I am recently separated from my wife of 5 years. I guess it started when I became negative. I began to drink heavily and just wasn't happy anymore. My wife tried to stay positve, but it finally broke. I would come home wondering why the house wasn't cleaned or just say that I hate this place. It began to make my wife depressed and she had enough. She left a month ago with our two children into an apartment. This has really given me the eye opening that I needed, now hopefully, everything will work out. I still go to her place some nights and spend time with her and the kids. I asked her if there was a chance with us and she really doesn't know, which I do understand. It's going to take awhile to regain her trust and to show her that I'm serious about our marriage. We still say I love you to each other and give each other kisses when we're together. Sometimes, it just seems very hard to deal with this though. When I'm home by myself is the worst. Bad thoughts go through my head about our relationship ending, so I begin to race through to try and make thing up quickly, which I have learned is something that I shouldn't do. Any suggestions for this?
Hi, strangetimes, from what you wrote, I believe your chances of making up with your wife and even improving your marriage as result of this separation are very good.
As you yourself noted at the beginning of your post the problem began with negativity and heavy drinking. Therefore, two key points for you to address are finding the root cause of your negativity and being honest with yourself about the drinking.
Whether the negativity was caused by a temporary situation in your life or at least partially stemmed from a genetic condition like bipolar would require very different strategies, so you better be clear in your mind, perhaps by discussing with somebody you trust who's knowledgeable about this. I really don't know you well enough to tell you, sorry.
About the drinking, you should consider whether or not this was a unique binge or whether drinking is a chronic problem in your relationship. In the first case, not to worry, it happens, so just promise yourself you'll find a better way to cope with the next stressful period, which will surely come. Notice I said, "Promise yourself," not your wife. The promise to yourself is what you're going to show her, not tell her. On the other hand, if you have a history of heavy drinking, you may need to seek support for reducing, or in the case you're an alcoholic, entirely stopping drinking. I know that's hard, but believe me, it can be done.
I've personally seen my own wife do it.
Self portrait of my wife.
Post edited by: Saemonnojo, at: 01/11/2010 03:47 AM
02/22/2010 03:10 PM
Posts: 280 Member
A very late welcome to the group. As GL I just wanted to say hi and please post in our forums.
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