Sexual Abuse Support Group

hey everyone! my name is jordan and i'm new to this group. i have two beautiful children, a baby boy born Aug. 7th and an almost 2 year old little girl.

i decided to join because i've been having a lot of memories coming back to me about me past. lots of nightmares. and i'm not sure how to deal with them. i have a kind of screwed up story. i've been sexually abused numerous times throughout my 20 years of life. the first time was by my uncle when i was 7. the abuse continued from him for 3 years. he locked me in a closet for a weekend once. and took pictures of me and my younger cousin. i told on him but wasn't believed and was called a liar. my aunt actually slapped me in the face. to this day i still have to deal with seeing him at family functions. about a year later a friends uncle assaulted me at a slumber party my friend was having. i decided not to tell anyone in fear of being yelled at and no one would have listened anyway. then in 2003 i got with my current fiance. he was 20 at the time and didn't drink but come his 21st birthday he decided to start drinking every once and a while. well, every once and a while became all the time. he definitly had a real problem. he had assaulted me several times and i would always hear an apology in the morning... either that or he wouldn't remember doing it. i know what your asking yourselves... "why the hell is he her fiance then?!?!" well i can answer that. after getting arrested for burglary he quit drinking. shortly after that he was arrested for a charge from KY in 2001. he went to prison for 14 months. when he was released he was a completely different man and he remains to be that way to this day. he's been out for one year and is completely sober. he really has changed a bunch.

but anyway, during the time that he was in prison i was staying the night at a close friends house, who happened to be a guy, and he assaulted me. he was my best friend. we had known eachother for 6 years at that point. and he assaulted me while i pretended to be asleep in fear that he would hurt me. i had my then 3 month old daughter sleeping in my arms. after that i did not speak to him for a long time.

then at a party my cousin was having, i had passed out on the floor and woke up to two men. they were all over me and i was so drunk i couldn't move.

i don't know how to deal with all the emotions. i've been diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder and bipolar 1. it's very hard to even get out of bed sometimes but i have to. my kids need me and i don't want to miss anything. i love them so much. they are the reason i keep going.

but yes, this is my story. thanks for reading.

Lucille, I can totally relate. I too have PTSD due to many sexual traumas growing up. Also wasn't believed, actually told I was bad, because I had sex before marriage! Against the church belief. Here is a good place to be. There is also a sexual abuse forum that is helpful too. Good luck dealing with all the stuff, it does get better, just takes a lot of time and therapy. MEDS too!

You gotta get in therapy, like yesterday! Don't be afraid of it, it will help. And stay away from the people that abused you, no matter what the cost. That's just my opinion, I'm no expert, but just hearing your story makes me sick- how can humans treat each other that way?

Jordan..I am so sorry your life has been filled with such turmoil. I agree that you need therapy. It will help you learn to make sense of everything. I was sexually abused for 5 years by 2 of my cousins and I never told anyone. I understand how difficult it can be to never feel safe and feel like you have no where to turn. I have a 2 and 1/2 year old son and I am in therapy right now so I can be a better mom for him so I understand how deep your commitment is to your children. But you need to heal from this for them but MOSTLY FOR YOU! You deserve to be free from the pain those traumas have caused you. PM me anytime.

hannah

Jordan,

Welcome to the group. I am so sorry all this has happened to you and that the people who should have protected you didn't. But I'm so glad you had the strength to write it all out and tell us. Part of the healing comes from telling your story over and over to supportive people. I agree and know that therapy is necessary to sort it all out and help you past it. I hope you can find some professional help as when you have as much trauma as you do (I do too), it's nearly impossible to heal on your own. Really we end up prolonging our own suffering when we try to do it alone. I took me a long time to learn that.

If all of this is coming out just now it can be the pregnancy that triggered it. We want to protect our children from what happened to us and having them makes us remember. For me I got into some workshops and read books on parenting to help me be a better parent to mine as I didn't really know what a good parent looks like.

Again, welcome. You can PM me anytime as well. We are here to help each other.

Lori