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03/31/2009 07:48 PM

Misunderstanding wife and Financial Issues

caliborn
Posts: 7
Member

Well I don't know if this is the right group I should be in but here is my issue. Before I got with my wife, I had a high 700 credit score. Well through overspending and not being able to pay all the credit card bills and a reposession life has been a ride. Before I got with my wife I typed up a monthly budget so I knew just how much money I could spend and what money went to what bills. Well I haven't done this in a long while which is kind of bad. Now with my job that requires a security clearance it is not good. My clearance was taken away but that is besides the point. I feel if I don't document my spending and find out where I can cut some spending, there will be an unending cycle to living paycheck to paycheck. Also I won't be able to pay my past bills. I try to talk to my wife who is about 3 years younger than me that we need to document this in a spreadsheet so that we know what our monthly budget is. Well she just gets "bitchy" and says that she has it handled. But I tell her that we need a paper-trail to keep track. I tell her that is how I was raised and she just gets crazy and starts going off on me telling me that her parents never made a budget. Then I go for the low-blow and bring up her parents bankruptcy. I tell her that my parents have never gone through bankruptcy, but they aren't the model citizens when it comes to money management, afterall my father is addicted to gambling, don't know how my mother puts up with it. I used to get pissed at my wife and just raise my voice and cuss at her but I learned that it doesn't get anything solved. I mean am I the only one that wants to make a monthly budget? How do I get her to understand where I am coming from? She just always goes off and says that she has to watch out daughter all day, cook, clean, wash clothes. I tell her fine don't do those things for me, I am a grown ass man.... I can cook, clean, and wash my own clothes.
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03/31/2009 07:58 PM
caliborn
Posts: 7
Member

Oh and did I mention that she brings up divorce whenever she feels she doesn't want to deal with things like this. It gets to me and sometimes I feel like throwing in the towel but I don't feel it is the right thing to do especially with our beautiful little 9 month old in the picture. I don't wanna leave that little girl, she is the world to me. I try to keep it in but it just starts to hurt on the inside and I feel like throwing things like today I through my cellphone during a talk with her over the house phone. I don't know if there is something wrong with me or if that is somewhat of a normal reactions. I am the type that would rather throw something material than go off physically on a person. Sometimes I wish I had a punching bag in my garage. I also find that listening to acoustic music calms me down.

03/31/2009 08:14 PM
Lonely4life

Cali, I am incredibly sympathetic to your plight. I have gone though similar issues, though not as intense. Have you considered couples counseling? Did she spend a lot and act this way while you were dating? Did you see this coming? The fact that (you say) she acts bitchy and brings up divorce is a sign she is not fully commited to working out problems. Someone mature enough to make a marriage work has to take responsibilty for themselves and make necessary adjustments to solve all the problems. this will not go away, it will get worse and you both will have issues. Try the best you can to work out the issues. KUDOS to you for wanting to stay for your daughters sake! a lot of men would run from an immature spend-a-lot.

Speaking from the other side, I know that when a woman spends a lot of money or is argumentative and has "it's never my fault" syndrome that may be a sign, a cry for attention or a hidden issue. Please at least try to get couple therapy. Good luck!


03/31/2009 08:28 PM
caliborn
Posts: 7
Member

See I agree with the couples therapy. I just know that my wife isn't open to things like that. See she is very closed off, she isn't open-minded like I am. I guess you can say I am a free-spirit. She is more set in her ways and I don't feel that she will go to couples counseling. But hey thanks for the advice on the subject. Well as far as seeing this coming, I guess you can say I was blind or am blind to things of that sort. Sometimes I ask myself am I wasting my time, have I been wasting my time? Sometimes I blame my parents for being super bible-thumpers. See I have this burnt in conception of what marriage is. This "til death do us part" syndrome going on, I even told my wife this. I kinda feel I screwed up, maybe I should've waited. I also feel that she has bipolarism or something like that. But she doesn't want to accept it and I feel that is the first sign similar to an alcoholic that is in denial.

Post edited by: caliborn, at: 03/31/2009 20:32

Post edited by: caliborn, at: 03/31/2009 20:33


08/18/2009 03:50 AM
ExyLexy
ExyLexy  
Posts: 1546
Senior Member

The only way you are going to handle this problem is through communication. If she wont communicate then you should consider a seperation. Yes you dont want conflict in front of you're little girl, of course not, but you are going to have to be happy. If you're miserable can you really go on living like this everyday?

Talk with you're loved one explain things you never know you might go in the right direction. If not consider the seperation card just for a couple days.

Lexis


08/18/2009 03:52 AM
ExyLexy
ExyLexy  
Posts: 1546
Senior Member

Remember though....

Running away from the problem (seperation) does not do anything, but it will give you a chance to think about the future and how to handle things in the longrun. I hope it works out and you and you're family are in my prayers!

Lexis


08/29/2009 11:56 AM
sjannettey
sjannettey  
Posts: 177
Member

caliborn

There is a book out called The Four Laws of Debt Free Prosperity that I highly recommend for you and your wife should sit down and read. This book will help the entire family to understand how important it is to keep a record of "all" your spending and it will teach you about money management. You can get it on Amazon.com at: http://www.amazon.com/Four-Laws-Debt-Prosperity-Financial/ dp/0965287408 or perhaps find it at a book store. Please! Have the entire family read it including children for it will teach them about handling money.


08/29/2009 11:58 AM
sjannettey
sjannettey  
Posts: 177
Member

See if she is at least willing to read the book.

09/16/2009 05:27 AM
ExyLexy
ExyLexy  
Posts: 1546
Senior Member

I agree.. See if she is willing to read the book. Make sure to let the family know that nothing, but positive will come out of it. Smile

Lexis


04/21/2012 10:49 AM
sbronczek
Posts: 1
New Member

I am new to this support group. I am in the same boat. My husband overspends and it drives me crazy. I can't tell you what to do, but if I new 13yrs ago what I know now about my husbands habits I would have never married him. Like you, documenting spending is extremely important to me. Not knowing where the money goes causes me extreme anxiety, and being alcholic this anxiety is a major source of my drinking, which never ends out good. It is my experience, you can not change a person. I went to rehab and was sober for 2yrs...nothing changed. Our lack of communication lead me back to the bottle. Hope you reply...interested in knowing if anything changed for you. You are all in my prayers.
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