Self-Injury Support Group

I need advice, i have no one to talk to because no one really knows what is going on with me. I have been isolating very much, but i am also numbed out.

I recently have decided that i want to stop seeing my therapist.

I feel that it is a waiste of time, because i am not going anywhere with it. She knows i have been throwing up, and she knows that i am having issues with scutting and such, but i just dont feel i am at a place where i would be willing to stop my behaviors.

I feel that i need a break to collect my thoughts, to figure out what i really want, and am goign to tell her tomorrow that i intend on stopping treatment.

However, i dotn know what to think aobut this. This idea came ouit of the blue, and i have a feeling that she is not going to like it.

I really need your opinion on the matter, i need advice, and suggestions.

Is this the right thing to do?

Does it sound completly irrational and manic?

or does it sound reasonable and rational?

I just dont feel anything about the decision, other then it is the right thing to do at this place and time...so i dont know how i am goign to take it emotionally wen the feelings come back into the picture.

I dont know,

Any words would be a great help.

Thank you

~Svetlana

(ps i am going to be posting this is a few other groups to get as much feed back as i can, so please dont be alarmed, and dont think i am trying to get attention)

well i would say first of all it is important to have the support of a therapist especially if you don't have anyone in your life who understands what is going on with you. sometimes i think we overthink therapy and think it is a waste of time if we aren't stopping our behaviors right away. sometimes we need to work through and feel some certain things and have that outlet to talk to someone no matter what.

i don't think it is a good idea to stop treatment mainly because you don't seem to have a support system outside of your tdoc. i would say you should look at why exactly you want to stop treatment, is it because you don't like the therapist? do you not think she is helping you? or is it simply the fact that you don't feel you are or will make progress because you are hesitant to stop your behaviors?

if it is because you don't really like your therapist or think she personally can help, find a different one. but if you think therapy won't help because you are anxious to stop your behaviors i would say to stick it out in therapy. i don't think most tdocs expect someone to come in ready to stop all of the things that are hurting them, because if you were ready and willing, you wouldn't need them and their support.

i hope this helps, sorry its so long.

i know exactly how you feel about therapy. and honestly when i was at my worst with SI (purging and cutting as well) that there wasnt much any therapist could do to stop me or make me realize what i was doing to myself. support is important though. so if you do decide to stop try to at least replace therapy with a supportive postitive friend.

just know you arent alone. i'm here if you want to talk.

I think that if you feel like you aren't getting anything out of seeing your therapist then you should take a break. Maybe it would be best to just tell your therapist you would like to stop seeing him or her for a few weeks to collect your thoughts. In the meantime, maybe try looking for another therapist. Are you not comfortable with the therapist you are currently seeing? If you aren't, you probably aren't telling your therapist everything you should, which could be why you aren't getting anything out of the treatment. And also, you have to really want to stop your behaviors in order for the help to work. You mentioned that you did not want to stop your behaviors. I understand that completely. If you are hurting inside so much and can't find an alternative way to cope with your feelings, ceasing the destructive behaviors can be very difficult. I guess I would say to you don't do anything rash, just stop going for a few weeks and see how you feel. Best of luck to ya!

wow, you three have been the most helpful!!!

itsmynightmare you are right, she is the best therapist anyone coudl ask for, we work very well together, but its that i feel like im not in a place where i am capable of looking at stopping, and so, whats the point, she tells me what will help, and i wont do it, ya know? so i really like your suggestion, tiff0089 and i was actually thinking about that today when iwas at work, she is goign to be on vacation for the last two weeks of august, so if when isee her tomorow i tell her i want to stop, i was thinking that maybe i tell her that i woudl like maybe to reasses in the beginning of september.

yea, i just kind of feel like it is me, im the one who jsut cant work on myself right now.

not her.

so heres the update, i havent seen her for about a week and a half (technically two, but only one sesssion) and i guess things are ok, im surviving, however, i had a melt down at owrk, things have been really stressful, with the boss situation, and i just kinda snapped, i had enough of the administration jerking us lifeguards around, and yea, just had a meltdown, ended up crying to my friend. Now, i have been kinda really down, and jsut in a slump for the last few days, luike really bad. i threw up clood a couple of days ago, and that really freaked me out, since then, i have been trying to stop the throwing up, however, its been not working out for me. ill be there...sitting eating the food...thinking "i dont have to do this, i dont have to do this" yet i will do it anyways. i dotn know whats going on...but i am starting to regret not stopping earlier...when it would have been easier...i should have listened to my friend, and my therapist..they both told me that i was walkign a very thin line, that for now i was still in control, however that they had no idea when i would no longer be in charge, when things would start to spin out of control...i dont know...i jsut kinda feel like the world is crashing all around me...like...its too much for me, everything to really hard right now...and i dont know if i have what it takes to keep trying...im really tired of working my butt off, and seeing no results...i dont know...just thought i would give an update...i called my therapist yestereday, maybe she willl call back, maybe not. talk to you all later. (by the way, this is a repost update, iposted it on another forem...just in case you see it somewhere else...just keeping my posts updated...)

Tru

Tru...

What I read from you is a place that I have seen as a black pit of despair...my reasons and causes of course were different - but its a place I came to know very well.

I know that things seem hopeless and all efforts seem fruitless...

But there are ways out...but it begins by making a choice...any type of vice that we carry comes with a choice...its just that allowing it to choose for us is so much easier then us fighting against it and pulling out...

For me - I was made to see how I was destroying my family - my little girls were becoming victims of this darkness that had enveloped me. That was not the life I envisioned for them.

I think, at least for me, the kicker, the thing that really helped me climb out of it, was finding that thing within myself that I had lost. We all have it. Its just hard to find sometimes...

There is something within each of us, that keeps us going...a strength...its that thing that brought us all here - to find others...its that something that stops us from going too far...and keeps us looking for help...

I am going to go out on a limb - but based on what you have said, you are questioning whether you have the strength to stop - to be able to control yourself...that you have come to a point where you are loosing control over your throwing up...

Yet you are questioning yourself. This is very important...and I dont want to sound preachy or sound like I am a counsilor - because I am not...and I only speak through my own personal experiences...but when we question ourselves - we are testing our strengths...trying to find our limits.

This is good. Its where you want to go with it from this point. Dont be afraid to have faith in yourself. Just because we make a choice not to do these things again, doesnt mean we wont slip - very few get anything right the first time around...

You do have what it takes to keep trying - its just something that you have to fight for. Its the things in life that we fight hardest for that are the things that mean the most...they are the things that are worth the most...and we have to fight harder for them then we do for anything else...

You do have it in you to get through this...you just have to find that part of you that will give you the strength to do it...have faith in your resolve to get through...its an uphill battle with dips and curves - but you can prevail...

Hope I didnt sound too out there...

Hang in

Christine

naw you didnt sound out there, the only thing is thati have never loved myself, or had any respect for myself...so its hard to be like " well jsut start loving yourself" which you didnt say, but others have...that is the first step, to care about myself...how do you do something that you have never known? i mean, i dont thin k i would even be able to identify it if i saw it...or experianced it...you know?

Hey - care is a step in the right direction...

I think sometimes its easier to do it in layers...

Find things/qualities in yourself that you can have feelings for...different kinds of feelings...

Respect, pride, admiration...and these can be the simplest or silliest of things...

for me - I know that I can get to be really silly - just a real goof - saying the goofiest stuff - and can get others to be just as goofy...

There are always things about ourselves that we can look at in both a positive and negative way at the same time...changing our perspective and choosing to pick the positive view helps...

You dont have to Love yourself - and we of course cannot just "Do It"...I hate that about people who say that you can...I think they are fooling themselves and convince themselves of this more then they really achieve it.

Emotionally we are complex and we have to look at ourselves in pieces...find what makes us strong - find what makes us weak...and learn to turn those weaknesses into strengths - because they can be...

If you work at learning to accept yourself the way you are, then learn to like that person...eventually, as you chip away at the things you dont like and change that into things you do like - eventually, you will find that you do love yourself - and that is OK...

Take it one step at a time - one day at a time...

And try to compliment yourself on doing something...even the most trivial things...things that you can do on auto pilot even...

Its a process...its a pain to get through - but you can...

Christine

hmm, interesting.