Sexual Abuse Support Group

This is something that's really troubling me. I hope I don't upset anyone, but this is my truth and I really feel like I need to share it ...

I constantly fantasize about my father when I'm maturbating or having sex. I picture the ways he would touch me and the places it would occur and it gets me so excited. Sometimes afterwards I feel really disturbed about it like I must be some really sick person to get off thinking about being molested.

It's gotten to the point where I look for incest porn or stories online. I always identify with the victim and it always excites me. But then I start to feel like I'm some awful horrible person and things like that shouldn't arouse me.

Sometimes I want to stop fantasizing that way but then I don't know what I would fantasize about or if I'd even be able to have an orgasm thinking about anything else.

I guess I just wanted to see if there is anyone else out there who understands where I'm coming from or if anyone else has the same issue.

Thanks.

Oh and I was a girl when I was molested and when I fantasize I'm a girl

I was molested daily from 3-11 by my father,uncle,and grandfather but father more, raped by exhusband and by a friends stepfather, and fondled inappropriately by various men over the years (

Your having the courage to come here and tell us, and address the issue is a WONDERFUL thing that you are doing for yourself...

I have found some things that may help you to better understand...

This is a good one for you...

http://faithallen.wordpress.com/2009/01/08/sex-after-sexual- abuse-role-of-negative-fantasies/

Follow it with the next one...

http://faithallen.wordpress.com/2009/01/09/sex-after-sexual- abuse-letting-go-of-negative-fantasies/

Here is another one

http://www.pandys.org/articles/rapefantasies.html

After reading these, you will see that this does not make you a horrible person...and it is something that you can learn to overcome...

Hang in there OK...

The ones who are truly guilty are the perpetrators, not us.

It took me 40 years to realize this.

you are innocent.

You are not alone.

And they were wrong, not you.

Carol