ladycarter
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Honestly, I probably can fit into many of the support groups here, This one is one of the hardest for me, to talk about thou!, I am and have been a Shame Based, Person, b/c of alot of Sexual Abuse, in my life, Including Incest, multiple rapes, gang rapes, even beat and left in a ditch once. I also work a 12 step program to the best of my ability, with having Lupus, and have worked partly thru the "Courage to Heal" workbook, have had therapy on and off for years, Im on my 4th marriage, Trust, and Intimacy are still huge Issues, for me and probably always will be, I can't say I have forgiven all the abusers, but the big ones, I believe I have., That of course doesn't mean that It still does not Hurt and Anger me still!, It just means, I have looked through my abusers eyes in therapy, and know that this was a very sick person, and more than likely were abused themselves, they were doing what they were taught, what they knew. This in No Way excuses what they did to me, But I cannot continue to give these sick people power over my life, I am going to have as happy a life as I can, and yes of course the memories still haunt me at times, but I am not a victim today, I know that God will handle these people, and that he was with me thru all of it, and In my eyes they abused God too!, And they will pay for their sins, as we all will, I know I want to be forgiven, for mine, and so I've had to learn to fogive them for theirs! These people will neve know true happiness, in life, and I feel sorry for them, today! Because, Thru it all I can still Love! I know these people cannot! I will continue to grow in my walk with the God of my understanding, In this Area of My life, I know I may never have a completely healthy relationship, but the more work I do on me,The better I get! Hugs, and Love to you all!!!!! Tish Post edited by: ladycarter, at: 03/03/2008 02:37 |
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