Sexual Abuse Support Group

Okay first I'd like to say thanks to everyone who has been replying to my discussions. I can't always reply back because my keyboard doesn't always work. So I'm sorry about that. Anyway I had told my boyfriend in the past that I was sexually abused as a child but I didn't actually tell him the details till last night. He was angry not at me but at my Dad. He wouldn't talk he wouldn't smile anything so I just started crying and he held me and I just kept saying I'm sorry over and over again. The point is I feel worse now that I told him I just feel like I put this burden on him that he didn't need. I thought telling it would make it easier.

Hi EmmyKay

First of all you have nothing to be sorry for.I know you feel like crap for laying this on him but don't be sorry. If he is the right guy for you he has to be strong enough to deal with you and all your pain. Before things got too serious with my now husband I had to tell him everything I could. It was hard and I was afraid he would look at me like the rotten person I saw myself as but the more I told the easier it got and he really was empathetic and started to understand my fears and reactions. It was hard for him too and you have to remember that if your boyfriend loves you he is picturing these things that happened to you and he is as helpless as you were. He can't save you or fight for you, he can't stop your pain. Let him know you just need him to listen and hold you when you cry so that you can get past your fears and live a happier life. Let him know that you just need him to be strong for you because you have been shouldering this burden and it's good to feel safe enough to let it roll off for a while.

My husband was only 22 (I was 24)when we started dating and some of my friends said we wouldn't make it because I was so messed up and he was so young and he wouldn't be able to handle it but now he is 31 and we are very happy. He has helped me work through a lot. He doesn't always get it and he says things that really piss me off sometimes but I have to remember he's never been there. I also have to pay attention to when I'm overloading him because he needs a break too. One of the reasons I joined this group was to have someone besides him and my best friend to talk to. Sometimes it's easy to get so wrapped up in your pain or memories it's hard to remember that your support system has a life and there own problems. This group has been really great. The people have been where you are and can truly relate to what you are feeling, they always have advice or are just willing to let you vent. I hope you find the support you need here and the happiness you deserve in your life.

Sunny

I agree with the above post.

People have told me that I will always be too effed-up to ever have a good relationship and that I will attract only s*x perverts.

But my bf is strong and keeps telling me over and over again how much he loves me and that he is "there for me". It is possible to find love even when you're messed up and it isn't always your fault if they can't handle it.

Billi

I had to unload everything that happened to me on my husband who, like myself, thought I was going crazy. I was at a point in my life that I wanted to end my life and knew that if I didn't get help that I would no longer be around. In counseling, my therapist kept insisting that I get my mother in to validate everything that I had always tried to tell when I was young. She refused. My therapist then stated that I needed someone to come in to validate who could help me when the triggers came that made me go back to that time without any thought to the present. My husband agreed and the hardest thing I ever did was to spill all the sordid details of everything that happened to me during the abuse.

Instead of being angry at me or looking at me like I was dirt, he turned to the therapist and said he finally understood why I did what I did and said what I said because before, he thought I was going crazy just like I did. Amazing. We had always had many differences in our marriage and him supporting me on my journey through that dark tunnel gave us a common ground and I learned how much he really did love me. I owe him my life.

Gravenstein