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06/17/2011 02:27 PM

This may be a different kind of intro......

Irishangel88
Irishangel88  
Posts: 4941
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Some of you may know me from the groups I lead or are in. Those who don't......probably soon will. See, I have a long history of abuse in my family, bullying/teasing at school.......never really fit in anywhere. And the way I used to deal with that was.....by reaching for a bottle of pills. First as a method of suicide, but after a few times......it became not about wanting to die, but about....control. I'm almost 23 now, and from the time I was fourteen to the time I was seventeen.....I'm surprised I survived myself. But lately, with the panic and getting down, i've scared myself whenever someone suggested I take something for a headache or to go to sleep at that point, once I even told someone "no, I can't trust myself with pills right now". I haven't had a relapse into that yet, but....I feel it maybe coming if I don't deal with this? For seven years of my life I ran a suicide group on a helping teens site, helping people to not hurt themselves, to not kill themselves. And it used to make me feel amazing everytime I got through to someone. And this is hard to admit, but even with the groups I lead on MDJ right now, I don't feel that way. so maybe part of the reason I joined this group was to try to capture that amazing feeling again by maybe helping people in here? I don't really know.....but thanks for listening to me ramble Smile
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06/17/2011 04:26 PM
pirateprincess421
pirateprincess421  
Posts: 31179
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Hi Irish, welcome to the group. We could always use some different insight. I have also had those moments where I what to just curl up and die. Just jump in where ever you where You feel needed.

06/18/2011 08:07 AM
Irishangel88
Irishangel88  
Posts: 4941
VIP Member

I think I just scared myself really badly with that admission that at that time I couldn't be trusted with pills. I really don't want to start that cycle again, that was the worst time in my life.......

06/18/2011 06:00 PM
iammental

I've actually been where you were and you know what I did? I threw away what I knew I was hoarding and then anything I was legitimately supposed to take, I gave to my roommate and he gave them to me as I needed them. He hid them well.

It sucks to have them hidden from me but my safety was more important than my pride.


06/19/2011 04:13 AM
peasha
peasha  
Posts: 1374
VIP Member

Hi Irish welcome to the group Smile It is always fearsome when we know that we are at risk for something. The anxiety levels are so intense when we fret about relapsing into an addiction and your fears are understandable. I know that when I am REALLY close to sharp objects I am terrified that I will accidently cut myself enjoy the feeling then relapse into the phase all over again. Its awful especially since I am a cook, but the anxiety gets easier with time. Unfortunatly that is answer nobody likes, but when it comes to trust only time can create it for us.

I am excited to have you with us by the way, you have sooo much wisdom in our other groups so I am sure that you have something beneficial to share for us here as well Smile Welcome Smile

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