How can I help my daughter?

Since the reported abuse he's given up his parental rights ~ her stepdad wants to adopt her. He's a wonderful person and has been in her life since she was 6. He would do anything in the world for her. He helps with homework, helps me take care of her when she's sick, he has played an important part in her life to this point. Now she tells me she hates him and always has. She's never given me any indication that she didn't care for him.

Last Friday she was admitted to a behavioral hospital for help. She's deeply depressed and was started on an antidepressant Saturday. Since the reported abuse, she's attempted to shoplift and has run away from home and has also stated she just wants to die. I know for sure she was self injuring on one occasion.

Our world has been torn apart. We feel as if we'll never have our daughter back. Her stepdad and I feel helpless and hopeless. Can anyone out there please shed some light on our situation. Please...someone tell me there's hope that we'll be able to work through this as a family.

The shoplifting and running away are acting out behaviours. She is crying for help but may not know how to ask or even know what she needs. My daughter was sucidal at one point, but we did get her through it. I did at first with as much as supportive non judgmental way possible get her to tell me what happened. This helped a little. She did talk to a counselor at school and one professional. She needs to talk about it and how she feels about it. There may be more to the story that what you know. Trust and shame may be holding her back. Let her know that you will always protect her and then make good on your word. I got my daughter involved with a different group of kids and they had a church group that she went to.

For me this was the most difficult part of parenting. For me this was more difficult because it happened to me also and I have my own issues to deal with along with the guilt of not protecting her. But I do know what I would have needed from my parents so that is what I did. Unconditional love and support, open communication with no judging, firm rules, faith and counseling. It takes time, you are also dealing with her developing sexuality which now is going to be messed up and confused.

There are books you can read, I don't know off the top of my head. Check your library on sexual abuse or on-line. Good luck, and feel free to write me anytime.

And she probably doesn't hate her stepfather, she's a teen, could be she's angry at all men right now. If he has never done anything to her that is abusive there would be no reason - she's a kid. All 13 year olds hate one of their parents at one time or another, just be sure there is no real reason for her feelings.

I'll be thinking of you,

Lori

I believe that it is very possible that she may not have told you all the entire story. I know at her age, I probably would not (actually did not) have. That is just speculation so that you keep that somewhere in the back of your mind.

This is really hard stuff and the effects can last a life time. However, with loving parents there to help guide her through this and be supportive she has good chance of healing from this successfully.

I also think that she may just be angry at all men or just plain uncomfortable around them. I know this is tough to hear but as Lori mentioned, make sure that is the only reason for her reluctance to accept her stepfather.

I also agree with Lori that a peer group make be very helpful to her. If she gets a good counselor that she can connect with that might be very helpful but may not happen. You all will definitely be in my thoughts and prayers.

hannah