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07/16/2011 06:49 AM

Well, I've been here before, and now I'm back.

FatherKarras
FatherKarras  
Posts: 3261
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

A little backstory. Some of you know that Im bipolar and that I self harm. Recently, I was also diagnosed as being psychotic (delusionary, hallucinatory, paranoid, etc).

I'm really having a hard time dealing with this. I was switched off the bp med (stupid, since I'm bipolar) and put on antipsychotic med and Klonopin. Since then, I've felt nothing but the need to harm myself. I've done it a few times (intentionally slamming the trunk on my hand, playing the knife between the finger game, etc.

I can't switch this off. It's all I can do right now not to take the drill and put a hole in my hand.

I don't know how to handle this, but checking myself in is just going to make matters worse. I'll find worse ways to hurt myself.

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07/16/2011 08:34 AM
Irishangel88
Irishangel88  
Posts: 4941
VIP Member

I can relate a little, when I was on Zoloft I went through something similar. But you HAVE to tell the truth to your doctors, TELL them it's the medication, some anti depressants/anti psychotics have suicidal tendencies as their side effects, and it's really dangerous. Tell them exactly when it started, and tell them you want to be back on your old medicine, that before you didn't want to hurt yourself, but on this new medicine you do. Because reading your post, I don't really think it's conciously you wanting to hurt yourself. I think it's a side effect from the medicine that's making it come to light a thousand times more than it would be brought to light.

07/18/2011 12:20 AM
slamm311
slamm311  
Posts: 7356
VIP Member

Hey Father! I know what you mean....I am getting stronger and stronger urges. You need to dig deep down...why are you doing this? What happened that makes you feel so angry ad hurtful to yourself to do this? What's been going on?

10/06/2011 02:29 AM
sunnie
 
Posts: 49
Member

Keep fighting the fight, thinking of you, and i agree with ur replys

Take care, stay safe

Sunnie


10/06/2011 05:42 AM
stand2endure
stand2endure  
Posts: 369
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

Hang in there and keep sharing, we are listening.

s2e


10/06/2011 07:53 AM
peasha
peasha  
Posts: 1374
VIP Member

Hi Father I here you on the urges and total med change that internally you know shouldn't happen. I just went through the change and man it was a pain in the rear, but I finally got the dr to realize its the combo he gave me that was just not wrking out and I was not about to wait till something happened to find out if it is "working" or not.

I would tell the dr that you HAVE to have the BP med you were on and he needs to work around it so that you can try dealing with the pschotic episodes without the intense urges you are having now. If you were in control before then why change what is working is what I say. I also know that when it comes to these things you just gotta put your foot down and tell the DR. that you are NOT going to change meds unless YOU are comfortable with how well you can control yourself with certain things. Does that make sense? Tell him you gotta go on something different cause this aint working and tell them to ween you off the other medicine and give you something that will work for the BP with whatever meds the feel you need for the psychotic episodes you been having. I agree with you on the fact that taking you off your bp med was a mistake and to have done that so quickly doesn't make any sense medically if you already have a good history with it. Keep us posted and keep fighting the urges, maybe ask for a sleep med to help get you to sleep so your not "thinking" too much.

AND- long time no see slamm!! I miss you all the time hun and I hope that you are doing fairly well. Don't stay a stranger now Smile

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