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08/15/2009 02:38 AM

My story

littlegirllost
littlegirllost  
Posts: 83
Member

Hi ya'll,

I'm new to MDJunction, my therapist recently recommended it to me. I found this group yesterday and have been reading thru some of the posts. My heart goes out to every one of you yet I'm relieved that I feel like I fit right in with what ya'll are dealing with.

I am a survivor of incest from both of my 'birth parents'. They are my real parents but don't deserve to be called anything other... I confronted my bm (birth mother) back in the late 90's and she didn't believe me even tho my bf (birth father) had done this to 2 of his siblings when he was old enough to know better & they were around 5 yrs old not to mention both sides of my extended family have a 3 year generation of incest. From then on I believed her but something in my heart was always trying to tell me otherwise. I have always felt like I was different in some way, like I was wearing some sort of scarlett letter on my forehead. Up until 2007 I had been in and out of therapy but never fully committed to healing or facing the incest for that matter. I feared if I did, I would literally go crazy. Then my life did an about face in Jan 07 when I was getting ready to sell my home and came across a box of pic's of me as a little girl and couldn't identify myself in any of those pic's. I felt so lost. Was like going thru someone else's things. A month later I had a DVT/PE and was hospitalized and as soon as I got out of the hospital (my birth parents never called me or reached out when I was in the hospital) I began therapy immediately. It has been 2 1/2 long years and I realize I'm on the 20 year therapy plan. I'm alright with that. Recently I hired a lawyer to sue them in civil court because I want to be heard and they aren't listening, they never have. Guess I'm super duper stubborn. Regardless, this beast I'm fighting is taking a toll on my life. Recently married, borderline alcoholic, PTSD, insomnia, Diss Amnesia Disorder, some OCD, you name it. Enough about me for now, I look forward to sharing stories and hopefully helping others along my journey.

LGL

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08/15/2009 06:39 AM
Gravenstein
GravensteinPosts: 162
Member

Hi LittleGirlLost,

I just want you to know that I am here to help others as well. I have traveled through a very long and dark tunnel to get to where I am today and I am very okay with me now. There was a time when I felt on pins and needles all the time and got so depressed that I would sob for hours for no reason and I just wanted to drive away and never look back. I wanted to die. For me all the memories were there but they were buried in my sub-conscious so I knew something was coming to the surface and I was terrified because I just couldn't face it. Then I was forced to face it all because my seven year old was talking suicide. I got him into therapy and no sooner did that happen and the focus turned to me. It was through some major therapy with just the right therapist that helped me through that long dark tunnel. I now stand on the other end of it looking back at my all my siblings and my parents because I tried and tried to tell as a child and nobody believed me.

Please know that you are not alone and that going through this will make you a much stronger and healthier person. I am who I am because of what I experienced and I can now say that I am okay with that. I am strong and I am really wanting to help others who may be where I was, thinking they are crazy or they can't overcome. You can...with lots of determination and the love of yourself.

Welcome,

Gravenstein


08/15/2009 08:19 AM
1magicman
1magicman  
Posts: 3429
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

Hello LittleGirlLost. Wecome to the group. It sadens me to think the birth parent of there own children do that sort of thing im so very sorry. There is no need to feel lost here because you are now found. I and we are here for you. Welcome.

Scott


08/15/2009 11:32 AM
Lilibit58
Lilibit58  
Posts: 1556
Senior Member

Welcome, Littlegirllost. Appropriate name for many of us. I'm sorry your birth parents were like that and that they cannot see the pain they have caused you. I hope you know it is their problem, you have every right to feel the way you do from their abuse and to be able to heal from it. I wish you luck on your road to healing and hope you can stick with the therapy that long.

Lori


08/15/2009 11:33 AM
ConcreteGirl
ConcreteGirl  
Posts: 235
Member

I know what you mean about feeling like a scarlett letter is on your forehead. I feel like that alot. Thank you for being so brave and sharing your story. I admire you for taking this to court. I'm in the middle of trying to take one of my childhood abusers to court, and it's tough. Hang in there! Welcome to the group!

Post edited by: ConcreteGirl, at: 08/15/2009 11:34 AM


08/15/2009 08:33 PM
littlegirllost
littlegirllost  
Posts: 83
Member

Hi Concrete Girl,

Wow, I'm so relieved to hear someone else knows what this feels like and I'm also happy to hear you are taking your situation for court. This isn't the outcome I predicted but I have tried EVERYTHING in my power and they just want to sweep it under the rug. Well I could go on and on but have to try to get some sleep. Thank you for sharing about your life and where you are. Dealing with this trauma is one thing, stepping to the plate and taking it to court is another. I admire your strength and courage. Stay strong.

LGL


08/16/2009 11:10 AM
littlegirllost
littlegirllost  
Posts: 83
Member

Thanks Scott. At first I was extremely apprehensive to do an online support group but I'm definitely finding and feeling like I fit right in. Thank you for the warm welcome. Smile
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