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09/25/2008 05:27 AM

Being around ppl getting harder

mamanordy

I used to be an outgoing person and would talk to just about everyone. I did start out as a very shy young girl, until I was in junior high. I blossomed, as my mother would say. LOL

But during the last few years I have a hard time being around other ppl. I have a hard time making eye contact and having a real conversation. I am so glad when they leave. I would rather be home alone with my dogs or just around my immediate family. I do not socialize like I used to at all. I have other health issues but this one is really getting me down.

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09/25/2008 10:16 AM
sisters4life

Wow i'm so happy i'm not alone in feeling that way. These days it's like 2 people is the max i can be around at one time.

09/25/2008 09:11 PM
hipmama42
hipmama42  
Posts: 939
Senior Member

Well, I have gone through all kinds of different phases wth the social anxiety problem, and it seems to depend on how my life is going at the time and the amount of stress I am under, and the number of stressors.

If everything is chaotic and many things going wrong at once, or having to be dealt with until they improve or pass, esp. in the area of health, money and raising my kids, I simply don't have the emotional resilience to put myself out there in a large group for very long, and my general anxiety level makes it hard for me to socialize well and be outgoing and reaching out to people, or trying to make new friends. That takes a lot of time and effort and emotional risk.

Also...people get on my nerves bigtime when I am already struggling in my personal life...and I prefer to use my energy in a peaceful, healing, empowering place...at HOME with my cats and online support groups! It's draining to have to make small talk chit chat and i have no patience or energy for that right now.

I think that being around just two or three people at a time is okay. Some folks are not gregarious social butterflies, or maybe we just need some time to focus on ourselves and take care of our health.


09/26/2008 05:56 AM
mamanordy

Sherry, I know exactly what you mean! I feel as though I have no time for chit chat sometimes with ppl, I want to be home focusing on my family. I am not good at chit chat anymore either. I used to love to talk to my friends. I do not know what is wrong with me.

Now here on the forums, I feel more comfortable. I am better with the written word than speaking.


09/26/2008 06:16 AM
hipmama42
hipmama42  
Posts: 939
Senior Member

I am involved in only a couple of social activities involving groups lately, one is my AA home group that I have been a member of for years and know most of the people -- and if I don't feel like making a comment, I don't...I just listen, and the other is a very small quiet yoga group, usually no more than 3 or 4 in the class, and yoga is relaxing and we have calming music to do it to. If I can't do the poses because of pain in this particular group there is no pressure, I just modify it to what I am able to do.

Right now, that is all I can handle, and sometimes even this is a lot! Smile I think that post-traumatic stress of any kind, or any chronic illness makes it difficult for a long time afterwards to be outgoing and confident around lots of people. Our reserves are tapped out just getting through each day! But I don't want to completely lose the ability to socialize and I could easily become a hermit...and that is not good for me or my kids, so I force myself out there if I am physically up to it, a couple times a week.

I don't have trouble with shopping unless I am in a checkout line, at least not anxiety-wise, although my feet and legs start hurting and burning due to the fibro--and I have to write a check for the groceries and there is a long line of impatient people waiting behind me. That sends me into a panic attack and I get so nervous my hand shakes as I try to write the check. Brain freeze...I usually avoid this by shopping during off hours when not many people in the store, and using the self checkout. But if someone is behind me in the self checkout I tell them that I am slow and it will take awhile because I have a big cart of groceries...an usually they will move on to another line! Smile I hate being rushed and pressure put on me to hurry hurry hurry, esp. when there is money involved and someone is watching me!

Post edited by: hipmama42, at: 09/26/2008 06:20


09/26/2008 10:59 AM
mamanordy

Sherry, I get so nervous too when there is a long line of ppl behind me at the store, I dont know why I get like that. My hubby says they can wait their turn, calm down. I also hate it when there are cars behind us and I think that dh is driving too slow, I worry someone will beep at us and get mad. LOL

My dh had a friend over last night, talking computers. So I decided I would go to Kohls to see about getting some throw pillows. Once I got in the car, I almost just turned around because I had changed my mind and didnt think I wanted to go. But I made myself go. The store was practically empty so that was good. But I started in with my excessive sweating episode and got embarrased about that so I had to leave.


09/26/2008 08:52 PM
jollyjoe
jollyjoe  
Posts: 4119
VIP Member

I know all too well that hurried feeling in the store..I worry I take to long or ppl behind me are getting mad because I`m in their way...I have a problem with being around large groups ..But my mom talked me into going to church with her on Sunday..I still have anxiety but it is getting better every wk..Of course moms church has a real small congrigation..Thankfully..By the time I leave there I`m most definetly ready for a Klonopin..I try not to take them unless I have to..

09/27/2008 11:40 PM
hipmama42
hipmama42  
Posts: 939
Senior Member

At least in church there is a lot of opportunity to just be still and listen, then sing hymns or whatever, and not have to socialize the whole time you are there, plus, I think the service itself is rather calming. I think it is great that you keep going back and that it is getting easier every week.

I had a bad situation at the grocery store today. A guy was in the checkout line behind me in the self-checkout lane, and I had to pay for my groceries yet. Wouldn't you know that I had nothing but singles, and I had to insert about FIFTEEN of them into the slot, one at a time, to pay for my groceries. I told the man it was going to take awhile and he said he was in no hurry.....but I could not help feeling pressured and I was trying my best to stuff these singles into the slot as fast as I could, hands shaking a bit, and sometimes the bill would get spit out by the machine and I would have to try it again. Whew...what an ordeal! Next time I will be sure to have larger bills with me...also I was there at the busiest time, Sat aft. noon which I normally avoid. I did get through it though without collapsing and my son helped pack the groceries! Smile


09/28/2008 03:12 PM
jollyjoe
jollyjoe  
Posts: 4119
VIP Member

The Walmart center is where I have my worst attacks..I can`t breath in there ..I get so irrated that I get buggy rage..LOL..Ppl standing in front of the items you need just chatting away..YOu say excuse me and they turn a def ear to you..Boy that just addeds to my pressure..Then you get in line and the ppl behind you are huffen and a buffen and getting figity ..Some kid is throwing himself around because mom said no and the other kid running the buggy up the back side of you..By the time I leave there ..I`m ready to check my self in..LOL..

09/28/2008 05:45 PM
hipmama42
hipmama42  
Posts: 939
Senior Member

Do you know what is worse? BEING that mom with the kid throwing himself around and wailing in full tantrum mode, and your other kid running the buggy into customers in line! And everyone is glaring at you, you are having a major panic attack and still have to pay for your stuff yet! I would get so nervous at Wal Mart when my rambuctious boys were little ( I did not take them with me unless I had to, and at times could not get a sitter)that I would forget to pick up all of my sacks and put them in my cart. I would end up leaving one or two because I was so distressesd and desperate to get the heck out of there, then I would hear the clerk calling after me, "ma'am...ma'am--you forgot your packages!" Now it feels like everyone is watching me and my kids are still fighting, as I go back to the checkout counter to grab the bags of stuff I forgot. Oh those were the days.... NOT! Smile

I still find Wal Mart to be overstimulating at times and too bright and too much stuff and people everywhere. I try to go between 10 and 11 at night or early in the morning when there are not many customers. It is so much easier to shop and I don't get so anxious.

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