Spouses of Bipolar in Active Relationships

I loved him, he’s very sensitive, and he has no affection, shows no affection. Can I kiss you NO! WHY ARE YOU SO CLOSE TO ME! Why did I love him, intimate when he wanted to be. I can’t ask him he always says NO! or nothing at all to me. No gifts on holidays because it’s not his thing. I can’t say or tell him anything. If I say the wrong thing he might blow up on me. I tried to make it work, I loved him, and this is the second breakup in 3-years. I can’t take it anymore he blew up on me again in the same manner that caused the 1st breakup, WOW!!! I gave him a second chance he blew it again, in his mind it’s all my fault. All I did was ask him a question, he always acts like I’m defending somebody else and not him, when I don’t offend or defend anyone. Consider me dead he told me hangs up the phone, hasn’t called me again.

I’m hurt but somewhat relived, I still love him but I can’t go back again. I’ve tried so hard to deal with him and actually make two-years out of it work. He’s never going to change and I don’t think I deserve this type of person in my life. He’s never going to commit to me probably had no intentions at all. He wants to be the one in control I can’t always let him because he’s not stable. It can work I know it can or maybe I’m just the one chasing after someone who doesn’t want to be with me.

Hi, idealwithit. Welcome to our forum. Is he medicated for his bipolar? Does he see a pdoc (psychiatrist)? Or a counselor of any type? If he isn't medicated, that would be the very first step for him to take to try and achieve stability. It sounds like he just isn't stablized right now. I'm so sorry you are having to endure that type of behavior. It hurts when someone we love tells us to "get away from them", even when we know intellectually they are ill and it is the illness speaking. I hope everything gets better. Take care.

From your description of life with him, I don't see what the attraction is. I think from what little you've mentioned about yourself, that you are right, you are probably better off without this man who doesn't treat you with any respect at all and has no intentions of getting stable. Knowing what I know now, I would not stick around waiting for a man I said I loved to get stable so I could be happy. For me, it took years and a lot of pain and hurt. It worked out for us, but it could have just as easily gone the other way. It was HIM who worked hard for his stability. I was his main support person during his struggle. I gave him choices, not demands. He chose our family over being alone or starting over with someone else. If he didn't choose us, I would have moved on, as hard as it would have been.

Sorry you are dealing with this difficulty. It's hard to accept that someone doesn't want to do everything they can to be well and would let someone who loves them slip away. Very hard. Take care of YOU, really.

He told me in the beginning of our relationship that the doctor said he's bipolar and schizophrenic the reason he is on disability. Medication wise don't know what he's taking or if he even takes it. I'm trying to understand if his anger towards me is part of hi illness. The last time he blew on me like this he didn't contact me for a year, I was the one to reach out to him, this time I just can't reach out again.

I think you have to look at the whole picture. It is not just that he is raging. He also doesn't give you affection, doesn't give you presents, he was so unstable he has broken up with you once before this time.

If you were only right there at that moment---thinking about taking him back again---I would say NO. Not until he has atoned for what he did when he was unstable, gotten on meds, gotten serious about his stability. And stayed that way for AT LEAST SIX MONTHS.

So, I think that unless some miracle happens, you should let him go and count yourself better off for it.

marriedtoit you make a good point.