Sex Addiction Support Group

I having only experience with my wife I will say that it doesn't lead me in that direction. She's been really good and helpful for me through this process.

I have come to realize that I have used this addiction for so long to medicate myself and I can see the draw of it, not when pleasant things occur such as kissing her or even seeing a pretty woman on the street or in a magazine. My issues with it occur when I've had a problem of some sort that leaves me feeling what I call 'less than'. When I feel put down or other feelings of pain or triggers from past issues. It's then that I want to turn to the porn for a distraction from them and 'medication'. However, just as heroin leaves the user with pain and a feeling of defeat, the old feelings of worthlessness returns when I've acted out.

Example: Things have been really nice between my wife and I since I've been clean. Last night there were a few posts on the forums that I'd seen all day but was too busy to respond to. So I went to the computer to read and respond to them.

My wife came in and said, 'Aren't you going to sit with me? I thought you'd decided that when I was here you would stay off the computer.'

After spending a nice and busy day working around the house with her I thought it would be nice to answer the posts and saw nothing wrong with it. The bottom line is that we ended up angry and hurt with one another. This is what I call disconnection. After working so hard at staying off the porn and connected with her this was all it took to make me want to act out. It's a long time habit and the one I've come to realize I must change.

I did not act on it and am proud of that. Each decision like this one leads me closer to making the right choices in the future.

Tonight I will apologize to her (difficult for me to do.....leaves me feeling frightened to admit being wrong)and this will re-establish connection for us.

Each episode that I handle in a positive way leads me away from my addiction and towards a better self image. Low self esteem for me is the root cause for the feelings that drive me to pornography. Always have been.

This will change with work, over time.