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07/05/2009 12:14 PM

I'm not sure about this anymore!

girlinvisable
girlinvisablePosts: 61
Member

I'm afraid I'm messing everything up. I can't stop cutting. I made a pretty nasty one on my wrist the other day and feel terrible about it now. I just had to do it. They keep getting deeper when I do them. Not as many in number but just deeper. Its scarey but in a way, I twistedly enjoy them. Someone I work with saw, I mean everyone saw it its hard to not honestly, but she jokinly said something like "oh your a cutter now" and me being the horrible lier that I am attempted to lie and basically made things worse. I hate that she "may" know and I hate that I don't want to stop cutting. It works for me. I feel just jacked up!
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07/05/2009 12:17 PM
pirateprincess421
pirateprincess421  
Posts: 31179
VIP Member

Girlinvisible, Given the circumstances I would say you may need some professional and medical help. It is scary to hear that you are cutting deeper. Please take care of yourself. You are not messing up anything you are just having a tough time with your emotions. Emotions make things all the more intense. Maybe call the doctor or a friend. I wish you Luck, keep us posted as to what you do. But honey it really sounds like you need some extra help with this. Big Hugs (((((((HUGS)))))))

07/05/2009 01:03 PM
girlinvisable
girlinvisablePosts: 61
Member

I'm all ready talking to all those people...just seems like nothing is working. It feels like something is wrong with me.

07/05/2009 01:09 PM
itsmynightmare

sweetie there is nothing wrong with YOU. i think alot of us hit these bumps even though we have all the support and docs around us and nothing is working, nothing seems to work long term. but sometimes you just gotta go back to the start and take some small steps. don't look too far ahead just think about today and getting through the rest of the day without injuring. i know how hard it can be when the symptoms or behaviors just keep coming back, no matter how hard you try not to, you just keep going back to the SI.

try to talk to your doc or call a friend to distract you. these intense feelings can make it seem like YOU are the problem, you just gotta remember that INJURING is the problem, not YOU.

Post edited by: itsmynightmare, at: 07/05/2009 01:09 PM


07/05/2009 01:17 PM
zombie
zombie  
Posts: 1688
Senior Member

well said nightmare

07/05/2009 06:52 PM
pixiedust430
pixiedust430  
Posts: 2414
VIP Member

Very well said nightmare. Cutting deeper doesn't lead to satisfaction it leads serious injuries. Try speaking again with docs and tell them the urges are getting stronger for you. They are there ultimitely to help you. Hugs we are always here for you.

07/05/2009 08:23 PM
Kittyn1971
Kittyn1971  
Posts: 435
Senior Member

I'm in the same boat, girl. You are not alone. I have found that I'm not satisfied with a small cut anymore; I need deeper. I need to see more blood. Now I have a scar on my wrist that is not healing right. It's puffing up and tender. Sad I slipped and cut the other night, but instead of making one deep one, I made two not deep ones. I guess that was my way of making it better. Sad However, I have made it a day without, so I'm back on track again. Something to think about. Dizzyhrug:
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