Spouses of Bipolar in Active Relationships

Am I wrong for hoping that this is all one big mistake and he really doesn't have bp? The doctors diagnosed him in one 15 min session, the first time they ever met him, and I just keep thinking, how did they figure that out so quickly when he has had these feelings for all 27 years of his life?! He even got a second opinion, and I am still just hoping that we are going through a tough time that will pass. I don't know what to think anymore.

Your feelings are not wrong. We have all had them. I remember praying...this is bad, yall...that my husband would be found to have some brain problem. A benign tumor pressing on some lobe that when removed would render him...normal. I did pray this.

But....I read your post about the ritalin, and Hopeful was so careful to catch that. Ritalin OFTEN (but not always) is really bad news for bipolar people. I think on all the posts I have read here (and not talking about the spouses, but about the bipolar boards--and there are many of those with thousands of members), I have seen under ten people (in over a year here) who are on small amounts of ritalin that don't have problems. If he is raging at you...well, just my experience in reading and living with this disoder suggests that you need a doctor who will evaluate him for more than 15 minutes and will not just throw a med at him for the LSAT. Trouble concentrating is a side effect of many bipolar meds. And often it goes away with time.

Everything you have posted suggests to me that you should seek out a psychiatrist with experience (or better, if you can, expertise) with bipolar. If you have to drive and stay over night in a major city, do it.

Think of it this way---you are what my mom would call "in a state." What could it hurt if you get a second opinion from someone familiar with bipolar disorder?

{{{{{{newlywed}}}}}}}}

No you are not wrong, but what do you think this behavior would be caused from if not bp? I was relieved there was an answer to my husband being a horrible person. He never had the rage or anger, thank god, but he changed into a person that was everything he is against when healthy. He did have anxiety problems as well as having problems concentrating. The new pdoc told him it wasn't ADHD, it was all part of his bp and old behavior problems. He told him limit caffeine and no stimulants, period. He also told him he didn't want him on an anti-depressant that had alot of SSRI, thats why he put him on Wellbutrin. What he told made alot of sense, since going on the stabilzer and wellbutrin, he is going back to the husband with good morals and values again.

I really encourage you to take Married's advice and find a good pdoc that knows alot about bp and meds for it.

I am sorry you are going through all of this, being a newlywed is hard enough without this. To have someone that is your life partner say hurtful things to you is horrible. My husband said mean things to me too, but after being with him for 18 years, I knew it wasn't him wanting to say them. Hold onto that, it will help!

( ( (Newlywed) ) )

Oh, yes!!! I've had those same thoughts. Maybe he doesn't really have bipolar....but now after two different doctors listening to his story from childhood to present and taking into consideration different types of behavior he exhibits in situations of life...joyful times, times of disappointment, response to loss of a loved one, etc. Definitely my husband has it. Nothing has changed since we have found out he has bipolar. But now we know the "why" to his behavior and are trying to work together for his stability. My husband is having a little trouble again, right now.

No, you are not wrong. Who in the world would want this diagnosis for anyone they loved? Having said that, I think that a diagnosis in 15 minutes is cause for a little concern. My husband began seeing his present pdoc in 9/08 and was initially diagnosed with depression. The mood disorder diagnosis was not made until 10/09, after a five day civil commitment following a suicide attempt. Knowing that he was terribly med resistant, she introduced the term "agitated depression" to him in 2/10 and finally said "mood disorder" & prescribed Lithium in 4/10. At any rate, you might want to consider a second opinion.

I'll have to find the post about Ritalin to which Married refers. My husband's diagnosis is bipolar/mixed. He is always very depressed, frequently having suicidal thoughts. However, he also has periods of hypomania at the same time. He has been having a VERY difficult time in the mornings for some months, often crying in my arms before he leaves for work. His pdoc started him on 5 mg of Ritalin in the morning and it has been like a miracle drug for him. No more crying in the morning and a lot less anxiety than he had been having. I've read several articles on the internet (AKA, the tome of allknowledge) about the off label use of Ritalin for depression. The pdoc says it doesn't work. Based on my husband's reaction to the small dose he is on, I am not convinced.

Hopeful is right. As hard as it might be, since your "married history" is quite short at the moment, you need to keep telling yourself that those mean nasty things are the BP talking, not the man you married. I know that it is sometimes hard to rise above the nastiness. And the unfortunate part is, the words can cut you like a knife and most of the time he won't even remember saying them.

Keep venting! It is the best medicine for you!

In another thread, married mentioned something about not focusing on the diagnosis, but the behaviors. I think this is a good way to look at this. No matter what it's called, it's a problem. If he is cycling, having mood swings, etc. That is a problem that needs medication to regulate. I think if this a tough time that will pass, it's probably a lot more tough than a regular tough time in a normal marriage. Is there a reason for you to be going through a tough time? Did something happen? Even so, a lot of times, situational depression due to a death or even a happy event like getting married can throw someone into mania or depression due to bp. It happened to my husband and I see it all the time in my bp support group. Our group leader just had a suicide attempt in Nov. He said that his dad had just died and some other things happened that exacerbated his bp symptoms to the point of suicidal thoughts. I think if you have already received a second opinion, you should go with it for now. See if meds will alleviate his problems. I know he's already been on 10 different meds in the last year, right? But I think that is not a lot of time to see if they work. JMO. The one thing you have to your advantage is that he is willing to take meds. There is hope in that alone.