Sexual Abuse Support Group

things have been so difficult! i have been having flashbacks of my past so severe the past month that i dont know what to do any more... i have gone back to all my negative ways of coping and back to being completly secluded and clammed up.... of course i never really talk to people anyway, but still, it is even worse now. i just wish i could have a good day... a normal day like everyone else around me. a day i can enjoy with no memories, no triggers, and no flashbacks! but that day never comes. never

my therapist and parents really think i need to go to inpatient again, but i hate the thought of going again. i have been in and out of those places alot since i was about 16! not a fun place to be. but my meds aren't working and i am back to being overwhelmed and moody all the time and self-harming quite a bit again. i just wish i knew the answers to if going to the hospital would do me any good because it never seems to make things any better for very long.... i am just sick and tired of all the flashbacks and nightmares.... and seeing, feeling the things that trigger it... it's just so overwhelming and over powering..... i just don't know any more

Hi, Broken. I know how you feel. I long for a "normal" day too. My heart hurts for you. I only ever went to an outpatient program and wonder if maybe I should have gone to inpatient. I seem to be rolling along for a little while, but I too get super mega sensitive and hyperaroused by everything around me- sometimes I can't even pinpoint what it is...Its like BOOM, I'm triggered, and then I want to hurt myself. I try exercising, journaling, meditating, praying (I'm not real religious but figured it couldnt hurt) but when I get that bad all I want to do is go back to my self destructive ways of "feeling right" again.

Sometimes I feel like I want to sob but I'm "stuck" . Nothing will come out. Hang in there, and know you are not alone. I have two small children and a career and it gets really hard pretending all the time to be like everyone else...

Hugs.

D

Hi, Broken. I know how you feel. I long for a "normal" day too. My heart hurts for you. I only ever went to an outpatient program and wonder if maybe I should have gone to inpatient. I seem to be rolling along for a little while, but I too get super mega sensitive and hyperaroused by everything around me- sometimes I can't even pinpoint what it is...Its like BOOM, I'm triggered, and then I want to hurt myself. I try exercising, journaling, meditating, praying (I'm not real religious but figured it couldnt hurt) but when I get that bad all I want to do is go back to my self destructive ways of "feeling right" again.

Sometimes I feel like I want to sob but I'm "stuck" . Nothing will come out. Hang in there, and know you are not alone. I have two small children and a career and it gets really hard pretending all the time to be like everyone else...

Hugs.

D

Broken. My dear you are not alone at all. I was twelve years old when i was abducted and taken from my family and sexually abused by a total stranger. I to clammed up and never talked about what happen for many years. I found out i was the worst thing i could have done. Through therapy i have learned by talking about my experience helps me to heal. By starting to talk i realised i didn't care anymore what people thought of me. For example. Yes im male. I was forced to have sexual intercourse with another male. Am i proud? NO. But i had to do what i had to do in order to survive. To help me to cope with it i have journald for many years. I have enough paperwork to fill a four drawer file cabinet. I meditate at least one half hour a day. It clears my mind and and help me focus on the future. Today im engaged to be married, i had two woderful boys. one is adopted and one biological. My best advice to give you is to take one step at a time, never give up hope, Keep your head held high, And keep focus on that new light.

Hugs Scott