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Sexual Abuse Community Sexual Abuse Support Forums Introductions & Personal Stories New to this--feeling lost and alone
 

New to this--feeling lost and alone


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05/16/2008 19:09
hannah08
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 Hello everyone,

I am new to this. I have no idea what I am doing so please bear with me. I was abused for about 5 years, starting when I was 8 by my cousin. (I am 30 now.) I just started therapy a few months ago and that is going very well. But I guess I feel like I can't talk to be people around me. I have a really hard time communicating my feelings, especially about this. I feel alone like I am not priority in anyone's life. My husband is trying but he has a hard time communicating as well. My best friend is being emotionally abused and so i feel guilty when I try to get to deep about my own drama so I try to just be supportive of her. I don't know what to do. I just need to know that someone cares about the things that are important to me and not have to feel like I have to hide my true feelings or always pretend that everything is ok. Am I making sense? Does this sound selfish?
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05/16/2008 21:29
bunny_fly
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 Hannah, you make perfect sense. We had a discussion about not feeling welcome to talk to others. It is common to feel this way. We were all made to keep this a secret for so long, that it just does not feel right to tell anyone. Once you do, it is a relief, at least for the imediate time being. There are a lot of mixed feeling that go along with dealing with this stuff. It does not make sense to others, but for those of us that have been there, it make perfect sense. Welcome to the group, i hope we all can be of help to you.

Brenda
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05/17/2008 02:14
hurtwithin

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 Nice to see you and welcome to the group. You are making perfect sense. First of all, sorry for the abuse that you endured and secondly, well done on the therapy and I am glad that it is going well for you. How you feel is perfectly normal. I can't talk to people around me either at the best of times but talking about the abuse to anyone is usually out of the question. This is the first place I have felt safe enough to talk about it and no one judges you here. We care about what you are going through and what is happening to you. I call it my own little family here and I have had so much support. I am sorry to hear about your friend as well. I know you feel guilty talking to her but sometimes hearing someone elses problems takes the attention away from our own and it helps in the immediate time. It sounds like you are really supporting each other and that's amazing. Husbands don't always understand or they want to take our pain away so find it hard to communicate but you are not selfish at all. If you need anything, just call on me. Happy to help.

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05/17/2008 02:54
hannah08
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 Wow! Thank you both so much. This feels really good. I have to go in to work early today and I know this is really going to help me have a better day. I guess I just get really frustrated when I want to share how I feel but then can't. I know it takes time but you all have given me hope...maybe I can get through this and maybe I am not alone! Thanks!
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05/17/2008 04:50
hurtwithin

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 You are not alone hun and glad we could help. I am glad that you will have a better day. Here for you

Gem x
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05/17/2008 10:54
glory
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 hannah, it is not always wrong to be selfish, especially when it comes to our own pain. You have every right to want and even demand consideration from others. You talk and worry about your friend, you try to explain your husband, but hannah where do you come into the picture? It is hannah's turn. Time for you to focus on you for a while. If others don't give you consideration than you must do it yourself. You count, hannah. You deserve the best and it's time you go and get it.

Gloria

glory
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05/17/2008 11:41
Lilibit58
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 You ladies are getting so good at this..we go for so long telling no one and this forum really opens it up to feel acceptance. I just love you all.

Hannah, welcome to the group. We are happy you have decided to join us. All of us here know the pain you have and the feelings about communicating it to others. They really don't understand though they might be sympathtic. I agree with Gem, sometimes it is easier to get into supporting someone else so that it takes the pressure off us to help oursleves. Hopefully you will find a balance between the two.

It's ok, be selfish. It took a long time before I relized I had the right to be selfish and ask for what I needed and wanted. I'm still not good at it, but I don't feel guilty about it anymore. And for pretending to be Ok....I do that one really good. Been doing it my whole life and I'm 49. It's not a good thing...mostly for you it's not good. I hope you can get a lot out of counseling and please know that you might have to do it in phases. Different issues come up over time, but eventually you do peel that nasty smelly onion

Again, I'm glad you are here.

Lori




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