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12/10/2009 02:53 PM

The Ebb and Flow

EternalNight
EternalNightPosts: 112
Member

My therapist lady mentioned knowingly the concept of memories coming and going; one day it's there, the next it is seemingly gone as if it never existed.

This was happening somewhat already, but it seems as more comes forward, it has been happening more frequently to me. At this moment, for example, it is as if I am "normal" again, as normal as I ever was anyway...as if I was never really violated, and I rest in some strange assurance - as frail and shaky as it may be - that I am not a victim of sexual abuse. But just hours ago, things were flooding into my mind, things about my father that no daughter should ever know. Somewhere in there, a sudden receding of the tide of memories swept them all away, and I am left with nothing but damp sand. They are stolen back into the ocean in my mind, and I feel just strange.

Memories of horror and abuse seem to come and go. And at times I feel it never happened, no way, how dare I ever insinuate that it did, he may have had flaws but he was never that evil, and it's my fault he terrified me, I was just too sensitive...

I remember the way my therapist seemed to think this was normal. Is that true? Is this something I am not the only one to deal with??

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12/10/2009 03:22 PM
HiddenButterfly
HiddenButterfly  
Posts: 4910
Group Leader
I'm an Advocate

Eternal, it is verry true. I still fight with believing it actually happened. THe thought of some one actually surviving such horrors , much less me is at times uncomprehensible. SOmetimes the mind will stop flooding the memories just because we need to take a break from time to time. One cannot deal with this stuff all the time. Our minds know this and work with us on it.

Brenda


12/10/2009 05:30 PM
EternalNight
EternalNightPosts: 112
Member

Thanks so much.

It's good to know I'm not just crazy or something!!


12/10/2009 05:39 PM
HiddenButterfly
HiddenButterfly  
Posts: 4910
Group Leader
I'm an Advocate

As a famous song puts it, your not crazy, just a little unwell. All you have been through is enough to make anyone unwell. YOu are just fine. Coping is all we can do and you are doing that.

Brenda

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