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Sexual Abuse Community Sexual Abuse Support Forums Introductions & Personal Stories Finally decided to join
 

Finally decided to join


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04/27/2008 01:40
hurtwithin

Thanks Bunny, that means alot and I know what you mean. I am much better offloading on here than face to face. I can say more. I am struggling a bit now that I've decided to talk about it and get help with it. I'm certainly self harming more. Sometimes it feels like I have no control and I hate that. I'm glad I made the decision though. I want to move on from what happened.

Also here to lend an ear anytime
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04/27/2008 07:37
bunny_fly
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 Sometimes the hardest part is just getting started. There will be swomething on my mind, and of course I cann't talk to my husband about it,and the few friends I have around here it is not brought up to. Where I live, abuse is a taboo subject. Even when I log on here, i tend to clam up, but once I start typing, it pours out. As I have posted, it has only been in the past year or two that I have felt comfortable enough to talk about it. I just wish it was esier to explian to others.

Brenda
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04/27/2008 07:43
hurtwithin

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 I know what you mean Brenda. I can't talk to my other half about the abuse either. He wants me to talk to him and I know he'll listen but I just don't know where to start or how to get the words out. I completely relate to you about clamming up. If anyone asks me if I've been abused, I just clam up or change the subject. I feel ashamed talking about it. I'm glad that you can offload and talk about what happened to you on here. I'm starting to do that as well. I have had such compassion and understanding on here that I feel safe to do it now. Have you thought about counselling? I have asked my GP to refer me. I am nervous about it but I know that I want to move on with my life as well. It can't be easy not having anyone to talk to. I feel for you. I am here if you ever want to chat. No pressure.

Gemma
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04/27/2008 16:19
Lilibit58
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 Gemma, I hope you can talk to him when you are ready. Finding someone who will be supportive about this is not easy. I couldn't tell my husband at first for the usual reasons but when all that stuff was in the papers and on talk shows about molestation I just couldn't handle it. I blurted it out one day and his response was an angry "Oh, now I have to suffer for it." I will never tell him anything again. He just doesn't know how to be supportive without thinking of himself. You are lucky to have someone who will.
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04/27/2008 17:59
bunny_fly
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 Lori, I get you there, however I tend to believe that that is just a defensive response. Knowing that he has been suffering with the after affects, and now has a reason for what he is going through, he thinks it is unfair that he has to pay for what someone else has done. Which it really is not fair, but was it fair that we suffered the abuse to begin with? He did marry you didn't he? You had these issues before you blurted it out? Does the fact that he now knows that there is a reason you do some of the things you do change how he feels toward you? I will never give up on trying to get him to understand. I love him to much for him not to understand that it is not about him.

Gemma, it gets easier as time goes on. I am at the point that I am tired of keeping things a secret. I really need to get over the fear of talking face to face about it. I still cannot look at my therapist when talking about it. It is just to difficult to see a foce there. One day I will be able to, for now I freak at the compasion I see.

Brenda
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04/28/2008 02:25
hurtwithin

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 I am so sorry that you got such a hurtful response from your husband. That must have been really hard to deal with not to mention painful. All those feelings come rushing back again about not being believed and feeling isolated and alone when someone reacts like that. Yes, you are right. I have a very supportive partner and I count my lucky stars. Brenda, like you, I hate keeping things secret and I'm tired of keeping what happened to me to myself. I have decided to tell my partner tonight after work. I think that that will be a real turning point for me. I agree with Brenda, don't give up on getting your husband to understand. He married you through thick and thin and he owes it to you to at least listen when you need to talk. Maybe you could talk to him with a third party involved to make it easier and less painful for you.

Thanks for all your support and I will let you know how I get on. I'm here for you anytime you need to chat.

Gemma
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04/28/2008 02:27
hurtwithin

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 I have just read my post and I realise that I might have come across really harsh. I am so sorry if I did, forgive me. I am here for you and I feel for you alot

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04/28/2008 09:19
Lilibit58
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 You haven't been harsh at all. I understand what you both mean. I was very good at hiding it in the beginning, he would have had no clue. It was when the flashbacks started again (which was first at 15), but then again at 24 that made me tell him. Yes, he was being defensive, and I did understand that it must be hard to feel he got stuck with damaged goods ( I know your not supposed to think that way, but I did) since he didn't know. No he doesn't treat me differently now. He did in the beginning. Which is when I fell out of love with him, it just never came back. So I don't have that piece. Not sure if I'm just numbing again or not. So I hope therapy this time will sort it out. And no one in the family knows. He has read things I've written too - I left one of these pages open and he admitting to reading it. Made me feel rather betrayed, but I got past that. He's been ok with my participating here.

Thanks girls, I appreciate the support.
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04/28/2008 10:35
hurtwithin

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 Anytime. I'm upset that you've been treated so badly by your husband though. He has no right to read what's so personal to you. I can understand that you feel betrayed. I might have found a nice man now but my ex partner was a horrible and violent bully so I can relate to what you're going through. I can relate to him always reading what I wrote and saying horrible and hurtful things when I really needed him. I'm sure therapy will help you. Just try and make full use of it. You are bound to feel like damaged goods if you don't get the love and support that you need or you're being put down. Just remember that there are alot of people who care about you here including me and I will help you in any way that I can.

Hugs

Gemma
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04/28/2008 14:01
bunny_fly
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 In an odd way, I wish that my husband would read what I write here or on one of the other forums I am on. Maybe then he would have some sort of idea what I am going through. I do understand your feeling of betrayal, though Lori. I have made it clear to him that he is welcome to read, or even join any of the forums I am on. I even have the computer set up to automatically log me on in case he would like to. If he took the time to read my post, he could not butt in in the middle. He however thinks this is my santuary, and therefore will not intrude.

Brenda
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