Xro7x, that is a terrific question, one we probably all have come up with creative ways to keep others from knowing what's happened.
When it comes to kids, it's so hard to know how to educate them without telling them too much or giving them things to think about that your family or self may not be ready to address.
When my best friend's 11 yr old daughter saw my forearms all the time, we decided to tell her. She asked me about them when she was 5 and 8 and then again. When she was five, I lied to her, and told her I was gardening and the rose bushes were rough. She was too young to discern that it was not logical. I felt rotten for lying, but I felt like I'd "pollute" her carefree heart at that age, so I lied. She's a bright lil thing, though. At 11, she had the skills to know when someone's pulling the wool over her eyes.
I didn't want to lie to her, because she should know that people who love her, (she sort of adopted me like an auntie) wouldn't deceive her. So, after speaking at length with her mother first, we decided we'd tell her the truth.
I suppose because her mom is so friggin' awesome and provided follow up and left her Lil Miss with no unanswered questions and I was prepared to be gently honest with her, without being vivid, she has an understanding of mental health that I feared would mar her development in some way. Her mother was the key, though. She was strong, confident and provided a great example of unconditional love that it seems has permeated that sweet angel.
Her mom has a great spiritual strength and I think that is the key to how she was able to explain things to her. Perhaps because she and her mom are incredibly close was the key.
I didn't think she was old enough to know the truth, but she's too smart to lie to, her mom assured me. And I can't believe how utterly amazing she handled it. She answered the questions she could and while I was there, she directed some of the questions to me.
To each their own, and I have no idea how successful this will be for anyone. But if the kiddo is old enough to ask and has support in understanding without it burdening the child, it can work.
She did ask me hard questions that I had prepared myself ahead of time for.
I can only suggest that when you Do choose to speak with anyone regarding SI, that you are strong enough inside yourself and can speak freely about your situation and that you find a way to tell them, like we did, that doesn't burden the other person or make them worry.
We assured her that I am undergoing treatment and that it is an illness. But the side effect to me was that I'd feel even more ashamed if SHE ever saw fresh cuts on my arms. Because I love her as if she were born to me, she's another reason for me to utilize the coping tools my therapist has laid out. I don't go to her or her mom for support and nurturing with regard to SI, we simply answered her questions and so far it's been about two years since we told her. She's 13, bright, happy and has such a caring attitude. Her younger brother is autistic and she is such a great big sister. Maybe she's unique among kids now a days; I think she's gonna be a great woman when she grows up.
Whomever you decide to share it with, knowing that you can't Untell them, and that sometimes lying feels better to you, you have to weigh in your own life if lying about it is worse that telling them the truth.
It depends all on your own situation.
May the strength and support that is critical in this illness be poured into your heart and know that you have at least one example of how it can be handled with grace, love, and understanding.
I hope this helps and that your heart beats a bit easier after reading this.
Thank you for letting me share,
xElizabethx
