yes he could be abusive. A punch here, a shove there. But a short while later, he seemed fine. He was diagnosed about 3 years ago after an attempted suicide. He tired once more after being on meds. The doctor says he is Bipolar. Sometimes I wonder if he is borderline personality disorder. Most days he is fine. A wonderful, talented, hard working man. While the meds calmed his moods. (he calls his meds his life support), a new mood has come about these last few years. He is on facebook, was on a singles web site, and now he wants a divorce. But, now get this, he wants us to still live together. He says he knows I will be a bitch and just leave him though. He asks, Why can't I give us a chance without that little contract piece of paper? For quite some time we had been getting along great. Now for the last three weeks he has been mean and hateful. Hateful by ignoring me, or using sarcasms. Nothing I do is right. We spent several days in the Keys, scuba diving and fishing. One night, David was driving the boat in and he wanted the rope tied up to the middle cleat. Well it would not fit. We tried to tell him this, but he kept yelling. Then he fussed at us (me and his dear wonderful friends that we have had for almost 30 years). Next thing we knew he was gone. I went back to our rental house. I found David had crawled up in the closet and he was sleeping. I slid open the doors to let air in. When I went back in the bedroom later, he was out of closet. I noticed the door was ajar to the balcony out of our bedroom. Surely he could not have jumped down the twenty feet to the ground. So I closed the door, and on a whim, looked under our bed. There he was hiding under the bed. SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME, what is going on with this man? He asked for a divorce back in Nov, but has not filed. I told him last night that I was going to file, as I had finally found peace in my heart to let him go. He should not have to live unhappy with me. My goal in filing in for reconciliation. Maybe to wake him up. Any advice. Please.

Sandy

when is the last time that he saw his pdoc?

do you go with him? this is a must.

it sounds like he may need a med change. a lot of the time, as the body gets used to the meds, it takes a different med to get the same result.

i know this has to be driving you nuts. if possible, get him back to his pdoc, and see if that helps.

God bless

joyce

His behavior is very bizarre, I mean sleeping in the closet and hiding under the bed! I think he needs immediate help, can you call the pdoc? I think he may need to be in the hospital, I don't know, but call the pdoc if you can. This is very strange.

The wanting to be divorced but still living together? That is an incredibly unbelievable suggestion on his part. His thinking is way off, in my opinion. The meds he's on? Not right, I'm thinking. Or are you sure he's taking them? He almost sounds psychotic, delusional.

I am no dr., please check this out with his pdoc. This is important. His safety may be at stake. I might be going a little overkill here not knowing all of the details, but better to be cautious.

I noticed in your post that he used to be physically abusive. And now, this? I think your instincts to be done with him are spot on.

It does sound like he might be psychotic. I would call his pdoc to report this behavior asap....and maybe I am paranoid, but I would also get away from him. Abusers rarely change and psychosis is by definition someone who is a danger to self and others.

Post edited by: chuckels82, at: 05/13/2013 11:20 AM

My husband has slept in our garage in the back of his pick up truck before back in the early 90's. We didn't know he was bipolar at that time. I did think it was odd. It went on for about 3 days. I didn't try to get him out of his truck though. I just shut the door and went on about my business. I was working full-time then and had 3 kids to deal with. In retrospect, he was in psychosis. It wasn't the first time, either. Just a different type of action he was taking, at that moment.

Last year, my husband had a manic episode where he definitely fell into psychosis. One of the things he did while in psychosis was "hide" under the blanket...he felt secure under there. (His words) This went on sporadically for months. We have no relatives or close friends in our current town so no one saw this odd behavior UNTIL my mother came for a visit this year. He was still doing it the first part of this year and was hiding under a blanket in the den in her presence. He felt more secure. He would sleep primarily under there, but occassionally he would have something to say and would say it from under the blanket. It bugged my 74 year old mother to see this. By this time I was becoming more use to seeing him like that, so I told her not to worry about it. That he would be better later. Slehrke, my husband is bipolar 1 and has catatonia. His mother had schizophrenia. Does your husband have a history of any other times of psychosis? Maybe something you've dismissed in the past as just being stupid or weird behavior? Like me with the truck in the garage stuff?

My husband suffers from some schizophrenia and has to take Risperdal when he is falling into psychosis. Since he has been fairly stable, he has only had to take it once in addition to his other medications he takes on a daily basis. His pdoc has us keep the Risperdal on hand for just such times. Does your husband take his meds regularly? What are they? He is manic right now.

It sounds like he could use a med change. If you can, I agree with Married, try to call his doctor and tell them about this behavior. Before my husband was diagnosed, he would sleep in the fetal position in his computer room.

Sometimes, the finality of the relationship is what pushes them to get help. I know with mine it did. We went through a rough time prior to his diagnosis. I told him that I wanted to split up. We did. He went back to his doctor, figured out what was wrong with him, and started meds and therapy. I'm not saying that is the case with everyone, but it does seem to be a pattern I've noticed.

Yup, the others are right. the hiding is familiar. is sounds like he needs a meds change, and like he really needs to go inpatient. Just remember that he is not *really* processing anything he says or does right now. Protect yourself.

He seems fine now. It was just that one incident. He says he just needs to find new friends. He is on his meds. I know he takes them faithfully. As far as I know he has not seen the doctor in some time. He will not let me go with him, and we don't ever talk about his illness. But I wish we did. I wish we could talk about it all.

If he won't let you go to the dr. you can always send a letter or a fax to let him know what's going on.