Spouses of Bipolar in Active Relationships

I have this terrifying habit. When I get depressed I push away the people who love me the most. I think I just want to cut all my ties with my loved ones, and that way I don't have to worry about anyone except for myself and I don't have to think about how my unhealthy ways will be affecting them, because they won't be loving me any longer. Do any of y'all have this experience.. either in themselves or recognize it in their loved one?

I just finally told someone who I do this to that this is what I do today and now I'm terrified because in the past it always worked, whereas now I'm afraid it's not going to work anymore. What I would do is push away the people who love me most so that I wouldn't have to feel any sort of obligation to anyone- because when I'm depressed (more so for me lately than ever) I just don't want to really participate in life whatsoever. I guess I'm just asking if anyone else does this or has a loved one that does this and if they have noticed anything that helps to reverse or stop this destructive process that I way too easily begin?

I can relate to this. I also feel that I don't want to participate in life when I am depressed. I actually just wrote about it in my diary. Married gave me some good advice. I cancelled plans with a friend because I didn't want to be around anyone and she reminded me that I should get out of the house to try to feel better. I think when we are depressed and we recognize that we want to isolate we have to make an effort to do just the opposite. We need to spend time with our loved ones. It is hard to do at first but after awhile it starts to make you feel better. I hope you start feeling better soon. If you need someone to talk to about it feel free to PM me.

I agree, chaudoin, that when a BP is depressed and recognizes that he/she wants to isolate, he/she must make an effort to do just the opposite. Any ideas on how the SO can assist in this endeavor?

My husband is the king of isolation. He spends almost every hour that he is home shut away in his home office (he does works full time outside of the home). He makes an appearance for dinner. His pdoc has been trying to discourage this for months. I've tried talking to him about it. He says there isn't any place else in the house for him to be.

Hi there! I think married's advice was very good. And thanks for sharing what you did with me everyone. I guess all I need to think about is how when I'm depressed I basically need to try to do exactly opposite of what I want to do. I think it will take some practice but with time I am hoping this will get easier for me. Thanks everyone and Happy new years!!!!

Also, Micah can help with that. Like, my hubby gets like that a lot. One example is that he was kind of isolating himself, not grooming himself, laying around. So, I walked in the bathroom when he was in there, grabbed the electric razor and started shaving his face around his goatee. Once I did that and he looked better, he decided to take a shower. So, I said... let's go get something to eat. So, I ended up taking us all to eat pizza and then we went to the park to let the kids play and he ended up playing basketball with our son. He ended up feeling much better. I may have pushed him a little bit, but I think he wanted to feel better.

Hi Angel, wow! You are amazing! I bet your hubby totally appreciated that! Today Micah has been like that with me. He came upstairs and gave me my pills and said here take them, and then let me sleep in a bit more since I was up til 3 am. Then a bit later he came upstairs again started the shower and carried me out of bed and said there get in shower although I was protesting the whole time. Now I'm up and dressed, feeling much better and he's helping me to make breakfast. Haha, no not really. But he is on me today to workout. He says that I better workout today while it is still light because I always feel better when I do. Today it's like zero outside so he suggested I do one of my taebo video tapes in the livingroom and he said he'll go downstairs and lift weights. He is really sweet and so loving, I am so lucky to have him in my life

That's so great! I was just thinking about how I could get my husband motivated today. He did get going this morning and took a shower, but now he's been lying on the couch all day. We did that yesterday, which was ok, but today I'm ready to do something. I've been cooking and went grocery shopping. I asked him if he was a little "off" today and he smiled and said he was ok, just didn't have any energy. I think if he would go for a quick walk with me, he would feel a little more energetic. It's pretty cold and windy here, too. But, it's going to be for the next 2-3 months. Maybe just around the block...

Post edited by: wifeonbpexpress, at: 11/26/2012 07:27 PM

The only way I can motivate Katie to do any kind of exercise when she is not feeling like it is pick one she would like to do anyways. That is why I picked taebo today. I just keep bugging her until she does it. Normally I just give her a reason why she should do it. I tell her the pattern I see- when she goes for a walk or exercises she feels better for the rest of the day. When I point it out then she recognizes the fact that it does help and then she is more motivated to do it. But I gotta go because I gotta get her to start her taebo dvd. I will give her rewards sometimes at the end like we will do something that we both enjoy doing together or I will cook her something nice. It may sound weird but sometimes that is the extra push it takes to get her to do it.

I don't think that sounds wierd. I think that sounds very loving and nice! Yesterday I did get Bob to go for a walk and when we were done, I asked him if he wanted to stop in this awesome Mexican restaurant downtown for lunch. Of course, he said yes, so it was kind of a reward. We can't afford to do that everytime and it would really defeat the purpose of walking in the first place, but maybe to get him started and get us in the habit it wouldn't be a bad idea. I like the idea of offering a "reward" of spending time together doing something fun. That sounds like a reward for both of us.

That's so cool, you guys. And you won't believe what my hubby's new years resolution is. To start walking!!!

It's raining here today. But, we're going to start walking on Monday after the kids are off to school and we are alone.

I'm so glad to know that exercise can help the moods. I'm really looking forward to it now. Not to mention hoping I may drop a few pounds.