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I always hear about others and myself who had or have given up self harming for so long only to remember it was a coping thing and then in turn go back to it. So many of u say ihavnt cut for like years and then one day i couldnt seem to stop myself or its all i could think of. well i have een researching this for a while now and im asking other people's opinions" why do you think we go back to it?" my answer is the feeling afterwards is so comforting its evigorating in some sense and tats what we are addicted to physically but emosionally i have always thoght i cut so i didnt hurt others with my fustraton or crap but really i was.The watched they saw they covered for me yes they too were hurt. Finally i realised i did it to punish myself but also in a way them... ill show them i dont need anyone else , I am strong enough see.. etc we all know what im talking about im sure. what ild like to know is : when was the last time you self harmed and was it the physical addiction or emosional? Mine was about 3 weeks ago i burnt myself with lighters and ciggy's and slit my wrist... i felt overwhelmed and like i was suffocating in this wedding its all anyone wants to talk about and wants to hear about and well i wish it was over and instead of saying to hubby and friends can we talk aout something else i went to my safety net to get out fustration and get that feeling we all reach afterwards once the physical damage is done. So becuse i couldnt take away my hubby's excitement and tell him i was over it all and make him doubt me i went to town on myself so to speak.. so i got the rush afterwards, felt i had some control , And hurt him by him seeing i had hurt myself again. This is my last harming episode its now been like 3 weeks, before that it was nearly a year and before that the longest was 4 and a half years. Please add to this lets all be open and maybe with each others help we can find out how we lasted so long between harming only to go straigh back to it. thanks for listening guys BIG HUGS Stormxx (the unpredictable)
Storm |
