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hurtwithin
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I have finally plucked up the courage to join since I've been on the site. A bit worried though because I have never challenged what happened to me. I was abused as a child from the age of 4 until 12 by my grandfather. He has died now and I have just blocked out what happened to me but I have suffered all sorts of problems as a result of the abuse. |
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DoDo
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I am glad that you joined. I know what you mean, I blocked out my abuse for the longest time...as long as I could, but, it came flooding back to me, and left me no choice but to deal with it. Even though I have dealt with it all....it still seems to cause me all sorts of problems....guess we never really get past it. I do hope that you can resolve some things inside of you.....and, above all else, we have to acknowledge what that child inside went through. I know my inner child is still healing, and will for the rest of my life. Some days I even feel guilty, because I should have protected her, since there was no one else to.......but, I didn't know...and I believed that parents can't, won't, do anything to hurt their children. I sincerely hope that you work through it and finally let that child begin to heal. Your friend, Lorna |
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Lilibit58
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Welcome to the group. For me the most comforting thing has been to know that others have gone through the same thing and reacted the same way. It was normal to survive and bury the memory only for it to come back out when you feel safe. It is so hard to heal but if you don't face it it will effect you forever. We are more than happy to write to you and support you the best we can, but professional counseling is usually needed at least for short periods. Lori
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mommyofsixFriend2U
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WELCOME HURTWITHIN!!!! I'm so glad that you decided to join. It is a hard decision and takes courage to heal the wounds of the past. I think that most of us block out those memories and have them come out later in life. I know mine did! I thought I had dealt with it and gotten over it. When I went to treatment for my addictions, It showed up in nightmares and flashbacks. It has been a long journey but one that was needed. I have been in therapy and attend an abuse survivor group near my home. They have helped me so much. Now this group here is my other means of support. I don't know what I'd do withot them. They are some of my closest friends.  I agree that therapy of some kind, with a professional, is needed to deal with bringing this out and dealing with it. I hope you find some comfort in knowing that you're not alone and we care!! Your Friend, Chris Your Friend, Chris |
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hurtwithin
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Thank you so much. I am sorry that I didn't get back to you last night, I had a bad one and decided to get an early night. I am glad I joined now and knew I would get this support here. I was just afraid to make that first move but you are right Lorna, it has decided to rear it's ugly head again and I know I have to deal with it now if not for me but for my children's sake. Lorna, I am so glad that you are healing and I know exactly what you mean about guilt. That must be the worst thing for me. He used to say that I turned him on and made him do it and I believed it but I know now that what he did was wrong and that no child deserves to be treated like that. It's harder now that I've had children of my own. I will NEVER let anyone hurt them. Thank you Lorna for your kind words. They helped alot. Thank you as well Lori for the warm welcome and yes, I am going to talk to my psychiatrist about long term counselling. I am ready to deal with this now. I don't want it to affect my life anymore. I thought it would all end when my grandfather died but it's worse! Thank you Chris for the warm welcome as well. This site has been amazing and like you, I don't know what I would have done without it. Well done as well for the achievements you made and I am glad that you have a group near your home. That must be helping you massively. Thanks again everyone for making me feel so welcome |
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Lilibit58
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I hope that you have read in these pages that when the person dies is is gone the child within you can come out of hiding. Along with her come the fears, so it's very normal to have this come out now. Plus we've had conversations about triggers and for most of us when our children got to be the age we were we had a hard time. I'm really glad that you have help because to do it alone is hard. If you need to lean on us, we'll hold your hand. (virtually) Mommy, it's great that you have a support group there at home. I live by a major city and I've never found anything like that here. |
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hurtwithin
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Thanks again Lori. I am scared, excited, emotional and anxious all at the same time knowing that it's finally time to deal with what's happened to me and I'm so grateful to have you all here for me as well. You're right, it has only surfaced since he's died but I've managed to push it down up until now. My kids need a strong mum and I'm determined to beat this. Thanks again.
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mommyofsixFriend2U
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Hi hurtwithin, No I'm not following you, we're just in the same groups!LOL I know that when my daughter turned certain ages, I would have a difficult time. It was a big trigger for me. I went "nuts" for awhile in my self-destruction and addictions when I turned 11 years old. I had gotten pregnant when I was 11 and forced to abort the baby. I had a very hard time forgiving myself for that. It was the worst thing I ever went through. I still get emotional thinking about it. I don't know how old your children are but they may trigger feelings in you that you don't even realize. There are so many things that can trigger feelings from the abuse. It is so crazy that the abuse can be buried for so long and then just show up out of the blue. I guess it happens when we feel safe and ready to deal with it. My healing has been done in several little steps and taken it sweet time. I'm glad that it didn't all come out at once, it would have been too much to handle. I'm so glad that you're getting help! We are here for you! Your Friend, Chris Your Friend, Chris |
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hurtwithin
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Hey Chris, I know you're not following me lol. I wouldn't mind if you were. Yes, we are in alot of the same groups. Thank you so much for sharing what is so painful for you with me. I have to agree that when my daughter was born 9 years ago, that triggered alot of emotion and fear for me. I was terrified that someone would hurt her. I was even afraid to leave her alone with her father. I used to watch them like a hawk. I can't imagine the pain you felt getting pregnant at such a young age. I can imagine that it would still be extremely painful for you now. Losing a child in any way is painful. I feel for you hun, I really do. When I had my boys, I didn't feel half as scared as when I had my daughter. I know what you mean about the abuse resurfacing. I thought I had buried it a long time ago but for me, I think the initial trigger was when my abuser died 2 years ago. I've struggled alot since then. I am glad that you have had some healing from what happened to you. I don't think we ever fully get over it but we can start to live life again. Are you still getting help with your abuse? Are there still people you can turn to? Here for you too Chris, anytime and thanks again. Gemma |
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bunny_fly
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It sounds like you have a lot going on at the moment, glad tosee that you have made the decission to move on. We move on by going back and reliving those horrid events, in order to get a better understanding of what is causing the current problem(s), thus being able to make nessacarry changes. AS Chris and Lori have both said, we are here. We may not be able to talk face to face, but that is not always a bad thing. I know I am able to say a lot of things here, that I may not if there was a live person that I was talking to. If you ever need an ear, or shoulder, give us a call. |
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