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07/23/2012 05:48 PM
ffltat
ffltatPosts: 149
Member

I sit here at work trying so hard to work on this months salesman commissions. I have to pay attention to what I am doing. But I can't...My heart is racing and I am breathing fast..my stomich is tied in a knot...I want to run...I want to cry...

I can feel the whispers on my skin where he hit me....I can feel the pressure on my wrists where she held me down....

I want to run....I want to cry

It won't go away.....It never goes away

but I have to sit here and hold it together

I have to keep working

Fight For Life Today And Tomorrow
Reply

07/24/2012 01:27 PM  Top
leigha83
leigha83
 
Posts: 969
Senior Member
I'm an Advocate

I know the feeling. Is it possible for you to just "go to the bathroom" and have a good cry or possibly journal on your lunch hour. It's not an ultimate cure but it will help some. Just know it was not your fault. One day at a time sweetie.
"You miss 100% of the shots you don't take!"- Wayne Gretzky

I am not a doctor and any opinions expressed are just that, opinions. Please seek medical attention for accurate diagnosis :)

Previous discussions I participated in:
Irritable
Not sure what to think
sad

07/25/2012 05:51 PM  Top
ffltat
ffltatPosts: 149
Member

Thank you for answering me. Every time I have one it sends me into a downward spiral. The depression yesterday was really bad, but it is getting better today.
Fight For Life Today And Tomorrow

07/26/2012 06:05 PM  Top
leigha83
leigha83
 
Posts: 969
Senior Member
I'm an Advocate

I know that feeling all too well. I had massive flashbacks at work today and then got really depressed. It can be a royal pain in the ass. I just keep telling myself "one more hour, one more hour" until the day is done. Sometimes, if it's really bad I go for a walk outside on my break. Helps to clear the head some.
"You miss 100% of the shots you don't take!"- Wayne Gretzky

I am not a doctor and any opinions expressed are just that, opinions. Please seek medical attention for accurate diagnosis :)

Previous discussions I participated in:
Irritable
Not sure what to think
sad

07/26/2012 07:07 PM  Top
1magicman
1magicman
 
Posts: 3215
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

You Go GirlSmile Smile Smile Smile

Previous discussions I participated in:
cute quetio to answer?
Irritable
what's ptsd like?

07/26/2012 09:51 PM  Top
ffltat
ffltatPosts: 149
Member

Went to see my tdoc tonight. All that we talked about was the flashback. He wants me to come in for extra sessions next week. Everytime this happens I tell myself that I should start trying to deal with the rape. But then as the flashback fades I stop talking. I just really do not want to deal with all of the emotions suronding it. for that matter I do not want to deal with the fact that I was Raped.

tdoc brings up a good point I feel so helpless at work...I am powerless to effect anything the company is doing....that helpless feeling is what is triggering the flashbacks at work...

Can I tell you that that just sucks!!!!

I should probly do what you do and get out of the office. Take a break and walk. Listen to the birds or something. I just do not think about it. Instead I just knuckle down and keep working...like that will make it go away.

Fight For Life Today And Tomorrow

07/26/2012 09:56 PM  Top
cmany
cmany
 
Posts: 6204
Group Leader
I'm an Advocate

ff...

Personally...I think that sometimes...not always...but sometimes...we have flashbacks because our bodies are wanting and needing to deal with the situation...

Our minds may not feel ready...we know the baggage that is going to be littered at our feet...but sometimes what the body needs will drive it to try and override the mind...

Its hard...but it only gets harder when we don't deal with these things...

[b]Group Leader Disclaimer[/b]
First and foremost - I am NOT a doctor, anything I share is based on experience & research. I strongly encourage you to discuss any and all information that I share with a health care provider.
************************
"I'm not afraid to take a stand
Everybody come take my hand
We'll walk this road together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just let you know that, you're not alone
Holla if you feel that you've been down the same road...
And I just can't keep living this way
So starting today, I'm breaking out of this cage
I'm standing up, Imma face my demons
I'm manning up, Imma hold my ground
I've had enough, now I'm so fed up
Time to put my life back together right now" Eminem Not Afraid

07/26/2012 10:07 PM  Top
ffltat
ffltatPosts: 149
Member

Yes it does get harder. I keep getting hit with flashbacks that totally knock me for a loop. in a way the flash backs do a good thing...they make me start talking to my tdoc about it.
Fight For Life Today And Tomorrow

07/27/2012 07:44 PM  Top
1magicman
1magicman
 
Posts: 3215
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

Flashback can really wear you out and put you down for days. But what you have learned as so far can help you get back on track. Journaling can help you with this.

( Hope To Cope ) Scott


Previous discussions I participated in:
cute quetio to answer?
Irritable
what's ptsd like?
Reply

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