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03/14/2009 03:13 PM

Worried and Proud

Cee
Posts: 34
Member

First, let me say that I am proud to have found your group and proud of all of you. Thank you for letting me become one of you at least in spirit. Second, I need some help.

My daughter has a friend that was raped about a month and half ago when she went with a friend to her boyfriends house. She did not report it. She told my daughter about it and my daughter cried with her, let her know that they would always be sisters no matter what eventhough she knew it was wrong that she did not report it. She said that she felt it was her fault, my daughter told her oh hell no it was not her fault she can stop that thought right now. It was his fault and his alone she did not do anything. Now here is the kicker that really has my heart hurting this same young lady told another so called friend who my daughter told her that this girl was not and never has been her friend that she had been raped; this witch took her to a friend's house and told her that she could not leave until she had sex with one of friends. She kept telling the witch that she did not want to have sex with him the witch said well you are not getting out of here. So, tell me is that rape a second time by him and the witch? When she called my daughter crying the next day and told her what had happened, I was sooo mad and hurt for her. These are girls she went to high school with. My daughter is the only one she can trust. To top it off the witch has the nerve to call her and my daughter told her she had better not answer the phone. My kid told her she should have called the police on them all and put them in jail. I said that she is correct. I feel the same way. Can you guys give me some help on how we can continue to help her? She is laughing on the outside but I know it is killing her on the inside. She needs counseling but I don't think she will do it. She has a baby thats almost a year old and she thinks she maybe pregnant again from one of the rapes along with a couple of std's. Please forgive the long post.

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03/14/2009 03:37 PM
princess421
pirateprincess421  
Posts: 31179
VIP Member

Somehow as a friend, you need to convince this girl to go to the authorities. They will help with a rape kit as well as work with the STD's. Whether or not she presses charges is up to her, but the proper people need to know. They will be able to set her up with some therapy and help her through this bad time. As a trusted adult maybe you can help steer her in the right direction.

03/14/2009 03:46 PM
1magicman
1magicman  
Posts: 3370
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

It is not too late to call police and report this. Yes these people belong behind bars. Therapy is the only way she and understand and cope with of what has happend. Don't do what i did and wait. Justice for me was never served. But through my therapy i learned to cope with it. And im doing well. Im so sorry this happend to your daughter. my heart goes out to her and you.

Scott


03/14/2009 04:04 PM
Cee
Posts: 34
Member

It has been well over a month since this has happened. Isn't all evidence gone by now? She thinks the second time is her fault because she just gave in and did it so she could go home. It is not her fault. She will only talk to my daughter about it and she wants to kill the witch and I am being nice in calling her that. She knows that we don't think she is a whore and that we love her. She knows that I think of her as my daughter as well and will help her anyway I can. I always tell my daughter to tell her to go to the police and at least report what happened and see what they can do but she refuses. My heart just breaks for her. Thanks for replying so promptly Princess and Scott.

Cee


03/14/2009 07:29 PM
Happy2beme
Happy2beme  
Posts: 15
Member

Hi, i read your post and it is ok that it was long. I just wanted to say that she is talking to your daughter about it, but she needs to talk to a counseler ir someone for help. I know that she may be scared to tell the athorities or get some other help. But if she does do either one it will help her and she could trust them too they would not hurt her. As for her friends i believe that they had no right to do it a second time, that with it happening more than once to a person it will be bothering them their whole life and they won't let anyone close to them. I hope that she can get some more help and that she continues talking to your daughter too, i can see how close they are and that is the first thing to do is tell someone you trust about what happened.

Sarah


03/14/2009 07:42 PM
Cee
Posts: 34
Member

Hello Sarah, My daughter is the first person she told because they consider themselves to be sisters. My daughter is encouraging her to seek therapy and she told her that she will go with her if that is what she needs. At this time she will not go to the police. So we are there just to support and love her. We pray and keep her head up and let her know she is the most important to us and nothing else matters.

03/15/2009 02:57 AM
Nanc
Nanc  
Posts: 120
Member

Hello Cee, The post was not too long. Your daughter is truely special and is doing right by encouraging her to see a therapist. She really needs to see a doctor and be checked for std's. She does need to report both accounts but I understand her. Keep telling her it is not her fault neither time. Keep saying we love you. She needs to hear this often. She needs to know you believe her, and will support her.

Has she talked to her mother? Does she have a good support system at home?


03/15/2009 11:07 AM
Cee
Posts: 34
Member

Hello Nanc, no she has not told her mom. She and her mom get along better now than they use to and I think she is afraid to rock the boat. We told her to please talk to her mom and she is thinking about it. I am afraid that she is keeping too much bottled up inside and it is going to explode out of her at the wrong time. We are just going to keep supporting her and helping her as much as we can.

Thanks Nanc

Cee


03/17/2009 11:19 AM
bunnyfly
HiddenButterfly  
Posts: 4909
Group Leader
I'm an Advocate

I agree that she does need to be tested . Not only for the STDs, but for pregnancy. If she thinks she could be pregnant, then she needs to be tested to be sure. If she is, then she needs top know whether or not she has any STDs, as it could make a difference to the child. Let her know that talking to the authorities or a professionaldoes not mean that charges, or court proceeding have to occur, it just means that it happened and that she wants to do whatever needs to be done to overcome it and move on with her life.

Talking to strangers about rape is not an easy thing to do. However, the earlier one does start talking, the easier it is to overcome. In the end, just keep encouraging and supporting her.

Brenda


03/19/2009 09:32 AM
Lilibit58
Lilibit58  
Posts: 1556
Senior Member

If she talks to a school counselor they will be responsible to report it. The only way to make some dent in this not happening to other is to report it. I realize that going through with the entire trial is a very difficult thing and personally would not recommend anyone to do it unless they have the strength to endure it, but you can report and not have a trial. The report makes a written record for 1) the future if you do want to go ahead with a trial and 2) incase he does again.

I agree here all you a can do as an individual is to support her and believe her. There is professional help out there but she has to want it, and until she "feels" safe she isn't going to talk. The unconditional support you and your daughter give her will be helpful for now - your kind to be there for her. You wouldn't believe how many would not do what you have done. If you can, gently push her in the right direction. If she balks then back off. Healing from this has to be on her own terms but we all need a little push sometimes.

Lori

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