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01/26/2011 10:02 PM

Permit me a Rant

Posts: 251

So, if some of you venture in the family support forum for bipolar disorder, you'll find my threads about my boyfriend's fourth attempt before I came to this support group.

But anyway...when I stopped talking to him for a weekend, unfortunately that was when he attempted (though he honestly told me it wans't just me not talking to him it was the home situation had become toxic for hi...), I asked a close friend of his to keep an eye on him, because I knew he was unstable, but I also knew that if I talked to him I would probably have yelled at him. He insulted me rather badly before I decided to take a small break for myself.

So, this friend I told to watch over him was apparently irritated from me as my boyfriend told me. He thought I didn't handle things well and at times ignored me when I asked about said boyfriend during my small break. I honestly want to punch that friend right now.

This close friend might be close to him, might see him occasionally, but talk to him online and on the phone a lot, but he has no idea what it is like to be on the front line of fire all the time with my boyfriend.

My boyfriend is not violent, but he is one of the snarkiest people you will ever meet, with a heart of gold but still. When he turns that snark loose on me, not intending to tease but to hurt, well, it hurts.

I know friends are biased, but this guy told me that it was "fair" that I was taking a step back from talking to my boyfriend. Generally my boyfriend and I try not to keep things from one another, which is why he told me this, and I actually know he was being honest. But still, it really, really, really bugs me right now.

You can advise me on a situation, you can be there for me, but no one has the right to completely judge the way I try to handle things with my boyfriend unless you've walked in my shoes.

And I can't blow up at this friend because he's actually a big part of my boyfriend's support group. -sigh- I'm glad there are people out there that know what I'm going through, because many people actually do not know exactly how difficult it is to be in a relationship with someone with bipolar disorder unless you've done it.

I asked that friend to do what I usually do every day for two days. Was that really so much to ask for? Alright, end rant. Thanks for listening all.


01/27/2011 10:18 AM
Posts: 4891
VIP Member

Love that word "snarkiest"! You are absolutely right. No one knows what it's like to be in a relationship with someone who has bp until they experience it first hand. And it is different if it's your child vs. your husband. A lot of people pass judgement, shaking their heads saying, "I couldn't do it". Well, maybe not, but they are forgetting that we love our bf's, husbands, just like they love theirs. Are they saying that if their spouse developed bp they would just give up and say they couldn't do it? Maybe, maybe not. You just don't know what you are capable of dealing with until it happens to you. Everyone is different in their experiences and tolerance and emotional strength. I really feel like some people think I'm foolish for living the way I do, but I love my husband and I married him and I'm going to do all that I can to help him with this, just like he will help me if I have a health issue. Love runs deeper than an illness. But, the fact that he wants to manage it and be balanced is the key to our continuing our journey together. I read about people who have unwilling partners everyday. That is not going to work until they are willing. It's the choice everyone makes that makes or breaks the relationship.

01/27/2011 06:44 PM
Posts: 1981
Senior Member

"Love runs deeper than an illness." Excellent!!!!!!!!!!

I second everything wife said. Wink


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