Sex Addiction Support Group

My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other since June of 2008. It was in December that I realized he could be a sex and/or porn addict. We are perfect for each other except for this one problem and I couldn't bring myself to leave him for it; I am going to school to become a psychologist after all. But nothing seems to be changing. He lies and promises things he doesn't keep. We just signed a year lease on an apartment together and once we moved in I found he had been replying to CraigsList personal ads again. He swears he never goes through with any of them but if he lies about one thing when should I believe him? Then today I hacked into one of his email addresses (this is where I have an addiction problem of my own) and found some disturbing messages from 3 years ago. We weren't together at the time but I feel he should have told me that he had solicited himself for oral sex with men on CraigsList since the subject has come up on more than one occasion. I don't know when to believe him or when to trust him. I don't know if I should bring up this new found information. I know that if this behavior continues I will slowly begin to hate him and discontinue my love for him. I can't find information to help that doesn't involve a 12 step program involving God. We just aren't spiritual in that way. Therapy is very expensive and there seem to be lacking therapists with this kind of expertise. I'm lost and confused and hurt.

THere are sexaholics (spelling) groups you could check out that do not involve god. I'm really sorry to see you are going through all this crap. Have you googled sexual addiction recovery without god?

I agree with you ariestmar84, I am definitely not interested in 12 step god related advice and that there isnt very much info out there and that alternatives are expensive. I'm just piecing it together myself at the moment. I will offer you three personal comments though, 1) is that I relate too well with your boyfriend. The lying is inevitable since we are trying to get our fix any free moment we can find. And when confronted we obviously have no choice but to wiggle our way out of it, 2)your boyfriend probably wont stop by himself, I sure wouldnt have even considered it (I was happy, it was a lifestyle), 3) there is only one thing that is making me consider stopping and that is my wife leaving, but really this time. She's not that sad, hurt wife anymore. She's calm, unhappy and disgusted. The former her probably wouldnt have left. And she didnt. This her probably would. I just dont want to give up my family.

One more thing. When she found a newspaper one day that I had bought with notes and numbers next to many of the contact ads, my reply was that I was just "curious". If only I had only been curious.

I believe I have googled sex addiction therapy without god and still didn't find much. I have finals due this week though so once I finish those I will have more time to check on some more things. If you find out anything in the mean time, please share and I will do the same when I can.

Post edited by: ariestmr84, at: 06/14/2009 11:23 AM

I will say this to both of you. I've been attending 12 Step Meetings for over 20 years.

When I walked into the first one and heard the 'God Talk' I wanted to run out. I really felt that I had no interest in religious stuff and didn't think it would help.

But most 12 Step groups are spiritual groups and the reason why many of the people go to them is that they have lost touch with their spirits. The core of every human being that 'tells' us that we are OK just the way we are and if we can stay in touch with that spirit we can find a better, happier way to live.

The reason you see so many of them when looking is because they work, are successful and really help people. ACOA changed and saved my life. I'm hoping SA will do he same. In fact I know it will....I just have to do the footwork and the fellowship will help with the rest..

I hope you will try a meeting before rejecting them out of hand. What have you got to lose?

I'm not trying to sell you on anything. Just to help.

Regards,

Len