Social Anxiety Disorder Support Group

hello..ive been starting to have issues being around people ..for about 3 months i isalated in my room..i would come out go work everyday..usually..cook dinner if it was nesesary..but i would stay in there from time i got home till the time i went to bed..but it was a big house an we lived with my brother his 2 small children,my 2 kids my wife an I..an a freind also..so it was just to much for me..but we moved out of there an we all went our separate ways..the familly an i moved to smaller house across town an it broke me outa that isolation or so i thought..so now i just stay home an wont go anyware unless its nesesary..wich really doesnt bother me i think...but..its my wife now that has to hAve social interaction...an now we are conflicting over it..i hate people..i hate havting to stand there around people i dont know..i get nervous just havting to go to the store..an ill drive across town to diff store so i wonty have to go back see same people. its getting harder to stay at work..its causing me major problems now . last night the wife wanted go out..an just thinkin About it made my chest all tight my heart pound for min.. i tryed to tell her what i was feeling but she turns it into its all about me...an it has been for awile for ive been tryin to get stablized for my bi polar but ive been addicted to opiaetes ..pain pills an today is first day off them for last time is the plan..cause we are at a stand still till all drugs are out my system before we can move on with the bi polar an to top it all off i was just diagnosed having PTSD. an i keep getting lil flashes off a very disturbing childhood that i have blocked out....an it just seems like im more comfortible alone or with my familly ..as lon as its quet lol...just kiddin..

steve, there's nothing wrong with wanting things quiet. Believe it or not, what you're going through is probably temporary, a year, two. You probably need some down time in order to put things together. It's okay to need time and take time to heal. And, likewise, if your wife feels otherwise, encourage her to find some time for herself to go out. Tell her things will change. You just need to recharge your batteries. Try and find that mutual respect where you can talk to eachother instead of feeling pressure. Maybe go to a marriage counselor even, if you need it. The more support you can find, individually and together, the stronger it'll make your family bond.

that feeling of hating people and hating the pressure of socializing is common with us all. But the less stress your under, the less hate you feel. So, try to find ways to minimize your stress first. It takes time. Hope this helps. I'm just your first contact. Hold on cause there are a lot of (really GREAT) opinions here and they'll post soon. Glad you posted.

Steve, I can relate. I prefer to stay in my house. I am also in a constant struggle with getting my meds straight. I was addicted to pain pills for a couple of years, I stopped them cold turkey and it was hard but I made myself go for walks by myself. I convinced myself that the more I walked the more the addiction would fade. It actually really helped me. I have bipolar disorder and PTSD also, I know it all seems like alot to deal with but just take it slow. Keep an open line of communication with your wife even if she gets angry just be honest.

ok I disagree with Sharon not always a temporary thing to feel that way first of all allow your wife to find social outlet second of all find small ways to break out of your hermit like existence you might not hate people but the feeling you get when you are around them might be really what you hate. So find a way to combat it basically pin point your exact triggers and then figure out why they are triggers then you can form a plan to ease your self out in the world If you need to seek help from a professionalI am still working on this process so it takes time and I go back in my shell alot

in reading it again might take a while there you are getting help and your wife needs patience with you

hey...you can't disagree with me! JK. points well taken, vickiem! and lovespeonies, I know the power of walking so totally agree w/you.

Hey Steve,

If you are still around everyone has great advice for you. As someone who was also given the bipolar diagnosis, and PTSD, I am beginning to understand just how incidents in our childhood can manifest themeselves into life altering coping mechanisms.

The social anxiety, IMHO, is a symptom of a larger problem that I am not addressing. The anxiety that I feel around people is because of things that happened in my childhoold. While some of those things were foreign to me, others were not. Those things caused me to not trust people, and the feeling in the pit of my stomach is the feeling that I carry from those events.

Like you Steve, I've just started having some "flashbacks" that have been troubling for me. They have caused triggers, anxiety, extreme crying, and a host of other symptoms, that I am uncomfortable with. While I understand your fears and frustrations, we have to also understand what this is possibly doing to your relationship, your family. Ultimately, it is not healthy for us to isolate like that.

One thing that works for me is to go to places where there are not a lot of people, now this is usually early in the day on weekends, before people get out of church..or late at night. I usually can tell by the number of cars in the parking lot...heavy sigh...but that is what I do so that my daughter can have her days when I feel like it. I would suggest starting there, find some place like that, and go with your wife.

Sounds like you are already getting help, I hope that your wife is going too.

Good luck!

Post edited by: ohfaithful, at: 01/21/2010 04:54 AM

actually the damage is done an my wife as know almost had a breakdown ..not really but pretty depressed now over the whole situwation that we are in ..but it as showed me i need to do somthing to make it better wich isnt easy to do but i feel i got good chance possibly..i got my doc to give me back the depakote i used to take i just hope it does alright with what i already take. tho she is startin to kinda come out of it..i think..she been mean as hell last few days.

Hey Steve,

Happy to hear you're still around and working at things! It's certainly a slow process, I can attest to that, but it gives me hope that we'll both get there!

She's mean as hell huh , well say nice things when you can, help out when you can, and sit back and wait. What's that saying about giving up JUST BEFORE THE MIRACLE, we'll I'm waiting for the miracle and you should too!

Have a great day!

Steve, good luck to you with the Depakote - hopefully it will kick in and you'll start to feel better and more in control of your thoughts and situation. I believe that social anxiety comes from a mixture of nature and nurture, that is, how we are genetically predisposed to be hyper-sensitive to stimuli of all kinds, and having to deal with traumatic childhoods or events from our past which still haunt us because they were never properly acknowledged or worked through emotionally. Some traumas overwhelm the human psyche, and it takes a lot of time and therapy to recover. I agree with Vickie that this is a process, and sometimes it will be a matter of two steps forward, one step back. But it sounds as if you are making some progress - you are writing about it on our forum, you are back on medication that has helped you in the past, and you are attempting to take some baby steps into the outside world, gradually and in your own time and space, to improve your relationship with your wife, who needs more socializing.

I think it's a good idea for her to have social interests, friends, and activities that don't involve you, so she doesn't always rely on you for all of her outings. It would boost her self-confidence as well. In the nice weather, walking around the neighborhood together or hiking on a trail is a nice way to socialize in a low-key manner. Stores like Super Wal-Mart are not at all crowded late in the evening past 10 PM or early in the morning from 6-8 AM. This may sound funny, but when I get tired of the same four walls and have a bit of cabin fever, I like to go to our local library. People are usually fairly quiet and minding their own business, and there are no loud pushing, shoving crowds, or people in your face.

Yoga class is another excellent calming group activity the two of you could try. Try to find a small beginner's class. Tai chi would be good too....anything where people are working to center and calm their minds.

You are dealing with a lot right now, and still staying on an even keel and getting through it all, so give yourself credit for that! Remember, baby steps. None of us tackle everything in one day, we need to pace ourselves with this SA "exposure" thing.

My son was really anti-social and was suffering from severe depression and post-traumatic stress after going through some horrible bullying incidents at his middle school that completely destroyed his self-confidence, self-esteem, and desire to be around people.

Being a 14 year old boy, however, he does love to eat! We started going on drives in the evening and ending up at local town diners like Denny's, where no one knew us or our past or our business. It was almost like being on vacation, being anonymous in the neighboring towns. My son got a lot of social confidence just through interacting with the waitresses and doing his own ordering and sometimes striking up conversations with the cook! It was good for me too, because I was forced out even when I didn't feel like it, for his good....and it benefited both of us. Sometimes I'd just get coffee and a piece of pie, or nothing to eat. It really helped with the cabin fever and didn't stress me out like so many "social" experiences of the kind you are talking about, the ones that make you break out in a cold sweat or send you into a panic attack just thinking about them. I would avoid those things for now, but I think that getting out with your wife a little at a time, doing things that are not so difficult (eating gives you something to do so you don't have to talk much!) would be good for both of you.