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01/18/2012 11:16 AM

My father abused my brother

Darii
Darii  
Posts: 11
Member

My entire life, i wondered why my parents split when i was 8 and why my father never, for the 21 years of my life, brought home a gf or another woman. I get flashbacks of times where my dad would look at boys or males on t.v. a little funny. He always pointed out the gay guy in a show but never the gorgeous bomb shell. At the age of 14, my mom sat me down and told me my father liked men. She said she knew ever since i was born, he was never really into her sexually. She told me he would seem like he was having sex to get a nut off and not because he wanted to be intimate with her. I have a brother who is 8 years older than me. When my mother told me about that, i sat down with my brother and asked him if he knew. My father is not my brothers biological father, but raised him since the age of 3. My brother then proceeded to tell me he has known ever since he can remember. He didn't tell me much details at the time and frankly i think i pushed what he said aside in denial. He told me my father would try to touch him and kiss him. He never wanted my brother to have a girlfriend, harassing him when he was on the phone with a girl. I couldn't believe him!

Now, I am 21. I maintained a relationship with my dad throughout because i never really believed it all to be true. And then recently, my brother came to me again and told me it all... Told me my dad would slip him sleeping pills and he would wake up in his bedroom hurting. Told me my dad tried to actually teach him how to kiss. Told me he threatened him with me and my mother, and that's why he never spoke of it to the authorities. Then some of my cousins started coming out with the truth as well. I come to find out from 4 separate people he did this to. I was so enraged and disgusted!

I went into me and my fathers joint savings account, and wiped him clean! It felt good at the moment. Then i got calls from my dad and aunts from his side of the family, screaming at me telling me im a thief and that i am no longer part of the family. I flipped and spilt out everything i knew and heard of, he denied it all. I asked him crying, what if I had been a boy? he was silent and i knew it was all true.

I dont know what to do with myself. I was raised my entire life to believe my father was such a great man. A hard worker who did everything for me and for my future. Yet this same exact man sexually abused my brother when he was little. A LITTLE BOY!! Everyday i think of this i cringe. He changed his number and i havent spoken to him in months. I find myself missing my daddy, thinking about how i looked up to him, It f**ks up my head thinking that he could do such a thing and i have no one to talk to it about Sad

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01/18/2012 11:34 AM
Irishangel88
Irishangel88  
Posts: 4941
VIP Member

You now have us to talk to. It's so diffcult having an abusive parent, your torn between the good and the let's face it, evil. And you want to believe the good always. The most important thing here is to be there for your brother.......and you can always come here and talk to us Smile That is a promise.

01/18/2012 11:35 AM
beejaylove
Posts: 3
New Member

hey there. sorry to hear about this. wow that must be soo hard for you. people who abuse someone like that dont have exact profiles or traits. it could be anyone. thats why its so hard to recognize them. you never know. your brother did a good thing telling you about it. im sure your father feels very very bad about it. molesters always do one time or another. i dont know why they do those things. it disgusting.

did he ever do anything to you?? i guess sometimes they only go after one victim. and since you stated he wasnt the biological father of your brother, that fits perfectly. i hate the thought when kids get new parents after spitting up, like step fathers and such. did you know step fathers are the most common molesters?? maybe because they think they can touch or rape a kid who isnt there own so it doesnt feel as bad to them. thats why a lot of step fathers do incest with their daughters. they find them attractive and its not their real child.

if you want to talk to me you can.

my name is Briana. im 21 years old.

Smile


01/18/2012 08:18 PM
cmany
cmany  
Posts: 6924
Group Leader
I'm an Advocate

Welcome to the group hun...

How is your brother throughout all of this? It is horrible what happened to him...and to you...I can't imagine the feeling that you must be having...

I know that this is difficult for you...and in its own right can be very traumatizing...but it is so much better that you know the truth and distance yourself...as much as it hurts to do so...but you never know...you could end up having kids...with the possibility of sons...and the risk, considering he violated your brother and other relatives...you just don't know if your own would be safe...

Its horrible to think of...but the reality is...something is wrong with him...its OK to be gay...but to do what he did is wrong...he has hurt many with his choices...and god forbid if you were to have a son(s)...you would never know if you could trust him...

Try to remember the good things about your father...it is OK to cherish those things...and it is OK to still love him and miss him...He is your father...But he is also sick...and there is nothing that you can do about that...

There are many out there that are messed up and sick to one degree or another...and many of them have very good sides and good qualities ( and I am not just referring to molesters, even some of the worst serial killers had good sides to them)...but in most cases it cannot right the wrongs they commit...

The best thing I can say...is that you have to learn to overcome how this has impacted you...and learn to find strength in all that you learn...be there for your brother...

Try not to spend a lot of time being angry and bitter...because it can consume you...and that can cause you problems in the long run...

Also, consider therapy...and keep the lines of communication open with your brother...you cannot take back the damage done to either of you...but you can grow stronger from all of this...and help your brother to do so as well...

You both can be OK...you really can...

Christine

Post edited by: cmany, at: 01/18/2012 08:31 PM


01/19/2012 06:19 AM
Darii
Darii  
Posts: 11
Member

This was happening to him between the age of 3 and 14.... My brother is now 29 years old. He tells me he never wants to see my father again but he forgives him and has moved on. I think my brother is just living his life in denial that any of that happened to him. I think he just wants to forget and move on. He never wants to talk to me about it, it took me so long to get what i kno out of him.... I begged him to tell me because i felt like i had the right to know what my dad did to him. I guess if he forgave him, so should i.

01/27/2012 09:24 PM
Gem10910
 
Posts: 30
Member

I'm really sorry about what he did to your relatives. But remember you have online support groups and maybe at first you'll just be able to to talk about on the internet and then maybe to a trusted friend. Hope it all gets better. I wish you healing and also your relatives he has hurt.
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