Sexual Abuse Support Group

Hello all. I have been a member of mdj for a few years, but am new to this group. I have been raped, but that's not really why I'm here. My older sister recently told me that she was sexually abused as a child by my favorite uncle. She told me it wasn't necessarily rape, as there was no penis penetration, but she was inappropriately touched on numerous occassions. I told her that I was raped, in the hopes of establishing some solidarity (I haven't told any other family members). My sister has told our immediate family about her issue (to makes sure it hasnt happened to any of us, which it hasnt), but has asked us not to tell any of our extended family so as to keep from causing family problems, especially since our cousin is getting married in October. I'm not sure how to help her, and I'm having major issues reconciling her experience of our uncle with the favorite uncle ive always known and loved. I don't know that I can see him again without acting strangely and giving away her well-guarded secret. My sister is in therapy and hopefully making progress dealing with it, but I don't have that luxury and thought you guys might have some insight

Honestly, It's totally normal for abusers to only pick their favorite child out of a family. And it's ok to have conflicting opinions about your uncle.....you loved him and he was horrible to your sister. What your feeling is a hundred percent valid, and I want you to know that.

Welcome to the group...

I think sometimes these predators pick on their family, because they know there is a level of safety for them in doing it...

They know that they will have the backing of some family members who just will NOT believe it no matter what...and that other family members just won't want to cause such rifts and turmoil within the family...cowardice to the extreme...

Here is the thing...what does your sister really want to do?

Is she comfortable and willing to let him get away with what he did?

In all honesty, there is a possibility that he could of done this to other members of family. The reality is, he may have been very selective and careful in how he did this...sure she may be the only one (within your immediate family)...but the chances are pretty good that she is not his only victim...

Right now, however, it is important to be as supportive of your sister as possible...and focus on that...

The upcoming family event will probably be hard...because acting as all is ok, can feel as if you are betraying your sister...especially if you spend time with him...so you need to decide for yourself what is going to make you feel most comfortable...which is something that only you can answer...

I feel for you...deeply...I know how I would be in such a situation...but I am rather brash and abrasive...

Christine