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04/29/2008 09:41
hurtwithin

No you can't just shrug it off and it really hurts me that you have to put up with that from him. He should be at least trying to understand how you feel or if he can't do that, to be there for you when you need him. I can understand when a partner doesn't understand and doesn't know how to go forward to help but I don't understand when a partner just won't put themselves out or try and help someone who's suffering.
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04/29/2008 14:09
bunny_fly
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Maybe, it is not that he does not want to help, but instead there is something he doesnot want to deal with. By making light of your plight, Lori, he is able to continue being in denial of his own inner tormoil.

A lot of what I am facing at the present is with seeing what happened with my sister, and the rapes that happened when I was eight. He3 has some issues of his own from around that same age frame. He wants to desprately cling to the fact that he was acting consentually. By seeing how I was coerce into it, makes him re-evaluate his situation, and he doesn't want to do mthat, that would make him less a man(if he had not been a willing participant,and actually had not initated things).This is just one example, there xould be other things as well.

Brenda

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04/29/2008 16:22
Lilibit58
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I don't think he has any inner termoil, well nothing like this. He was the favorite child of the whole family, grandparents and all. The golden boy. His brother did take it out on him (jealosy) a little. I think part of it is me. I don't feel any closeness with him because he is too different from me. He isn't totally cold because he did help me with my anorexia in the beginning. Mostly taught me to do it in small steps, I choose to listen to him and was better. But dealing with someones emotions, we'll he just doesn't know what to do. So I try not to let on that I'm suffering. He does know now and in his defense he did say I can talk to him recently. He's older now, but I remember the past when he wasn't so understanding, or at least trying to be. I'm afraid if he says the wrong thing again I'll shut down again and I really want to get past this, if that's possible.


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04/29/2008 16:53
bunny_fly
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IF he says the wrong thing, it is just him not knowing what to say. If you wiat for your fears to alleviate themselves, you will never get over it. Only your fears hold you back. I know I repeat that phrase often, but I feel that it is soo true. There is a rwally good book on working through fears,it is not currently in print, but you can get a copy off amazon.com. It is called Radical Therapy, by Allen Roland. The premisis is that the entire universe is united through a field of love, and tapping into this field allows us to heal all wounds. I found that it was somewhat difficult to use on my own, so I found a copy for my therapist, she is computer illiterate, so we can use it durring our sessions. May be of some help. Made lots of sense to me.

Brenda

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