Sex Addiction Support Group

Hello, my name is Sara and I'm a sex addict. I picked up my 9month chip at my last meeting a week ago. I was doing really well... until right now. I am still sober from my inner circle but am struglling with a new trigger. I havent encountered this one before so it is really hard for me to see past it. I just found out that my father is quite possibly a pedophile. And I cant stop thinking that maybe something happened to me as a child that I had blocked from my memory. Maybe there is a reason for all this after all. I finished my first step a year ago and couldnt come up with a why, only a when. I started acting out sexually in preschool. Now I think that it could have been more than just a ingrain thing... that either he taught me how to be this monster... or its genetic. I'm struggling. Could use some hope.

Sara, welcome to the forum. As grave as your Dad's situation is, finding out about his problem should not be a trigger that makes you fall off the wagon. If anything, finding out the "why" should help you to continue your sobriety rather than make you fall back. Now you can at least be at ease knowing that perhaps there really was something behind it all. Getting your 9-month chip is still a milestone. No doubt this is the kind of news no one wants to hear, but please don't make your Dad's issues your own.

Now to his problem. I don't know what kind of relationship you have with him but I assume by your words that he is still around and actively pursuing his pedophilia. Pedophilia is the one sex problem that has to be erradicated immediately by all means necessary. Being unfaithful to your partner and obsessing over porn are one thing, but involving children is a totally different animal and if you know that he is doing this at present, you need to do something about it. Regretfully, it might be necessary to involve the authorities.

Please don't allow this new set of circumstances to rain on your parade. You need to think of Sara first. Continue your meetings if they have been successful thus far and work on achieving more milestones. Good luck! I will be praying for you.

Hi Sara and welcome.

Now is the time to stay close to your program, to contact your sponsor and to turn this issue over. Triggers can be powerful and if you remain humble and give it to your higher power you will find the peace and clarity we all seek.

I will not address your father's issue as I am concerned only with you and helping/supporting you at this time. I will say that if what you suspect is valid, I urge you to report any information you have anonymously to the proper authorities. You may be saving a child much pain. Also forcing your father to seek help with his problem.

Congrats. on your 9 months of sobriety and may you have many more ahead. We are always here to help where we can. You will not be judged here. Only supported.

Good luck and stay in touch.

Thank you. I dont know if my father has done anything to any child. We found a pornographic photo on his computer of a child (aprox. 7yrs old). I think I have to confront him about it. But its eating me up inside. I live with my parents still. They're happy. What's killing me is that I know something about someone I love that could destroy everyone in my family. It could destroy everything. I dont want that to happen.

This must be a very difficult time for you with all that is happening.

As I said previously, my concern is for your peace and continued recovery. I would rather focus on that and hope that you will as well.

I hope that you will monitor the situation with your dad because you don't know the repercussions of whatever he is doing on others. I learned a long time ago that we cannot save the world. At best we can only grow from within and hope that our recovery can lead us to a better place and possibly help others along the way as well.

I meant to ask before whether you have a significant other (partner) in your life?

I dont have anyone special in my life at this time, no one to talk to about this that is close to me. I was able to check-in with my sponser and will call him again later today. I feel a little better. I think I will feel even better after my meeting tomorrow night.

At my lowest, my porn addiction brought me to child porn. I thank God everyday that my sex addiction didnt go to the same extreme. I was able to draw that line and stay away from it. It kills me to think that I share this addiction with my dad and I dont know if he had the strength to stay on my side of the line. Or if he drew a line to begin with. When I have figured out my emotions regarding this situation, I am going to confront him. I will talk to my sponser and others in my group before I take that step. As I have not yet done my 4th step, I am not sure how to bring it up in a helpful way without disclosing too much or sounding mad.

Suggestions are welcome, though it may be a while before I am really ready to talk to him. I have dealt with the triggering part and am secure in my sobriety for now. Thank you for letting me vent on here and for the positive words, they helped a lot!

Sara

You know Sara, I think you are doing it right by taking this slowly. I can see that this thing with your Dad is overwhelming you a bit. Frankly, I would try to find more "evidence" before confronting him. One sole picture on his computer is probably not enough to start an inquisition that could destroy your family. Sometimes stupid people will email you stupid things - he may have received that from someone else and may not even realize the pic is there. I would recommend you dig a little deeper before bringing it up- IMO.

As for you, it is good to hear that you contacted your sponsor and you have been to yet another meeting. Congratulations! In your case, I'd look at it as safety on an airplane: "put your mask on before helping others". Once you are fully on the mend, you will be better equipped to help your Dad if indeed there is a problem there. He could also join SA incognito later on......

Thanks. I am debating right now how to proceed on finding more evidence. Child porn and most porn in general is in my inner circle, so searching for it on his computer could very well be detrimental to my recovery at this point. I cant ask my brother to look into it because he is not talking about this anymore. It just sucks. To top it off I just lost $40 out of my wallet and got a $47 street sweeping ticket, so now I am stressing out about money as well. I hate college cities... there's never any parking!!! I am doing a little better since I was able to talk it out at my meeting last night. The more people I can tell, the less painful it is. The love, acceptance and support from fellow SAA members at meetings is more than I could have ever hoped for. It is safe in those rooms. And that is exactly what I needed. Thank you for your support on here as well.