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11/17/2008 05:37 AM

This is how I feel today...

MissMay1977

I am not letting this disorder hinder my life anymore dammit! I am working my butt off going to school and working full time to provide a better life for my daughter. I know the key to being promoted is aggressiveness and to speak intelligently. I WILL DO THIS! I can write intelligently so the words are in my brain I just have to pull them out. I am going to think before I speak and speak more profesionally. Does anyone else feel this way?Does anybody else write real well but don't speak that well? I am going to tell myself I do not care what people think about me everyday until I believe it!
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11/17/2008 05:40 AM
MissMay1977

I have already been talking more aggressivly and with confidence. When someone ask me something like "Are you involed in such and such?" I answer " Yes, I am!" I need to practice speaking with confidence and avoid using yeah and all those stupid words. Does anyone else feel this way?

11/17/2008 06:18 AM
debiski
debiski  
Posts: 5493
VIP Member

MissMay, I can write very well but when it comes to speaking to people I get tongue tied. I lose track of the conversation, I forget words, and say stupid things sometimes.

This is why I recently wrote a letter to my pdoc about my history. I've been wanting to tell him for years but just couldn't. Now he'll know and maybe understand me better.


11/17/2008 06:20 AM
MissMay1977

I am so glad someone can relate to me.

11/17/2008 07:57 AM
apieceofwork

Would it help to take a speech class? I'm writing this without first researching what's available but I know Dale Carnage (sp) has seminars and I think there's a group called Toastmasters. Check the internet. If nothing else, I'm sure there are classes at your local community college. My dad had a real problem with public speaking. He became president of an organization and was nervous as hell to talk in front of a large group of people. He took the Dale Carnage course and it helped him tremendously. It will help to build confidence whether you are talking in front of a large group or even one on one! Look into it!

11/17/2008 04:47 PM
mamanordy

I am the same way. I am great with the written word and I can relate what I want to say so much better in writing. But when it comes to actually talking to ppl, I stutter and feel so embarrassed. I have no idea what is up with me. I didnt use to be like this. I used to be kind of outgoing and could look at ppl and talk. Now I shy away. I am getting to the point it is SOO hard to leave my house. I am making myself do it though, actually forcing myself.

Someday maybe I will be cured!


11/17/2008 07:19 PM
CherrieAngel
CherrieAngel  
Posts: 1268
Senior Member

OH lord I do the exact same thing!! Don't worry miss may you are definitely not alone!! That's why i'm on here all the time! I sound very smart and 'together' Smile In person....not so much, lol.

11/18/2008 12:06 AM
hipmama42
hipmama42  
Posts: 939
Senior Member

Yes to all of that! I write much more eloquently than I speak. I tend to become extremely self-conscious and afraid that I'll screw up and be humiliated by people laughing or judging me as a loser or a fool...someone who can't even speak without her voice going soft and quavering, someone who actually turns red with embarassment at the attention I receive when speaking to a group. But the worst fear is to go blank and lose my train of thought...then have a massive panic attack where my brain just freezes and I can't think of anything to say.

These are irrational fears, but it helps me to remember that I have gotten through these speeches and talks before, and usually my talks were well-received, and for the most part I was able to hide how nervous I was. I belong to a 12 step group where we give talks, which are called "leads" and tell our personal story to the group. So i have a lot of years of public speaking, but it is not my favorite thing to do. I do it when I have to..


11/18/2008 02:41 AM
sharone
sharone  
Posts: 3449
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

Missmay, if you are speaking up for yourself, you're not aggressive, you are assertive. More power to you! It's a very attractive quality for any person. You go, girl! I always gave myself positive talk until I finally pulled myself over the hump...then it kind of comes naturally! Sharone

11/18/2008 09:30 AM
hipmama42
hipmama42  
Posts: 939
Senior Member

I read somewhere that next to death, public speaking is the #1 fear that EVERYONE has, even those who don't have social anxiety in any other area of their lives. I don't believe that many people are naturally gifted at speaking in front of large groups, and those that are end up being politicians, DJ's and other jobs that put them in the limelight.

People who perform for a living still get the butterflies before going on stage, and some, like Barbra Streisand, have suffered from such stagefright in the past that they have refused to tour and do live concerts. If FAMOUS musicians suffer stage fright I don't think that I should beat myself up too badly over finding it difficult. Doing it over and over may help build confidence and make it easier over time, but it may never be comfortable for some people let alone "fun" to have to get up in front of a group and speak or perform. Also, I think its a skill that has to be kept up and requires constant practice. It's important to keep on trying and putting ourselves out there even though it is so difficult, because if we don't it becomes too easy to just sit at home and not talk to anyone except for online.

Another thing, I've found that I do better in social situations when I am well-rested, feel good physically, and taking good care of myself spiritually and emotionally. If I am stressed out about some personal crisis it probably isn't the best time to "challenge myself" in a public speaking situation.

This I know from experience.

Mamanordy, those of us with disabilities and health issues have a particularly hard challenge I believe, because we don't feel well a lot of the time, don't have much energy, always feel fatigued and not at our best. I know that I am always afraid that my "fibro fog" and side effects from my meds (sometimes hand tremors for instance) are making people think I am out of it or "on something", and draw the conclusion that I am a drug addict or mentally impaired. I become self-conscious about trying to appear "normal", competent, and in control. This makes the social anxiety even worse! So, if I am having a bad fibro day and I need extra meds that day, I am more likely to stay home and not engage with anyone unless I have to -- which is probably not a bad idea anyway, because with fibro stress makes everything worse.

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