I cut beacause

Please if you feel confident enough finish the sentence below,

your entry could help someone more than you realise..

I cut beacause:

marsha6751

I thank you for your honesty and sharing your experience with us.

Its helpful to know the reasoning behind it and you may have just helped someone understand themselves.thankyou.

your a survivor...

marsha6751

I feel like I’m not good enough. To release the pain.It gives me some control when I cant seem to control anything else in my life. Sometimes I cut to stop myself from doing anything worse.

Way deep down inside I loathe my very existence. There are many reasons for this but I don't think the reasons matter so much right now because it would be overwhelming for me to sort through it all at once. I've found that these things range from small incidences to massive ones all adding up to one huge clusterf*ck.

When I cut I put all the horrible emotion into it...I can feel numb for those few minutes and get rid of the horrible emptiness and shit I feel in the core of my being.

I dont feel it's a control thing for me, it's more like a release and numbing. I know a lot of ppl SI because they are already numb and want to feel something - but I am the opposite - I feel emotional pain every minute of every day and need it to stop even just for a few minutes. The feeling after is so amazing. The only thing I can compare it to is the feeling after an orgasm - a full body release and relaxation. No pain, no nothing. It goes away.

The result is an emotional detachment. An endorphine release. a comparable feeling to an orgasm, or opiate intoxication.

Putting my teeth through my bottom-lip when i was four, removed my emotional attachment with pain. I never cried again, from any childhood bump or bruise, and stood in contemplative bewilderment, when anyone else did.

I ended up being a pretty durable kid. When certain perceptive kids caught on to my durability, they pushed it to the limit a lot, especially, when we played tackle football, in the yard. I was also a pretty small kid. Having an emotional detachment from physical pain early, put a bull's eye on me. People saw I could take it, and they gave it. Didn't mean i wanted it. Or at least i didn't want it on those terms.

Self Injury for me was like my most direct, or go to route, for emotional detachment.