Self-Injury Support Group

I cut, I bleed, I feel paranoid of someone seeing... and then I wonder "why does it not hurt?" I made it a whole 2 weeks, but then cut because my son is moving back with his dad 5 states away. I keep finding myself cutting deeper and deeper each time because somehow I feel dissatisfied. That can't be normal.

Well I can see how it seems strange but let me explain it this way. First of all, the rush that we get when we harm is the endorphins and adrenaline that rush to the hurt part and to help you not panic or freak out. The other part is like this, have you ever cut yourself or scratch yourself by pure accident and not even know until you see it later? why do you think you don't notice? A lot of the pain we feel is more emotional and shock. When we see ourselves do the act that should cause pain we take away the panic that those endorphins shoot out to control and because we have no panic to fight we give ourselves a straight shot of adrenalin which causes euphoria. That is the best way I can make sense of it. It is this that makes our disease if you will so deadly and destructive. I know that for that reason another leader and I almost lost a member because she cut so deep tendons were expose and she almost bled out. This is so much more serious than people give it credit for so be safe everyone.

Pixie, thanks so much for sharing that with everyone. I think that is something we all needed to hear.

Kittyn, as Pixie has said, please make sure you are keeping yourself as safe as possible. I get frustrated sometimes too when the cut doesn't hurt like I want it to and I feel so unsatisfied afterwards. But honestly, I don't allow myself to cut any deeper...its like my way of realizing that I need to deal with whatever my trigger was. Honestly it sucks sometimes but it helps me to grow. My heart really goes out to you...I know it must really hurt for your son to be moving so far away. We are here if you need us.

hannah

It is a vicious cycle with the potential to grow more and more severe in time. It is scary when we are dissatisfied with the lack of pain or (for me at least) blood. The answer isn't to go deeper, its to catch ourselves in the moment and try to step back. A number of us aren't ready to stop injuring but at least we can do it safely.

Hugs!!

Normal? ehh, normal is a setting on a washing machine Haha, in all seriousness though:

It's totally "normal" for someone who struggles with self injury, if that's what you want to gauge it by. I think that's what really qualifies it as an addiction, kinda like how people who start using have to keep using more and more to get that same kind of high? Anyway, that's what I think. And yeah, I've heard some pretty bad stories, and I've had some pretty bad scares myself. It was a good thing I was living with some people who knew first aid at the time, or man alive, I would have been in the emerg Waaayyy too much for a few months.

Thanks everyone. It is so nice to be able to put these feeling into words rather than keep them bottled up and hidden. I'm trying to "think before I do" more often, but it is always there- in the back of my mind-waiting. I bought the book "Bodily Harm" and intend to start reading it tonight.

I have that book too

Let me know what you think of it!!