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01/03/2012 09:54 AM

I was raped :(

flossy26
 
Posts: 46
Member

I was raped 2 months ago and then recently by my landlord. I havent done anything about it because am stupid and scared at the same time... He has a lovely partner and I dont want to hurt her nor do I want to lose my friends but I feel that this will continue happening as am not strong enough to get him off me, he's to strong Sad

Do you think that by me not reporting it am being selfish?? I don't no what to do about this as am alone!!

Thanks Flossy 26 x

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01/03/2012 12:18 PM
Irishangel88
Irishangel88  
Posts: 4941
VIP Member

I don't think your being selfish, and i'm really sorry this keeps happening to you, i'm just concerned about your safety if you don't report him/move where he can't find you. Can you afford to move?

01/03/2012 12:22 PM
cmany
cmany  
Posts: 6936
Group Leader
I'm an Advocate

Hey

Welcome to the group...sorry about what brought you here, but glad you ARE here...

This is your landlord, someone that you have to deal with...and that puts you in a bad position...

I would strongly suggest speaking to someone about what happened...

You are not being selfish by not telling - but you aren't allowing yourself to feel safe...because it could happen again with him being your landlord...you need to protect yourself from this guy...

And rape does a lot to a person mentally...

What happened to you was wrong. Plain and simple. Why do you think you would loose your friends? If they would dump you because you were raped...then they really are not very good friends...

Please, consider talking to the authorities...you have the right to feel safe in your own home...and it will not be possible so long as this guy is free to visit any time he so feels...

We are here for you...

Christine


01/04/2012 07:27 PM
karel6
karel6  
Posts: 1268
Senior Member

This sounds scary.

I agree that this is a bad place for you.

I hope you can move to a safe place or at least make yourself as safe as possible.

I am so sorry this happened.

Carol


01/15/2012 07:45 AM
flossy26
 
Posts: 46
Member

Thanks for your replies Smile

I can't afford to move and I just want it all to stop but I don't have the strength to do so. My friends are friends of his and his partners and I really don't want to hurt her by putting her through it.

My last family member has just moved away, my brothers don't see me because they don't want to walk 20 mins down the road from train station. And my father only thinks about his drugs so am alone in this and just thinking that I have no-one to call if it happens again.

love Flossy26 xx


01/15/2012 04:43 PM
cmany
cmany  
Posts: 6936
Group Leader
I'm an Advocate

Well I am going to suggest that if you aren't going to go to the authorities...then you NEED to establish some rules with your land lord...maybe talk to his partner...

You can be vague, but tell her that you had a bad run in with a man recently, and you are really really uncomfortable being around men right now...especially alone...and ask if you can give her the rent (if you hand it over rather then mail it)...

Also, if you need work done in the home that will require him to be there...ask her to be there...that you have really been rattled, and that being alone with a man is just too traumatic for you at the time...

And be forward with him...Tell him, this will NEVER happen again...that you haven't told - YET...and if he wants to persist and do it again...You WILL make sure that he does not get away with it...and that he is no long permitted in the home alone with you...and try to get some sort of dead bolt or chain lock...something that can ONLY be accessed from the inside...

Another thing that you may want to consider, is keeping something handy that you can use to protect yourself...bat, stick, keys (held in your fist)...mace, something that you can use in an instant to protect yourself...

Realize, that at this point you have a decision to make...you have decided not to tell anyone about what he did...but that does not mean that you HAVE to live in fear of this happening again...

Use what you know, what you feel, to give yourself reason to become more assertive with your space...use it as the driving force to take back control and not allow yourself to be taken advantage of...

Believe it or not...it is much easier to victimize someone who won't stand up for themselves, as opposed to someone who is going to fight back...do damage...and make a ton of noise...

Fear can either be our worst enemy or our greatest strength...its in how you decide to use that fear...if you let it paralyze you, you will always end up in a victim position...If you use it to make yourself more aware, to provide you with the courage that you need to do what you need to keep yourself safe...you are less likely to be his victim again...

Hang in there

Christine


01/16/2012 08:38 AM
flossy26
 
Posts: 46
Member

Christine,

Thank you for what you have wrote and you have been so descriptive in what may be best to do and I will try some of the aspects. I have currently been offered a flat where I moved from a few years ago so I am going back there and I am going to stay strong and fight as he wont be anywhere around me Smile

Thank you for taking your time to reply back to this.


01/16/2012 09:26 AM
cmany
cmany  
Posts: 6936
Group Leader
I'm an Advocate

You are SO welcome...any time...I am SO SO happy to hear that you have been able to get into another place...personally I feel better knowing this...

Use the move as a fresh start too...time to build your confidence in yourself...to work on being able to assert yourself in normal everyday life...and resolve to never be a victim again...

Look at and embrace all of the positives...you can overcome what has happened...and become a strong woman no matter what - you just have to choose it...

Always here for you...

Christine


01/16/2012 10:33 AM
flossy26
 
Posts: 46
Member

I will thank you.

New place, fresh start Smile


01/27/2012 09:38 PM
Gem10910
 
Posts: 30
Member

You aren't exactly being selfish what you do with it is your choice, however it is very important you get yourself out of that situation. We can discuss this furher if youd like to find ways to escape those people if they are in your life and still abusing you. You deserve so much better.
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